In all fairness, if this is her first accident, or still her “fault” but relatively harmless, it really is hard to impose your standards of safety on her.
On the other hand, if you’ve seen additional clues that she’s slipping and especially if she’s unwilling to consider having her skills assessed, you better prepare to go through the process of dealing with her doctor to see where she stands in other ADL skills.
In our case, driving was just starting to be an issue in and of itself (needlessly hard braking/accelerating, scratches appearing on the car which were "never" her fault and she had no idea where they came from, slight weaving, one accident that she didn't get faulted for... but we suspect she may have truly been responsible, etc). BUT, what stopped her from driving was her other medical problems. I never had to disable or move the car from her sight because she lacked the ability to even get TO the car - let alone get in and get it started without falling. All the while asking if she can "try" to drive. Try?? Without us even asking, her doctor told her no more driving - ever. I don't know that doc ever told the BMV because it was so very obvious that the lady could/should not drive anymore. She blamed us and said we told doc to say that and revoke her driving. We let her license expire and sold her car. This worked because she did NOT have the ability to truly try to override us. Like, she could not physically go to the BMV and try to get her license back. Even if she managed to get there, she was very obviously too unwell to fake it (but some elders DO accomplish the fake and do maintain a license.) Anyway, I'd been worried about her driving for a LONG time but never truly had to take her keys away (as my parents had to do with my grandma years ago) because her other physical ailments took care of the driving problem for me. If you suspect that her car accident she caused was not just an accident and you suspect it was age-related, please take action as suggested in the other answers posted. In my area, I can think of several cases of elderly drivers going right through store fronts because they got confused. There was also a case where an elderly driver drove right into a family's yard and killed a child during a picnic. My insurance company told me most accidents are caused by new drivers or "old" drivers - for an entirely different set of reasons.
This is us. FIL can't physically GET into the car and TO the DMV without assistance and no one will assist him unless WE are the ones driving the car. Deep down he KNOWS he can't drive any longer - although when he is upset he will yell that he will just drive himself - he never makes good on the threat because he KNOWS he can't do it literally - he is physically incapable - it's an empty threat. I will admit that there are days that I have moments of panic. But the keys are hidden where he physically can't get to them. He is taken where he needs to go.
His doctor has told him that he is legally blind and that it has been reported. I don't think it actually has been because he has never received anything from the DMV stating that he can no longer drive. His driver's license expires next year and we don't intend to take him to renew it, he won't pass the required eye exam anyway and he could not get anywhere close to the table to take the exam in the first place (not to mention the absolute hellacious logistics of GETTING him and TRACTOR size scooter into and around the DMV, waiting the exorbitant wait times with an impatient narcissist who will be trying to find a new supply to complain to among the other people waiting and will surely try to flirt with the DMV Officer if they are female or ask them inappropriate questions regardless of gender). He will yell and have a tantrum if he realizes it has expired but that's fine - There is NO reason he needs a license to operate a vehicle. He CANNOT operate one. He cannot get into passenger seat without assistance, there is no way he could even get behind the wheel and get the seat set up and get the other safety features adjusted much less back the vehicle up and drive it safely. He is legally blind now with no ability to correct. He cannot hear and will not wear his hearing aids. His tremors are so bad that he cannot eat without weighted utensils. He cannot get his legs into the car without us lifting them in and out and cannot always make his feet or knees work on command. And he either cannot or will not move his arms above his elbows (think kind of like a t-rex). So yeah...no....in a regular vehicle that is not mobility enabled - which is what he has - driving of any kind is dangerous for him, any passenger that would be foolish enough to ride with him, and anyone on the road. He also basically LAYS down in the car to drive or ride so he's better off in the passenger seat if he's going to do that. And with his vision there have been enough instances where he has scared the driver half to death recently that if he had been driving it would have been catastrophic.
So even with him being considered cognitively sound by his doctor and competent to make his own choices regardless of how ill advised - we are certainly not above whatever therapeutic lies/fibs are necessary to keep him from behind the wheel of a car.
With people living much longer and Dementia in the mix, all States should have laws concerning the ability for someone to drive. Doctors should be mandated to at least contact DMV for any reason why they think a person should not drive. This goes if a patients family feels a LO should give up the keys. The article mentions epilepsy but there are other health conditions where someone should not be driving. And when DMV is contacted, they get the person in and test them. If they don't respond the licence is revoked.
