Every morning and every day when I come home from work, I wonder if I'm going to find my father, my old cat, and/or either of my old bunnies deceased. I feel like I'm waiting for death. How do I snap out of it? This morning, I finished feeding all the animals and was ready to give my father his meds and go to the grocery store but I hadn't heard a noise from him. It was 8:20 am, and the latest he's ever gotten up in the two years that I've been medicating him was 7:45 am. I was afraid to go in there but I did and woke him up. It was a rainy morning so the darkness made him think it was night I guess. He doesn't look at clocks. I worry about death and think about after, and I have trouble trying to live today. There are many things I cannot do now. For example, the house is falling apart, and my father won't allow any work to be done. Having any people here agitates him to no end. I guess it's good that I have no friends for his sake but my only human companion is my mother's ghost. [She guided me today to use her UTI test kit; I have a UTI, my first, yay.] My brother never helps but he told me that I take bad care of my father because I feed him "crap" in his words instead of things like fish and Chinese broccoli. A few example meals I might make (not always from scratch): tacos, hamburgers, chicken, pork chops, green beans, lima beans, steaks, salad, spaghetti, crab cakes, and so on. I'm gone 9 hours a day, and do 40 hours of animal, house, and yard chores a week. I can't make daily gourmet meals. My brother also says that I should force my father to exercise. He spends all day in the recliner. I can't even get him to respond to most questions, use soap or shampoo, or cover his mouth when he sneezes spit all over the room. Should I be forcing him to do things? He would have a total fit. I put him on a waiting list too for a regular doctor as he hasn't been to one in a few years. They finally called after 8 months, and he said he didn't make an appointment because "there's nothing wrong with me." He is bipolar, has diabetes, had high cholesterol, and the list goes on and on. Why is it that he's fine but I'm a horrible person (according to my brother who is now showing clear signs of mental instability too when I went on a day trip, and he drove irratically while screaming at his nasty wife). How do I stop worrying about the future and live today?