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How can we gently convince my sister (who does not live with us & dad) not to give him hope that mom, permanently in a NH with Alzheimer's & unable to walk, will most likely never come home?

She gives him answers like, "well, we'll have to build a ramp for the stairs," as mom is in a wheelchair. When we ask her why she gives him this false hope she shrugs and says, "Oh, he'll forget I said it."

We, on the other hand, are always very direct with dad about mom's condition and why she has to be in a nursing home. Of course dad favors his daughter who visits with false hope. Very frustrating! I say we ignore it; my husband says it is wrong of her and gives us added stress.
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Has your brother ever worked with an independent living center? ILCs work with people with disabilities (the full spectrum from profound developmental and intellectual disabilities to newly injured) to help them live independently. This can include life skills training, employment support, benefits assistance, counseling, social work, etc. They can help your brother AND your parents. Head to ILRU dot org to look up ILCs in your state.
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Just because your mom won't call.........that doesn't mean YOU can't call. it is time to get social services involved. This situation is only going to get worse. Is your bro on meds for OCD? doesn he go to therapy?
Please don't move out just yet. Try to get otuside help for the situation. I know how horrible it can be when family tries to take care of things.... the only answer is OUTSIDE help. There is too much history, too many fights, feelings, resentment, etc. for you four to work it out. Good luck finding the right person/agency to help!
Helpful Answer (6)

It sounds like brother is lord and master of your house.

Since it's your parents house they can't move and your brother probably can't live on his own perhaps you can take a small apartment nearby. You can still look in on your parents but not have to live with your brother.
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