Simply ask yourself, and your mom, this really difficult question.
"Imagine you had an accident and injured or killed another person, is that worth driving yourself?"
You have to live with that fact, after the fact, no matter how long you live, it's the same as driving drunk. If it happens to her, are you going to be able to live with the fact that you let her go long after you knew she shouldn't.
This is what I told myself every time I had the stand-off argument in the driveway with my husband. I didn't take his keys, I just stood in front of the driver's door and said NO. He eventually gave it up, which was good because I had already replaced all car keys with blanks, so he never had to give them up. Still carries the useless keys in his pocket so he can "go home" anytime he wants. He also has an identity license that looks exactly like his drivers license. Whatever state you are in may have the same thing available.
Good luck and good for you for even starting the conversation. You can do this! ((((hugs))))
Thank you for such a great idea! I had never considered using blank keys for someone who shouldn't drive. I will definitely share with my support group. Many men, especially, hate not having keys in the pocket so this is a great solution and saves dignity when they can fiddle with them in their hands! One question... could a blank key get stuck in a lock and create a problem?
A very similar incident happened to my mom when she insisted on driving at age 91. Some wheel damage required the car to be towed and policeman present made a report. We used these circumstances to convince our mother her car was too damaged for repair. She argued with us that she wanted to get a leased car just like her brother had. We countered that the police report required that she would have to retake the entire written and physical driver test. That was probably a lie but we were desperate to stop her from driving and lie worked for us. So lie if you have to about taking the driver test in my opinion.
Also, her doctor had told her to stop driving at age 88 after she suffered a TIA. She fought everyone and would not listen to any reasons.
Me? I would make the car keys disappear, or disable the car entirely. There are other approaches to use however, here is one where dementia/Alzheimer's is an issue with driving:
DRIVING The issue of driving is extremely difficult. Sometimes during testing, a physician will find that the person's spatial skills are such that they need to cease driving immediately. Other times, the family may want to curtail the person from driving because when they sit in the passenger seat while the person with dementia is doing the driving, they find their driving unsafe. One method of gradually ceasing the driving has been found to work well. A lady asked her husband once a week or so if it could be her turn to drive (her license renewal was coming up). She gradually increased the frequency of asking for her turn until she was doing the driving 80% of the time. Then she started to automatically head for the driver's side of the car whenever they walked toward the car, without saying anything. After about six to eight weeks, her husband always went to the passenger side and never again expected to be the driver. This non-confrontational approach is positive, but not always possible.
Whatever method you use to get mom to stop driving, best of luck.
Call the DMV. Ask them to require a driver test on the road. Pretty scary to have 95 yr olds on the road..My mom had enough insight to stop driving at 85. She bumped her car up and was afraid she would kill a child..or maybe just say no! Sadly oldsters become like teens.
Is she in denial about her driving abilities? Have you discussed with her that it's time to stop driving, and presented some alternatives for her to get around? Would she be able to call or use a smart phone for car service or are there other ways for seniors to get around in her area? If needed, contact a local social worker to find out what her area offers for senior transportation. Giving up driving and the car is a great loss of independence for some people; you have to give her some alternatives if you want her to be on board with it.
I doubt there are many 95 year olds that are safe on the road. Since you obviously know your mom is no longer safe, you have to do the difficult job of ending her days behind the wheel. I assume her driving could be very limited already so hopefully it won't make a huge difference.
There are a number of passive ways to do this without having to have a big conversation and confrontation about it.
Make her keys disappear. Disable something in the care. Take the car in for service and then it just never comes back because a part is on back order etc.
I am going through this with my 79yo mom too. She hasn't had any accidents YET but has untreated severe sleep apnea (tired all the time) and early dementia so driving is just a horrible idea. We have an appt with the doc in charge of explaining her diagnosis and MRI results at the end of this month and driving is on the agenda. It's over for her and she is not going to like it but it's necessary. We had already pulled her ability to drive 2 hours to my sister's house. Then bad weather in January/February kept her off the road and I've passively parlayed that to now and am just keeping it going until the doc makes it official.
I hope you have a doctor that can do that ....in our case the doctor suggested she voluntarily go in for a driving test ....her license expired in two more years...the doctor wouldn’t help in a diagnosis of dementia either .
Since she had an accident she caused can other agencies get involved to take her license away ? If the vehicle needs repair can you delay returning it to her....My MIL is 97 and still keeps her car ....she seems to have decided in her own not to drive but lends it to a neighbor ...which is also concerning.
