How do I get my sister to help for more then 4 days a year?

the only way to "make" someone help you would be to ... in the dark of night go to her house, tackle her, tie her up, toss her in the car and drive to your dad's house. Once there you will have to chain her to the house so she can not escape. You need to cut off the phone lines so she can not call for help. (might be a problem if dad needs 911)
Even after doing all that you still can't MAKE her help you.

You should not have left YOUR family
You should not have left YOUR home.

Solutions:
Dad pays for caregivers to come in so he can remain in his home. Chances are he will need those caregivers 24/7.
You begin looking for a facility that will care for dad as his care needs change and he declines.
You research resources that will enable him to move into a facility that will meet his needs.
Is he a Veteran? Good possibility that the Parkinson's might be traced back to his service. If so he may qualify for a lot of help from the VA.
Will he have to apply for Medicaid? If so begin that application process as soon as possible.

And I have to ask...why did you leave YOUR home and family move in with dad...why not him leave HIS home and move in with you?

By the way..I was kidding about tying her up that is Kidnapping and it is against the law it is a Class 2 Felony.

You can't. Simply put, all you can do is ask. I'd like for you to take a few minutes and think about this when you say; "How can I get them more involved..."
The bottom line here is that you seem to be cautious about approaching your sister on this request. It also sounds like there are more extenuating circumstances surrounding your family dynamic, which makes alot of advice moot in terms of some of the well thought out responses here on this thread so far.
You sibling has her reasons, and you have yours, ie, scheduling/personal viewpoints and feelings.
I no longer expect a thing from my sibs. If they help out here and there, it's a pleasant surprise. If they don't, I'm none the worse for the wear. THAT is where I find my peace, which is the acceptance in that I cannot and will not expect anything from my sibs in this current situation. It also, (should you decide to take this advice), makes the world turn alot smoother.
Early on, when everyone was finding their "groove" with facility life, it was like 6 different people were planning to go on some sort of a vacation, only to end up arguing with six different opinions as to where we all wanted to go for the destination. I decided to assume all responsibility to stop the minutia so that at least I knew what was unfolding. This has been successful for myself, my mother and my marriage.
Having said that, I realize that it may not work for you in this way, as I recognize that living with your father full time isn't feasible. However, my point to you is that your resentment is founded, but you may find yourself with chronic / growing resentment if you just don't come out and ask your sister for some help, without trying to maneuver a response in your favor from her. This way, at least you will know and can plan more effectively and emotionally and logistically.
Just my .02
Good luck.

Sounds like It's time to make placement for your father in a nursing facility. You can't make family help out so if you don't want to carry the burden and your family carry the burden then you can do the responsible thing and do the diligence on searching out the facilities in your area for your father. Leaving your own family doesn't set well for you or them, not fair to children or your husband and you have a life of your own to live. It's not selfish to want to live your life. you may need to sell vacation home to pay for the facility or home care aids. Best to get the financial and medical POA for your father so you can legally help him with the move.
I'm like Lulu376: You left your family? Your sister is honest at least in her choice to not give up her life to take care of your father. You are taking care of him but doing it resentfully. It's hard enough to be a caregiver when you are happy to do it. This is not healthy for you or your family. You are a good daughter, so be a good wife, mother and grandmother too. Lovingly I tell you, "go home".

You left your family?

Just read your profile. Your dad is in his 80’s with Parkinson’s disease.

I don’t know what stage of Parkinson’s disease your dad is in. The latter stages of Parkinson’s are quite challenging.

Are you planning on living with your dad for the long haul? Have you considered placement in a facility to allow your dad to receive around the clock care by a professional staff?

I fully acknowledge that being a caregiver is too much for one person to handle. I understand how hard this is for you.

I was my mother’s caregiver. She had Parkinson’s disease. She died at age 95.

Your sister deserves to make her own choices in life, just as you do.

I hope that you will consider resuming your life with your family. Go back to being your father’s daughter again instead of his primary caregiver.

