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And my anxiety about our financial future? We have large house with 2000 sq. ft of trains and hundreds of kits still in boxes, one 76 year old husband with serious hand involvement from diabetes who wants more, more, more, a community property state and an anxious bi-polar wife who is afraid of running out of money

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I"m so sorry that you're having to cope with this. It's a terrible way to live.

It sounds as though your husband's diabetes may be kicking in cognitive issues. He needs a checkup to see if there is a dementia situation here. Either way, you may need to take over finances completely or turn your finances over to an expert (your bank should be able to help). Then, an allowance would be set up and he could use that but no more.
Good luck with this tough problem,
Carol
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I certainly hope that bi-polar wife is seeing a therapist about her anxiety and a lawyer about the finances.
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I think I would see a lawyer to discuss options.

You don't say if husband has any mental impairments. Has he always been a frivolous spender, or is this new. Changes in mental status and behavior should be reported to his doctor.
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I dont' know what to suggest. I will share this...since 2008 I have bought 29 motorcycles and sold 27 of them...Compulsion? yes? Mental Imbalance? Perhaps...thing is, I can afford it. I have slightly higher *very slight" net worth than I did in 2008.

Grace + peace,
Bob
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Open up an account in your name. Put all the money in it. Then you will be safe. Both of you will need care, and so you being the sane one here, need to assure you have money left. Seems to me a matter of survival.
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Having had clinical depression, I NEVER overspent. I hardly wanted to go out of the house. Your emotions and reactions are so blunted one does not want to do anything, much less shop.
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You need to cut up any credit cards and get your husband diagnosed for either dementia or another mental illness. Just because you have bipolar disorder and hopefully are maintaining on stable medication, there is no reason why you should let the anxiety overwhelm you. Share your concerns with your doctor. We share the same disorder and when I am feeling overwhelmed, I step back, take a walk with the dogs, and/or go for a ride to get a new perspective. No one who is a caregiver for a person with dementia has worry-free days. Tell yourself you can do this and you need to speak up for yourself!
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Compulsive shopping could also be due to anxiety or depression. If he is truly spending money that you need, you need to sit down and talk with him about this possibility. Show him the numbers that if he doesn't stop, the two of you are going to go broke. Then make an appointment for him with his general physician and go with him. If he is spending what you need to live on, he needs help. Don't wait until it bankrupts the BOTH of you.
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If your husband does not have any type of mental disorder try to reason with him that you control the finances. The spending will get worse protect yourself now.
My husband has a cognative disorder and is on oxygen 24/7...has racked up massive credit card debt. I have thrown money at attorneys who have told me that I am in limbo because his mental health is not bad enough for him to require guardianship. I can't reason with him since logic does not work with mental illness. Open your own checking account, get your name off his credit cards and try to monitor his spending as well as you can. Good Luck.
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I am normal, started collecting Hallmark thinking $. Well i started to realize no market so overwellmed gave to thrift stores for write off & was a wonderful load off my shoulders. Now looking back we had fun searching but now getting older & hallmark gone is best feeling. It gets to be a desease. If he plans to make money give him a $ amount he must sell to buy more.
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