We had a similar situation when my Mom was 95. After totaling her rental car, the rental company gave her another vehicle the same day. We were livid. She stopped driving after a stroke 6 months later. I would reach out to the police, explaining the concern. They have the authority to take the license away. Make sure she has a complete medical exam. Thank goodness no one was hurt.
My late mother's doctors sent in a DMV report that she may have suffered a lapse of conscieness after a fall at home due to her heart condition. Mom was very angry and insisted her doctors were wrong. My family was correct. This struggle for her independence went on for about 5 years of age 88 until 93. Fortunately, no accident happened. I just kept her car unavailable to her until she finally sold it!
We decided my husband should stop driving after "I" had an accident. Before the accident, I felt he would have done fine but I decided to drive. I was turning left when the light had just turned red when someone flew through the red light and hit us. My husband has Parkinson's and at that time high stress would bring on "extra movements" like Michael J. Fox often has. Had he been the driver with that same scenario, there was no way I could have convinced anyone that he was very capable to drive prior to the accident. That opened our eyes that if that ever happened when he was driving, a law suit could be built around his Parkinson's. So he willingly stopped driving but kept his license until it expired then got the State issued ID that looks like a drivers license.
Unfortunately, an acquaintance with Parkinson's was not as fortunate. I had not seen him a quite some time so I have no idea if I would have judged him still capable or not. From what I heard, he over-corrected a swerve or something like that and ended up in a head-on collision and someone was killed. My heart still hurts deeply for him and his whole family at what they must be still dealing with legally, financially and emotionally.
In our state a doctor can report someone to the DMV which would require a driving test through a program offered through many hospitals. It is my understanding the test is done on a simulator and only if a person passes that are they taken on the road. In some cases if the person still passes they are given instructions how to drive more safely... avoid rush hour, avoid after dark, avoid left turns when possible, etc.
I agree with everyone's suggestions of ways to step in and assure your mom's safety as well as everyone else. I am only 72, consider myself a safe driver, but have already begun taking precautions on my own. In parking lots I try to find a spot I can drive through to avoid backing up. I avoid the interstate when possible. I take the AARP driving course when needed to review the basics and keep getting the insurance discount. I totally realize though that like my accident before, I could still get charged even when not at fault and the older I get I am sure someone would be quick to use my age against me.
The following is a good article from AARP about older drivers. Sometimes when I see these posts on stopping elders from driving, I think we fall into a bit of ageism.
The statistics are better than you might think for older drivers.
The thing that was most surprising to me was the suggestion to update the auto to one with features that are safer for older drivers.
I agree that 95 is pretty old to be driving but some of the suggestions might help your 95 yr old make more appropriate decisions for herself.
elderly drivers have more car accidents than any other age other than teens. However, even though that is serious enough, given their age they are twice as likely to be seriously injured and 5X more likely to die from an accident. CDC and AAA offer these statistics online. Statistics from every source I have read offers the same information.
Many states have some form of communication that allows you to express concern to the DMV regarding an elder driver. Once they receive that, they follow up, maybe require extra testing or a doctor's exam.
Or talk to your Mom's doctor about your concerns.
Our doctor had a heart-to-heart with my Dad, telling my Dad he would contact the DMV if my Dad continued to drive. My Dad had a key hidden and still went for a spin once in a while until he got a $200 ticket for running a red light. He really hated paying that ticket and stopped driving.
When my mom resisted the idea of giving up her car keys, we disabled the car unbeknown to her. So when she tried to go somewhere the car did not start. We played it off as the motor went out and we had to order a new motor. It worked, no one got yelled at and she was not having a fit. Eventually she said nothing about the car or driving. Hope this helps.
Even a healthy and mentally alert 95 year old still has slower responses and is in no way a safe driver.
She just caused an accident. Please do not wait until she has killed someone to stop her from driving.
She will be furious but will get over it. Thankfully after several accidents my dad willingly gave up his keys. He lived several states away at this time otherwise I would have taken them.
Sell it if you have POA or file a report to DMV, telling them reasons you feel as a family member that she shouldn't be driving. Exaggerate if you feel the need to get her off the road before she kills herself or someone else. DMV will call her in for a test, which she probably won't pass and they'll pull her license to drive. If she happen to pass, which is doubtful, have a mechanic or knowledgable person to "fix" her car so it doesn't start when she's not aware.
