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She is waiting for dentures, meanwhile can only drink liquids. Her lips and mouth burn when she eats soft food. Of course she is losing weght. Leaking bladder is worse now. While she was hospitalized for UTI, she did not wear adult diapers . She is home now and wants to use just the diaper without the extra pad. She leaks urine in the bed even more than before. I put pads under and over the sheets. Also changes diapers in the bed. Other pain issues due to hip surgery and tailbone movement. Takes opioids for pain and to help her sleep. Doesn't want to get hair washed or get a sponge bath. SHE told me to leave her alone. I am at home all day due to early retirement. The diapers and over the counter meds are expensive. She does get meds that her doctor prescribes. At her doctor appointments she says that nothing hurts , she feels fine.

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Is your mother drastically different from the woman you knew, or is this what you might have expected from her normal personality? Chronic pain, incontinence, oral pain and a diet restricted to liquids would make anybody depressed and cranky, dementia or not. Here is an AgingCare article you may find helpful:

https://preview.agingcare.com/articles/signs-of-dementia-156694.htm
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are you saying it upsets you when she says "im fine" at dr appt?...when you know she is in pain?

maybe prior to a dr appt. have her tell you HOW she is feeling. make a list (a lot of people make list prior to appts)
that way you have a list of complaints. maybe add your own from observation. if she will agree.
its probably hard to tell if she has dementia, being in a pain from hip surgery. I wouldn't be thinking straight if I had pain.

the way I can tell my mom has dementia, is by just having a conversation with her. I can go around in circles because she cant retain the details of story im telling. oh course with my mom, she has a ton of other telling signs...
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A medical professional would test her cognitive skills and come up with a "score". But until her health issues were resolved I not see how useful the results would be for you.
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