How do I move away from the parents who need me?

I don't understand why you are doing all those things. The assisted living facility should handle those things for you. My father lives 30 minutes from me. They manage his medications, take him to doctor appointments and for an additional fee do his laundry. I just handle his finances and I can do that from anywhere.

Don't put off your retirement to Florida. Get services set up for your parents and plan to visit often as you can.

This is tough spot to be in. I think it would be different if you were already living further away when your parents were younger.

My daughter has decided that she wants to live in Colorado after graduating college. I want her to be wherever she is happy and find a career. She will be a long distance away from our home in Louisiana.

If you have always lived near to her then I feel it’s a more difficult decision to make because of your parents age.

Just wanted to say whatever you decide I wish you the best. It is helpful to hear feedback from others but only you can decide what is best for you.

How far have you got with planning the dream move to Florida? Is this imminent - something you see happening this year, say? Or is it more in the pipeline, or even further away and a mere castle in the air for the time being?

You haven't gone yet, anyway! - so it's a little premature to be devastated and guilt-ridden. But there are difficulties.

Did your parents, with or without your knowledge and approval, move to your town in order to be near you?

When you accepted POA, were you and they counting on your being within practical distance?

When did you and DH begin to formulate the Florida dream, and is this something you've ever talked to your parents about?

The ALF should be able to handle Meds and laundry. Actually, Moms would not allow the residents to have meds in there rooms. The only problem I see is getting them their personal needs.

My mother is in the Memory Care section of an ALF and I am an only child. I do not feel as though I can leave her there and move to another state, even though her medications are managed and her doctor(s) come into the facility to treat her. I am planning to wait for her to pass away before my husband and I can move away and start our own retirement plans.

Of course you can put your parents on the medication program at their ALF, you can also arrange for them to see the on site doctors who come in as well as the mobile dentists, etc. You can Face Time them, as suggested, and/or hire a geriatric care manager. But there will be times you will need to fly back for emergencies and other events that need your attention. That's my take on the situation and something I feel I'd need to do myself, should I move away.

There is no 'easy answer' here, as I'm sure you know. As much care as they're given in the ALF, they still require regular visits from us.

Wishing you the best of luck!

To add to what WilliMartin says...There are Geriatric Care Managers that do the very thing you need done. They can manage the appointments, they will report to you. Mail order for medications. An mom would probably be better in Memory Care and that would also take some stress off dad. If dad can not manage finances most things can be done by you on line from anywhere in the world!
Yes you might have to make a trip north once in a while but you would probably do that anyway to visit.

There are some difficult choices to make here. From what you wrote it seems like your mom would be better off in a memory care facility. Your dad can benefit from this by less worry about moms safety. He can manage finances if he is competent. He may be able to take a cab to appointments (and visit MCF) mail order pharmacy, home care nurse to set up medications as needed. You can still be POA no matter where you live. POA usually takes effect when senior is mentally incapacitated). Face time or phone call your father regularly to check in on him (first teach him how to use face time as many elderly are not familiar with technology of this kind). You mentioned they get meals and house keeping, house keeping might help with laundry if needed. You deserve to live your retirement years the way (like your parents did before your mothers dementia).