"DMV will call her in for a test, which she probably won't pass and they'll pull her license to drive." It most likely won't matter as she'll probably just drive without a license.
We were in the same situation with my mother-in-law who was only in her 70s but was legally blind because of macular degeneration. She knew to never drive at night, but she still drove during the day. She bought a big SUV because she said it made her feel safer. We told her "*YOU* might feel safe, but what about that person or pet you kill?" We stopped driving with her. We told her she really shouldn't drive because she had so many (minor) accidents like running into medians and stop signs and into ditches. She got her truck stuck twice and had to be towed out. Her truck would always have new scrapes and dents on it. When she had her 5th accident (she ran into an open car door and knocked it clear off the hinges) we told her she needed to stop driving. She said none of the accidents were her fault "except one" and that even the responding police officer to the car door accident told her she was not at fault and let her go. We took her keys from her and her response was to threaten to call the police if we didn't bring them back. We told her to go for it. It was a really ugly situation. What saved us was that she was really bad about paying her bills and eventually the truck got repossessed by the bank. She never asked for a new car after that, thank goodness. She is lucky she didn't kill anyone.
Strongly urge her Dr. to do a mental status exam & tell her she is no longer capable of driving If that fails, take away the keys to the car. Tell her you will report her to the DMV. Sign her up for LYFT or UBER to take her places & bring her home. Chances are if she had an accident, she would injure someone else. Sometimes you just have to be the "bad guy".
Quitting driving is a big deal for anyone. I had been planting seeds with my mother to stop driving for two years before she finally decided give it up at age 92. She could barely see over the steering wheel. She said that she started to get nervous thinking about driving. So she decided to give it up.
If they hurt themselves, it affects you, and other loved ones. If they hurt another person, that affects more people. Quitting driving isn't the end of the world, she will be safer. Keep talking with her about it and come up with other transportation options. One of her transportation options is probably going to be you and soon after, you will end up being her only transportation option. :)
"One of her transportation options is probably going to be you and soon after, you will end up being her only transportation option."
Oh, yes! My mother said she would stop driving when she reached 90 years old. She didn't, and I didn't push it. She only drove short distances (never highways) during the day. One of my brothers (all out of state, of course) felt she shouldn't be driving, one went driving with her during a visit and thought she was okay, and the third didn't care. She finally told me she would not drive anymore, and from that day on I became her chauffeur (or, as I used to write, "Dummy Daughter Driver." She considered me stupid, my time worthless, and a bad person). She would not consider any other mode of transportation. When I set limits, she got angry. She could have let me do her grocery shopping when I did my own, but no, she had to come along (it took hours then). I couldn't be trusted to get the absolute best piece of produce, the latest-dated milk, etc. If she'd let me do it without her, she could have gotten occasional rides to the mall where she used to walk and get some socialization. She refused to ever learn how to use a computer, and refused to use her tracphone. She couldn't hear well, and refused to get hearing aids. So Uber/Lyft wouldn't have worked. It was me or nothing. And I resented it. It was never just a ride -- everything took hours.
Her family physician can have her easily banned from driving. Contact him or her in advance of your appointment (if appt is necessary) and give them the info. This also takes the heat off of you.
A physician can file a report with the local driver's licensing authorities and the license pulled, but sadly that does not stop all seniors from getting behind the wheel and driving.
I was once almost hit by a 90 something year old that ran a stop sign! It was like she was in another world.
I would have a heart to heart talk with your mother see if she will stop driving. Tell her the serious dangers to herself and others. Tell her that being driven around by others is a luxury and a joy!
What state does your mother live in? Check with that state motor vehicle department. They probably have a webpage detailing your exact issue and what you, her doctor or the police can do. I think though if there are no medical conditions (dementia may be one) then advanced age does not matter at all if she still wants to drive.
Show the accident report to her doctor; ask him/her to declare "no driving" and report her to DMV.
Take the keys, disable the car and arrange for alternate modes of transport.
In all fairness, if this is her first accident, or still her “fault” but relatively harmless, it really is hard to impose your standards of safety on her.
On the other hand, if you’ve seen additional clues that she’s slipping and especially if she’s unwilling to consider having her skills assessed, you better prepare to go through the process of dealing with her doctor to see where she stands in other ADL skills.