You won’t be abandoning your dad if he is placed in a facility. You can be your his advocate and oversee his care. Wishing you and your father well.

You already know the answer to your question. You cannot force your sister to do anything she doesn’t want to do, and she’s made it clear already. No-one else can or will force her either.

So what do you want from us? If we say that your sister is wrong and you are being imposed on, it may make you feel better in the short term. But it may also make you feel justified in being angrier in the longer term. Is that really better – for you? Or for her or for Dad?

If you have reached the point where you want to go home, it might be good to talk with sister about what happens next. If Dad gets a united front, it will probably help him to accept that things have to change. You can respond to a crisis, but it is not the way to live the rest of your life.

To be fair, no one else is responsible for what you chose to do. I can’t believe you left your family. Are you married?

You are “living with my dad because he needs the help”. Your dad needs help. That doesn’t mean you have to be living with him. Separate the two things.

You don’t. Arrange for care when you have to be away from your dad. Do not rely on your sister. She is not obligated to help.

One day she will lose that chance forever.

"How can I get them more involved and myself time to go home".

Turn from relying on *them* to remembering YOU are The Master/Mistress of your own time.

What would stop you leaving in 1 week? (Assuming you have funds to fly or ability to drive)

What are the specific reasons that would stop you?

They don't want to be more involved. As you've discovered, caregiving is difficult and most people don't want to do it.

It's natural for you to feel resentful. Why would you try not to? You gave up your life, and being with your children and grandchildren, all because your dad can no longer live alone. Apparently he had no plans for his elder care other than you and your sister. That's on him.

You need to tell dad you can't do it anymore. That you need to be with your family. Then explore other options, such as assisted living or a nursing home for him. You've done your bit, and you matter as much as he does. So go.

If dad and sister have a fit over this, let them figure it out together.

You can't expect your sister to fulfill the choices you made. She is entitled to go on vacation just as you are. Why would you hold that against her? If dad can no longer live on his own, then choices have to be made by him to rectify that situation. But you don't get to make choices for your sister.

I'm not sure how close you are to her and how much you've expressly asked for her help, but it might not be a bad idea to say bluntly (but without vitriol):

"Sis, I need your help. I really need your help. I'm drowning in this responsibility. I don't expect you to take over, but I could really use more of your help right now until we get through this as a family. Please think about it, and let's have a conversation in the next few weeks about how we can work together better on this."

It might not work, but people do have the capacity to change. People sometimes have blinders on until the person with the burden finally says "I need you now." If she and you have some good feelings towards each other and she's not a complete flake, she may really get the message, if you're direct enough, and she may arrive at the decision herself to be more available.

Again, this is not going to work in every situation. But sometimes it does. Sometimes people can be reached. Good luck.

Simple answer: You can't.

Sis has her life and she's living it. She didn't make the choice to move in with your dad (did she even support it? was she even in the loop about the decision?)

If this was a decision you made on your own, you really can't expect anything from family. I'm sorry to say this. One person can't tell others "OK, I'm doing this and I expect A, B, C from you."

You can reach out to them and ask for help. Don't have ANY expectations of offers of help, and hopefully you will get some help.

Your other options would include paying for short term care for dad. If dad can't afford that, maybe your sibs would cough up some money for that.

IDK--If I were your family, I'd feel pretty shortchanged about the CG situation. My Dh is currently involved in the most ridiculous plan to care for his mother at home. Watching all 3 of the 'kids' in this slowly but surely become more depressed by the day has been so disheartening.

Our kids hate that 'Papa' is so depressed and doesn't want to do anything. How does your family really feel?

