How do I properly go about asking mom, and successfully having her, get rid of her cat?

Years ago I had a female cat that I didn't want to have spayed because I was concerned with her being overweight after spaying. (This was dumb on my part, of course.) The cat stayed indoors only, so no risk of kittens. When the cat was in heat, I tranquilized her. I was fortunate because I had access to and permission to use major tranquilizers that I could give her by injection--only needed to do it a couple of times a day. Since I was giving animals injections in my work, it was not a problem for me or the cat--took about 15 seconds. There was also never a problem with odors or spraying. If you absolutely cannot get the cat spayed, I would ask the vet for a major tranquilizer to give orally. If someone shows you how to do it, it is very easy to give cats pills! I don't know what would happen with the spraying problem because I've never seen that in a female, only in a male, neutered or not! Female cats may emit an odor when in heat, but I don't understand physiologically how they could spray!

I later learned the folly of my ways, and I had future cats spayed as young as recommended and advised others to do the same. There is a good health reason for this, too: it lowers the incidence of breast cancer. Perhaps you could ask the vet and then tell your mother that the vet said the cat needed spaying to prevent breast cancer. If she still loves the cat and can still reason at all, maybe that point would convince her. If not, I would do what others recommend and have the cat spayed anyway.

Senseiovi, I sent you a PM (private message). If you have time to read when you're not cleaning up cat spray or dealing with your Mother, please read it. Thanks.

If you live with your mom, you need a new living arrangement - now. Don't expect your mom to change. If the cat is being neglected, report it to the local authorities.

If your mom lives with you, tell her the cat needs a new living arrangement. The dog may need a new home as well. If your mom is not mentally competent, contact local authorities to ask for their help in relocating the "pets".

Check with the Humane Society in your area and explain the situation about your mom's cat. Tell them that you need to have this feline spayed like yesterday. The spraying could be health related or behavioral. Tell them that you mother is elderly and on a fixed income, and ask if they have any programs that will spay the cat for free or for a small fee.

As for the spraying, settle this pee monster in a small room with a litter box, food, and no surfaces that are soft other than her cat bed. Talk to the vet on what measures you can take to re-acclimate the cat to the litter box.

I have a pee-er too with my female. She is spayed and would use my rugs. Finally, I threw out the rugs. She has a bucket that she pees in. (No joke) It is a small dish pan thing that I use to mop my floors and I left it in the bathroom, but she has taken it for a pee pot. I have yet to see how she uses it. She doesn't like to use the boxes after the boys. I don't blame her though. Like most males, they can be quite gross when it comes to bathroom habits.

Your girl may not like the brand of litter. First though, get this little girl to the vet asap!

Does yr Mother have Dementia? You can take the cat in for a Vet checkup and get an appointment 4 fixing. Do u need to get her permission when you are a her off & on care taker?

1. Take the cat to a vet and get it fixed.
2. Don't live in Mom's house.
3. Learn to live with the cat and any other unpleasantness of living with Mom.

You don't give us much to go on, other than complaining about Mom's cat,
Which doesn't seem relevant to this forum.

Is there something more? Anything more relevant to those of us caring for a loved one with dementia or a loved one with serious physical limitations?

We all strive to help one another out here. I know my answers sound flip, but, you're complaining about a cat. At your mom's house.
I don't have any experience or expertise in dealing with that.

If my simplistic answers don't help, perhaps you can share more about the situation. Or, refer back to #1.

I won't say to put yourself in your mom's shoes. I would say:

Find your own shoes and put them on.

While you do not say anything about your mother's mental health, age, etc., she may have cognitive functioning challenges/issues due to dementia. There is no logical or health 'reason' for your mother to believe / insist as she does. I suggest your mother may need to be medically assessed. It will benefit you to understand her cognitive functioning/abilities.

If I were you, I would get the cat spade and not tell her - if telling her will cause problems between you - and from what you say, it will.

You need to take charge; own your power; and do what is in both your - and the cat's - best interest. And, your mother's too although she won't acknowledge that.

The other possibility might be for you to leave.
Do you have to stay in the home with her and the poor cat in heat, howling?

She'll be mad at you and that is okay.
Do what you know needs to be done.
Deal with the fallout later.

When you take your power back, her 'expressing anger and worse (?) will not affect you as much as it might have before you 'stood up for yourself - and the cat. It is cruel to do this to the cat. You have to manage the situation. Your mother clearly has no compassion or consideration for the cat. It is up to you to do what is (also) in the best interest of the cat.

Gena / Touch Matters

Check to see if you have a non profit cat cafe in your area.

We used to have Crescent City Cat Club in our area that was a nonprofit.

It closed a while back but the woman who opened it adored cats and rescued them.

I wonder how successful cat cafes are. They seem to be cropping up all over the place.

Bring a family member or friend over, who falls in love with the cat,
and begs Mom to allow the cat to go live with them.

Our local Animal Control is highly invested in education about leash laws, spaying & neutering, and what to do about feral animals. Ask an officer to come over and educate mom.

If the dog is not licensed, (speaks to a person's ability to care for their pets),
(cats do not require licensing); then ask an officer to come over and educate Mom.

Convince Mom that both the cat and dog need their teeth cleaned.
Take them to a vet who knows beforehand that the cat needs spaying.
Ask him to give his advice on spaying the cat, have him be persuasive
and counsel mother.
Have the vet keep kitty overnight (for some reason), and let Mom decide.

Help her pay for it?

Do both the cat and dog receive the needed vet care?