His doctor has told him that he is legally blind and that it has been reported. I don't think it actually has been because he has never received anything from the DMV stating that he can no longer drive. His driver's license expires next year and we don't intend to take him to renew it, he won't pass the required eye exam anyway and he could not get anywhere close to the table to take the exam in the first place (not to mention the absolute hellacious logistics of GETTING him and TRACTOR size scooter into and around the DMV, waiting the exorbitant wait times with an impatient narcissist who will be trying to find a new supply to complain to among the other people waiting and will surely try to flirt with the DMV Officer if they are female or ask them inappropriate questions regardless of gender). He will yell and have a tantrum if he realizes it has expired but that's fine - There is NO reason he needs a license to operate a vehicle. He CANNOT operate one. He cannot get into passenger seat without assistance, there is no way he could even get behind the wheel and get the seat set up and get the other safety features adjusted much less back the vehicle up and drive it safely. He is legally blind now with no ability to correct. He cannot hear and will not wear his hearing aids. His tremors are so bad that he cannot eat without weighted utensils. He cannot get his legs into the car without us lifting them in and out and cannot always make his feet or knees work on command. And he either cannot or will not move his arms above his elbows (think kind of like a t-rex). So yeah...no....in a regular vehicle that is not mobility enabled - which is what he has - driving of any kind is dangerous for him, any passenger that would be foolish enough to ride with him, and anyone on the road. He also basically LAYS down in the car to drive or ride so he's better off in the passenger seat if he's going to do that. And with his vision there have been enough instances where he has scared the driver half to death recently that if he had been driving it would have been catastrophic.
So even with him being considered cognitively sound by his doctor and competent to make his own choices regardless of how ill advised - we are certainly not above whatever therapeutic lies/fibs are necessary to keep him from behind the wheel of a car.
https://www.nj.com/traffic/2016/05/how_does_the_state_take_away_an_older_drivers_license.html#:~:text=Q%3A%20Why%20doesn't%20the,renew%20or%20maintain%20their%20license.
With people living much longer and Dementia in the mix, all States should have laws concerning the ability for someone to drive. Doctors should be mandated to at least contact DMV for any reason why they think a person should not drive. This goes if a patients family feels a LO should give up the keys. The article mentions epilepsy but there are other health conditions where someone should not be driving. And when DMV is contacted, they get the person in and test them. If they don't respond the licence is revoked.
"Imagine you had an accident and injured or killed another person, is that worth driving yourself?"
You have to live with that fact, after the fact, no matter how long you live, it's the same as driving drunk. If it happens to her, are you going to be able to live with the fact that you let her go long after you knew she shouldn't.
This is what I told myself every time I had the stand-off argument in the driveway with my husband. I didn't take his keys, I just stood in front of the driver's door and said NO. He eventually gave it up, which was good because I had already replaced all car keys with blanks, so he never had to give them up. Still carries the useless keys in his pocket so he can "go home" anytime he wants. He also has an identity license that looks exactly like his drivers license. Whatever state you are in may have the same thing available.
Good luck and good for you for even starting the conversation. You can do this!
((((hugs))))
Also, her doctor had told her to stop driving at age 88 after she suffered a TIA. She fought everyone and would not listen to any reasons.
DRIVING
The issue of driving is extremely difficult. Sometimes during testing, a physician will find that the person's spatial skills are such that they need to cease driving immediately. Other times, the family may want to curtail the person from driving because when they sit in the passenger seat while the person with dementia is doing the driving, they find their driving unsafe. One method of gradually ceasing the driving has been found to work well. A lady asked her husband once a week or so if it could be her turn to drive (her license renewal was coming up). She gradually increased the frequency of asking for her turn until she was doing the driving 80% of the time. Then she started to automatically head for the driver's side of the car whenever they walked toward the car, without saying anything. After about six to eight weeks, her husband always went to the passenger side and never again expected to be the driver. This non-confrontational approach is positive, but not always possible.
Whatever method you use to get mom to stop driving, best of luck.
There are a number of passive ways to do this without having to have a big conversation and confrontation about it.
Make her keys disappear. Disable something in the care. Take the car in for service and then it just never comes back because a part is on back order etc.
I am going through this with my 79yo mom too. She hasn't had any accidents YET but has untreated severe sleep apnea (tired all the time) and early dementia so driving is just a horrible idea. We have an appt with the doc in charge of explaining her diagnosis and MRI results at the end of this month and driving is on the agenda. It's over for her and she is not going to like it but it's necessary. We had already pulled her ability to drive 2 hours to my sister's house. Then bad weather in January/February kept her off the road and I've passively parlayed that to now and am just keeping it going until the doc makes it official.