You will see a lot of replies on here to the effect of “You made the choice to provide the care, therefore you can’t be mad about doing it or expect family to help.” People get pulled into situations and end up stuck, and more involved than they wanted to be. I am one of those people.
In some situations , all the choices are bad. I was geographically cursed in that I live 10 miles from my mentally ill mother, while my brother is 350 miles away.
When she showed up at my door after 10 years, my thoughts were to GET her help, NOT to be her help. The problem is APS doesn’t just “take them,” if they have any sort of mental capacity intact. I got APS involved, and all they did was ask if she had food, and some cleanup and repairs on her house. There was no other help coming. It felt cruel to exit. I have a healthcare background, and, once I saw how she was living and her extensive healthcare needs that can’t be met here.. it felt cruel to walk.
You can read some of my other posts about the crap we’ve dealt with in the last year.
My brother’s life has remained the same level of easy it’s always been. He will never help. I’m on the fence about what our relationship will be when mother is gone. I’m offended that someone who supposedly cares about me would step back and let me be mired in this hell.

All of this happened on the tail end of my sweet dads sudden terminal illness, the difficulties I had in getting him diagnosed with liver failure and cancer (again largely handled by just me), and being his executrix, selling his home etc. My brother has remained largely insulated from ANY of this hard stuff, said some insensitive things to me as I dealt with dad’s illness.

Don't feel resentful.
This was your choice.

The answer to "How can I get my sister to do ANYTHING" is that you cannot.
That is the thing you have to understand fully.
I would be more in your sister's court, myself. I would not be taking on the in home care of my relative. You say you have left home and family to do this. I certainly hope that isn't a primary family of, say, husband and children who are minors that you left.

There is no obligation to do in home care for our parents nor for them to move in with us. The obligations exist FROM parent TO child. A parent is responsible to the child while that child is not of age. Then that child is responsible for children he or she brings into this world.

You have made a choice. But it isn't your right to make that choice for others. And it will be a waste of energy you are going to sorely need now to do what you have chosen to take on. I hope that, when you moved in, you let your parent know that you will have to assess things as you go, and re-evaluate as things progress. I wish you the very best.

The better question here is why in the world would you give up your family and life to move in with your dad? I mean really....don't you think that it's you that has your priorities mixed up and not your sister?
Your sister has it right. She's putting her immediate family before anyone else and that is how it should be. You could learn a thing or two from her.
If your dad can no longer live by himself then do him(and yourself)a favor and have him placed in an assisted living facility where he will be around folks his own age to enjoy and have fun with and also receive the care that he needs, and you can get back to making your immediate family a priority. Because remember you can never get these days and years back that you're losing with your children and grandchild.
Hands on caregiving only works when it's working for all parties involved and it's obviously no longer working for you, so start today with looking into the best facility for your dad.

Your sister isn’t thinking there is a problem because you solved the problem by moving in with Dad . She’s not going to help enough .

Get Dad placed in a facility either in Florida or near where you live and move back home. Your father’s needs will only increase and you will not be able to help him alone. You say he can’t live alone, I’m assuming he would need an aide 24/7. Most folks can’t pay an aide 24/7 for in home care , it’s too much money . If Dad owns his home sell it and use that money and any other that he has for a facility . Don’t use your own money . If you have to , sell the vacation home as well . I hope someone has POA .

Your home is not in Florida .

Peties, in my experience, when family emergencies occur, an adult child often swoops in to to manage the crisis.

Once the crisis phase is over, there's time to reassess, and to take EVERYONE'S needs and resources into account.

Do you want to live with dad? Do you want to in in FL, away from your kids and grandkids?

If not, start with getting a professional needs assessment for determine what dad's care needs are.

Assess his finances--income, assets and entitlements.

Figure out a plan that works for you both. Your life matters as much as dad's.

Feeling resentful is ok.
Asking questions is good.

"Left my family and moved".
Why?
"living with my dad because he needs the help"
Why?
"he can no longer live alone.."
Why not?

Does Dad need help through a short recovery? Or longterm?

A significant sudden health event? Or maybe a slow progression of disease or decline?

How has he adapted to his new situation? What changes has he made? Has he hired home help? Plans to downsize, move? What's his plan?

Your sister is not going to do anything she does not want to do. She would already have done more. Forget about pressuring her. It won’t work.

Get some outside help in place or consider how to place him in AL.