How do I help a friend who is showing serious signs of dementia?
Over the past year, I have noticed with increasing concern the state of mind of a dear friend of mine. We sing in a choir together, and she has slipped from being spot on with the music, to not even realizing she's holding the page upside down.
Last Sunday she came to church dressed inside out. Another friend noticed and tried to help her switch her dress back and she said "Oh, no one will notice" She is the church chorister and YES, people noticed.
She drives still, but evidently has gotten lost a lot lately.
I just found out yesterday that her husband is a high functioning alcoholic and has been for YEARS.
She seems to be aware that "something is wrong" but doesn't know what.
She's also gotten lost on walks--and she's lived in the same house 45 years.
Help! This isn't really MY problem, but I feel her family should be made aware of it. B/C of her DH she is not close to her kids (2nd marriage they opposed).
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I said "high functioning" and I MEANT to say "mean drunk". Some ladies who are closer to her have tried to talk to him but he yells at them and slams the door. Depends on his level of inebriation.
He is not a member of our faith and our pastor approaching him would be pointless. I guess my concern should be that this needs to be passed on to her kids.
A thought that passed through my head is that she is having TIA's and those can be treated. From speaking to other women who are closer to her, there is a great awareness in her rapid decline.
I will be contacting the daughter today--wish me luck!
If you can't bear the husband or he's seriously unapproachable, and given that you know this lady through church, then perhaps the next best option is to put this in the hands of a professional person with a well-defined pastoral role and recognised status in the community. I.e., smile sweetly at the minister and tell him that one of his flock needs his help. [note: if the pastor does not have any dementia awareness to speak of, it's time he had.]
I'm really not sure about getting in touch with the children off your own bat, not at this point. If they're already distanced from her because of her husband, and they come in with all guns blazing and start hurling accusations, things could get a lot worse before they get better - it wouldn't be a good start to any adjustment she needs to make. Softly softly.
She lives 250 miles away--but after I called her, she said she was coming up to get a family council going.
Talked to our "pastor" and he wasn't aware either, although he said "Suddenly a LOT of things make sense!" (Poor man, he has so many problems on his plate)
I am not involved with this and won't be. Just feel really sad for her.