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My 85 yr old mom with dementia is getting worse. She refuses to leave her home (it is paid for) and says she won't be around long and wants to live her last years in her home. Last night I had to call one of her friends that helps out with mom as I had tried to call several times yesterday and got no answer. She went over and the house was dark (around 7 PM) When she got into the house, she has a key, mom was sitting in the bedroom on the floor with just her underwear and a sweater on. She had wet herself and was confused. She said she went to bed early, but the dog was still out of her kennel. I have POA and she has her advanced directive. Except for the dementia she is very healthy. She has been sundowning more and more and refuses to let visiting angels into the house. She will fight leaving her home all the way and I hate to have to move her, but without assistance, what else can I do? Appreciate all info.

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The options you have are limited.
Live in or several caregivers that will cover 24/7 care of mom.
You or another family member move in with mom.
OR
Realize her expectations of wanting to stay in the house are not realistic. She needs 24/7 care and it is probably not going to happen if she is in her home.
As her POA it is time for you to make sure she is safe.
She has no choice.. She needs to let people in to help her or she needs to be placed in MC so that she is safe.
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All of us face difficult choices when it comes to taking care of our elderly parents or LOs. Sooner or later an event will occur that will cause you to make a choice. Your story indicates that it almost happened. Do you have POAs? Either you exercise your authority now or later. Mom needs help!!!
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Call her local Area Agency on Aging and tell them that your mom needs a social worker for Case Management and a needs assessment.

Did the neighbor call 911 and have mom taken to the hospital?

Your mom may have a UTI which can cause sudden confusion. They can become septic and lead to death if not treated.
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dlwyma Sep 2021
Thank you. I have started the ball rolling and requested an assessment for mom. Appreciate your advice.
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