How do I stop my potentially violent brother from preventing my Dad from using the bathroom?

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Brother is mentally retarded, very strong, lives at home and parents won't let him live elsewhere. I am also living at home to try to help parents without causing brother to go to jail as he threatens suicide if jailed. I recently confronted him on another issue and he was taken to a local hospital for a psych evaluation, but he was diagnosed with "stress disorder", not the OCD that keeps him in the bathroom washing constantly. Parents are afraid of him and mother won't call police ever or back up my stepfather or my claims. Any ideas?

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Sandwich is right. However, barring the invention of a time machine, we can't go back and make the mother get services for her son when he was a child.

Having worked with autistic teenage boys when I was in my early twenties, I know what it's like when a six-foot-two, 190-pound young man loses it and starts throwing punches. They're not loose apes, but they're scary when they're out of control. Dignity and consideration are great, but when chairs start flying and threats are being screamed, you call the cops, pronto.

This family needs help now, before someone is seriously injured.
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say what you want. I did not disagree bout there is sadness regarding brother. however, there are plenty of dead people who might not agree with this. read the newspapers: hardly a day goes by without some piece on folk murdered by these folk. the real problem is there is nowhere to put them. we have shut down the mental hospitals because, frankly, it is cheaper to let these situations stand. so what if some people die, the state has saved god knows how many dollars if they had been in a mental ward. and during the trial they are not guilty by reason of insanity, so they end up right back where they started from. yes, it'ssad.
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I see the Brother as another victim of this situation. And a helpless one at that, not having the ability to get himself help and out of it, or to perceive the need to break away from mom's control. Regardless of his age or size at this point. He is still a human being who deserves dignity, consideration, and kindness to make things better. If he had been able to receive proper services from childhood on, he might not need a "place to be put". He's not boat to be stored over the winter, he's a person. It's not 1950 anymore where anyone with a disability or special need is warehoused away from the world so we don't have to see or deal with them. It has nothing to do with the government, but more to do with the mother's decisions his whole life long that have gotten the family to this point of crisis.

The lack of empathy for all members of this family is really unfortunate. The Brother is not some loose ape who needs to go back to the zoo. He needs as much help as anybody else.
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I agree with everything, save for referring to dear old brudder as 'poor guy'. Yes, in certain aspects, it is pitiful. However, from reading the original posts, I think this male was the golden you know what and they did nothing to curb his violent tendencies. A) they do not get this way in one generation and B) they do not get this way either over night.
Sadly, due to government 'screw the public' there are very few places to put these people.
I say 'move out' simply as a matter of self preservation. Brother will eventually go total schizoid and progress to murder.
you do need outside help.

two cents ¢¢
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MOVE OUT. Move out move out move out. This is key to getting the rest of them setup to receive/be made to take help. You need to *not* be in residence there as a live-in caretaker. I know, it will be hard but necessary.

The police will not let your brother commit suicide. He makes this threat to avoid a scary unknown change. Don't worry about this when you ultimately will have to call the police in for help.

So here's some info gaps -

Who doctors your mom, brother, and stepdad? They have a responsibility here to help you out, to connect to services and assistance. If there is no doctor, that is a HUGE PROBLEM. GET DOCTORS.

How has there not been a caseworker involved yet? My God, you have TWO maybe THREE vulnerable adults under one roof! If APS has their finger up their exhaust pipe, demand to speak to the next supervisor up the chain until you get somebody out there NOW. This home enviornment is wholly inadequate and dangerous to all.This is what they need to document. They need to help you out by providing the paper trail on conditions, mental stability, and recommendations for placements.

You are going to need this paper trail at court to get guardianship & powers of attorney of everyone. Or to get the state to step in and provide a guardian and conservator.

StepDad must go to a facility intended to care for Parkinsons patients ASAP. Immediately. Yesterday. To leave him in place will ensure his quick demise. The situation is DANGEROUS to him and no judge in their right mind would make him stay.

Brother needs to be placed somewhere appropriate for his disabilities. He is a danger to others and himself and is being woefully underserved in this setup. From what has been described, he has not ever gotten therapy, or been in programming geared to develop skills in people just like him. Poor guy.

Mom-wow - she needs a psych eval PRONTO.

You need to step back, call in authorities, even if you have to be a total butt to get attention on this. Get the neighbors to call APS too. Create a paper trail thick as War & Peace with them so it's inarguable that you have tried everything.

At the same time, connect with your local advocacy groups - they will probably help out more and faster than APS. Here, it's called ARC (formerly Association of Retarded Citizens). There are lots of others, like Hammer.org, arcgreatertwincities.org, etc. who do advocacy, case management, support planning. These places are INVALUABLE. Use them.

This is going to take some persistence on your part, but step one is to MOVE OUT.
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Sounds like they are not happy with you there, and your not happy being there, the question is, are you able to leave or a place to leave to? Also I agree with what someone else wrote to you about your Mom is hurting your brother's chances of getting the benefits of learning to manage himself when she no longer is able to. That is something to really consider and bring up when talking with APS. If nothing else I do hope you take care of yourself and there truly is power in prayer... best wishes and hope for you and yours...
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Maybe leaving will bring the situation to a head (sorry, unintentional pun). After a couple "accidents" and cleanups, it may seem like more of a problem to your mom. Ask APS what would happen if you leave them and don't come help with cleanup.
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I visited with APS and they said that as long as parents deny that brother is preventing dad's access to bathroom there is nothing they can do. Unfortunately it seems it will take a crisis for any changes to occur. I tried the adult potty chair idea but mom nixed it as "humiliating" for dad and said brother would pester dad on the chairs also. This situation feels utterly impossible to fix reasonably. I feel despair but thanks to this forum I dont feel alone and i dont feel as bad if i decide to leave. Thank you so much.
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Call APS now. They will tell you the next steps.
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Calling Adult Protective Services is a good idea. In the meantime, does your home have more than one bathroom? If so, can one be designated as brother's bathroom? You can put different kinds of soaps in there and some towels that he likes to make it inviting for him. If you've currently got only one bathroom, can you put in a half bath so your father can use the toilet undisturbed?
If it's just hand washing that your brother is obsessed with, can he be induced to wash his hands in the kitchen sink? You could give him a little reward each time he does it, until it becomes a habit.
On the other hand, if it's more than the lure of washing that keeps your brother gravitating to the bathroom, in other words, if he's going in there to have fun with himself, then maybe you could talk to his occupational therapist, if he has one, or someone from social services. But yeah, call APS right away. Brother and mother might get mad at you, but it sounds like someone's going to get seriously injured if this situation continues.
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