After totaling her rental car, the rental company gave her another vehicle the same day. We were livid. She stopped driving after a stroke 6 months later.
I would reach out to the police, explaining the concern. They have the authority to take the license away. Make sure she has a complete medical exam.
Thank goodness no one was hurt.
Unfortunately, an acquaintance with Parkinson's was not as fortunate. I had not seen him a quite some time so I have no idea if I would have judged him still capable or not. From what I heard, he over-corrected a swerve or something like that and ended up in a head-on collision and someone was killed. My heart still hurts deeply for him and his whole family at what they must be still dealing with legally, financially and emotionally.
In our state a doctor can report someone to the DMV which would require a driving test through a program offered through many hospitals. It is my understanding the test is done on a simulator and only if a person passes that are they taken on the road. In some cases if the person still passes they are given instructions how to drive more safely... avoid rush hour, avoid after dark, avoid left turns when possible, etc.
I agree with everyone's suggestions of ways to step in and assure your mom's safety as well as everyone else. I am only 72, consider myself a safe driver, but have already begun taking precautions on my own. In parking lots I try to find a spot I can drive through to avoid backing up. I avoid the interstate when possible. I take the AARP driving course when needed to review the basics and keep getting the insurance discount. I totally realize though that like my accident before, I could still get charged even when not at fault and the older I get I am sure someone would be quick to use my age against me.
Sometimes when I see these posts on stopping elders from driving, I think we fall into a bit of ageism.
The statistics are better than you might think for older drivers.
The thing that was most surprising to me was the suggestion to update the auto to one with features that are safer for older drivers.
I agree that 95 is pretty old to be driving but some of the suggestions might help your 95 yr old make more appropriate decisions for herself.
https://www.aarp.org/auto/driver-safety/info-2021/older-drivers-fewer-accidents.html
Or talk to your Mom's doctor about your concerns.
Our doctor had a heart-to-heart with my Dad, telling my Dad he would contact the DMV if my Dad continued to drive. My Dad had a key hidden and still went for a spin once in a while until he got a $200 ticket for running a red light. He really hated paying that ticket and stopped driving.
She just caused an accident. Please do not wait until she has killed someone to stop her from driving.
She will be furious but will get over it. Thankfully after several accidents my dad willingly gave up his keys. He lived several states away at this time otherwise I would have taken them.
Its hard but necessary.
Set her up with an uber account.
Chances are if
she had an accident, she would injure someone else. Sometimes you just have to be the "bad guy".
She said that she started to get nervous thinking about driving. So she decided to give it up.
If they hurt themselves, it affects you, and other loved ones. If they hurt another person, that affects more people. Quitting driving isn't the end of the world, she will be safer.
Keep talking with her about it and come up with other transportation options. One of her transportation options is probably going to be you and soon after, you will end up being her only transportation option. :)
Oh, yes! My mother said she would stop driving when she reached 90 years old. She didn't, and I didn't push it. She only drove short distances (never highways) during the day. One of my brothers (all out of state, of course) felt she shouldn't be driving, one went driving with her during a visit and thought she was okay, and the third didn't care. She finally told me she would not drive anymore, and from that day on I became her chauffeur (or, as I used to write, "Dummy Daughter Driver." She considered me stupid, my time worthless, and a bad person). She would not consider any other mode of transportation. When I set limits, she got angry. She could have let me do her grocery shopping when I did my own, but no, she had to come along (it took hours then). I couldn't be trusted to get the absolute best piece of produce, the latest-dated milk, etc. If she'd let me do it without her, she could have gotten occasional rides to the mall where she used to walk and get some socialization. She refused to ever learn how to use a computer, and refused to use her tracphone. She couldn't hear well, and refused to get hearing aids. So Uber/Lyft wouldn't have worked. It was me or nothing. And I resented it. It was never just a ride -- everything took hours.
I would have a heart to heart talk with your mother see if she will stop driving. Tell her the serious dangers to herself and others. Tell her that being driven around by others is a luxury and a joy!
What state does your mother live in? Check with that state motor vehicle department. They probably have a webpage detailing your exact issue and what you, her doctor or the police can do. I think though if there are no medical conditions (dementia may be one) then advanced age does not matter at all if she still wants to drive.