In your shoes, when mom was asleep, the cat would disappear to an animal shelter and never be seen in the house again. And if mom asked, I’d react just as I did when I had toddlers and they missed something like a pacifier that I’d gotten rid of, just a puzzled look and a quick “wow, wonder what happened?” No cat needs to be where they aren’t wanted and no human needs to live in misery

I don’t understand why someone wouldn’t spay or neuter their pets. For me, it is the responsible thing to do and eliminates problems.

I agree with Alva, JoAnn and olddude. Take the cat to a low cost shelter and have it done.

My last cat was so funny. I got her as a kitten. She learned to use her litter box quickly.

One day she got outside and started using the bathroom outside and would not use the litter box anymore. I kept her litter box clean but for some reason she preferred going outside.

She never went to the bathroom on anything inside. Once, she climbed into my Christmas tree and shook all of my ornaments off of the tree!

That was the extent of the damage that she caused. I loved her so much. She lived to be 16 years old.

Olddude, you made me giggle when you said to tell the OP’s mom that the cat is hiding. One time my cat was hiding in my sock drawer. When I finished putting my socks on, I didn’t see her curled up on top of my socks, so I closed the drawer with her in it!

I kept hearing her meow but couldn’t find her. When I traced her sound and opened the drawer, she popped out like a Jack in the box.

No more pets for me either. I do enjoy my daughter’s dog.

I have owned 4 cats in a 30 yr period. 3 males and one female. My female was the sprayer and fixing her did not change it. I could not get rid of her, she lived to be 16. Once they spray, there is really nothing that will cure it. She wrecked a entertainment unit I loved. My furniture. My rugs. My porch. Not to mention other things. When she passed I replaced everything. In our 70s we will not have another cat. Nor dog, neither of us really wants anyway.

What I would do is take it to a no kill shelter. They will spay/neuter it and put it up for adoption. Tell Mom the cat got out of the house. Hopefully spaying it will correct the spraying. I am so with you because the smell of urine from a unfixed cat is awful and very hard to get out of stuff. Any rooms we could shut the door were shut while the female was alive.

Just take the cat and get it fixed. As mentioned before, there are low cost spay services available. Usually you take them back home the same day. Just tell mom the cat is hiding.

I know if you have discussed this with your mother? If you have, can you please tell me her response to you?

I would go to your nearest shelter. Many have free spay/neuter programs. Often these are meant for feral cats that people trap, take to be spayed, and return to site. If you want to avoid the cost of checkup, vaccine, and etc. then I would say this is the way to go; at least it is worth a try.
I would simply then take the kitty and get this done. Tell Mom you did it for the cat.

Now we come to the bad part. This kitty may not stop marking just because she's spayed. For a while she will still have lots of raging hormones. She may or may not stop eventually.

I agree with others that it makes a difference here whether you have entered your mom's home because you require a place to stay for a while or you entered her home because she requires your help. The latter would give you some rights to sleep without being urinated on. But the former reason would mean you realistically don't have a lot to say about how your mom lives, just as you would not want her judgement on how you live.

Good luck, and welcome to the forum. For the kitty's own good I hope she gets spayed.

Stop spending the night at mom's house.
If she needs over night care she can hire someone.
Under NO circumstance do you bring mom to live in your house with the cat.
You are not going to change mom's mind about this. What you can do is set boundaries for you.
.
You do not give any info in your profile about mom, her medical conditions as to why you are spending nights there.
If you are "helping" her so she can remain in her house "independently" then you stop, you are not helping. She is NOT independent and needs help.

Look for a free spay/neuter clinic and get the cat spayed.

Shelters are overrun at present, and if surrendered to a shelter, the cat is likely to be euthanized unless it’s a no-kill shelter.

Bring the cat to a shelter. Someone will adopt it. Im
assuming you are caregiving your mother. Tell your mother a therapeutic lie or the truth. She will just have to deal with it.

I need more information.

You state you have lived on and off in the house with them. Does this mean you are young and having a hard time launching or does it mean mom is old and ill and you come help?

Without that information you can not honestly expect good advice from a caregiver forum, even though you will get lots of speculative information.

My 105-yr old Aunt has a cat that sometimes bites her leg when it wants attention. It gave her a septic infection that landed her in the hospital for a week. This cat was the comfort cat for my other Aunt with advanced dementia who passed away in 2021, these Aunts lived together. The surviving Aunt didn't want to give "Charlie" away and this is why she didn't tell us it was biting her. This Aunt is very cognitively sound, so she gets to make the decision because the cat hasn't done this to the caregivers BUT if I lived in that house and it bit me, this cat would "disappear". I grew up with cats and had them as an adult but I have a low tolerance for animals that create work or expenses for me and give back little other benefit.

So, open the door and "accidentally" leave it open or call Animal Control or drop it off at the Humane Society. Don't tell your Mom what you're doing or let her see you doing it. If she asks where the cat is, tell her it's "hiding". Just don't bring up this topic and she may actually forget about it now that she has a dog.

Cats yowling, biting, spraying or defecating in the house is a deal-breaker. Caregiving has to happen on the caregiver's terms.

Is there any way you can at least get the cat to a veterinarian? Are you willing to pay for spaying? You say she has the money but since she won’t use it, you need to step in. A lot of rescue groups offer sliding scale or low cost spay/neuter.

A pet is not something to “get rid of”. If you pose it that way to your mom, of course she’ll insist on keeping it. I agree your mother is irresponsible, but it’s not the cat’s fault.