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I am eldest child of 5. I moved back into my parents house 8 years ago to help financially and help out with doctors appointments, declining health and overall caregiving. My parents both have health issues and I have feel like a human yoyo trying to take care of their medical needs. I find my job has been suffering and I'm overwhelmed...October 2020 -Update I am no longer working, except as the main care giver.


March 27, 2021
My mother passed away last night after THREE long years of back and forth to specialists, new doctors, labs, referrals and medications for the mystery ailment my mom seemed to have.


She used to weigh 225 pounds. She kept losing weight and had massive pain and gas after eating. No matter the diet (ie, no dairy, no gluten, no fiber, no this no that) we had tried everything even had a feeding tube inserted to help her nutritionally when it hurt after eating. When she died last night she was less than a hundred pounds at 5'6. She had in reality starved to death..NOT intentionally...her last 2 weeks of life her life, her PCP and new GI has a notion that she may have a vascular problem. This hunch/guess turned out to be partially true. She had artery blockage in the three main arteries and her small and large intestine were not receiving any blood flow. They performed exploratory surgery too late...they sent her home with hospice care and died a little after 24 hours of being in her home.


I am so angry at all the false diagnosis, lack of concern on overburdened doctors and half a** attempts to pass the buck or indifference on the doctors who she came into contact with. She suffered horribly but she was strong mentally and hardly complained (most people would have been screaming in agony) except to say she felt she had some sort of blockage. Perhaps if she had created a ruckus every time she would still be with us today.


My other issue is my father who has dementia. He can remember some long term but nothing short -term. He was sitting in a recliner beside my mom but has asked myself and my sister over and over again where my mother is...Has anyone ever dealt with the above disease (Intestinal ischemia) and what is the best way to handle my father's questions regarding what happened to my mother, his wife?

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I am so sorry that your mom had to suffer so, and that you had to witness it. Unfortunately Dr's are human like the rest of us, and they don't call it "practicing medicine" for nothing. Bless you for taking such good care of your mom, and dad. You did and are doing the very best you can. Don't beat yourself up with the what ifs, and if onlys. It won't do you any good. I am a firm believer that when it's our time to go, it's our time to go. No matter what. So please take comfort in the fact that your mom no longer has to suffer, and she's now free from all illness. May God give you His peace and comfort in the days, weeks and months ahead.
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Deirdrem Mar 2021
Thank you for your kind words. I do appreciate it. God bless you too.

Deirdre
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I am so sorry for your loss. You are likely correct that overwhelmed doctors in our times now had something to do with this; and you may be right that constant trips to ER would have got you into a specialist faster. They may or may not have found this condition earlier. Your poor Mom may or may not have survived a tricky surgery on vascular system (it is often complicated, and often has serious side effects of clotting problems etc.
I am very sorry for all you Mom had to go through.
As to Dad, if his dementia is this severe you will only have to repeat this often and often until it does compute, forever if it does not. This isn't uncommon.
I wish you the best.
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Deirdrem Mar 2021
Thank you AlvaDeer.
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I am so sorry for your loss.

May God give you and your family grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.
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Deirdrem Mar 2021
Thank you and god bless you as well.
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Use any explanation that will satisfy him at the time but do not tell him she has died.
She went to the store
She is at the doctor's office
She is in the bathroom
Then if you can redirect the conversation.
I am sorry for the loss of your mom.
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Deirdrem Mar 2021
Thank you so much we will try this.
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I'm sorry for the suffering and loss of your mother. I was just watching a YouTube video by Teepa Snow, a dementia expert, and she said they don't "reorient to reality" when dementia patients with memory loss ask questions like your dad. Tell him whatever works in the moment and doesn't upset him. He will keep asking and you don't want him to have to re-grieve every time. May you gain peace in your heart.
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Deirdrem Mar 2021
Thank you my siblings are in agreement to give your suggestion a try.
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