How do I get my mother motivated to get out of bed?

+1 on what Daughter just said.

Im 1965, my grandmother broke her hip. In those days, that rendered you an invalid. GM told all her friends that she would sit in bed and "my daughters will serve me" (!).

The problem was that my aunt worked and my mom had 3 kids, including a 2 year old.

Grandma was told by her daughters that she was going to this newfangled thing callled "rehab"--Medicare had just been passed. Grandma said "I can't believe you are sending me to live amongst strangers", but she DID learn to walk again with a walker and was able to live independently for a few more years.

Get your mom to rehab, asap.

I’d say you need to find a really good carrot to get that horse to the watering hole…

Maybe a treat that she would really love or respond to? Sometimes you just need to get the ball rolling? Maybe serve tea or coffee with cake and have a friend or relative visit? Serve it in the kitchen, and say if she wants to attend, she has to come to the kitchen. Then the next day, find a different carrot. Maybe it’s a beautiful day to just sit outside.

Try thinking outside the box, and find something tempting. But don’t cave - if she thinks she can get away with it and eat her cake too, she will.

I’d talk to her doctor about sending her for inpatient rehab. You have what is sometimes called “powdered butt syndrome” Once a person has powdered your butt they often don’t want your opinions or urging. The physical therapy needs to come with you not around. And mom needs a blunt conversation that not getting up means you can’t provide care. My dad went to a new, lower baseline of walking/shuffling after each hospital stay. He became increasingly resistant to PT. It’s a frustrating road. We had to be pretty harsh with him several times, while understanding he was tired of it all. Mom isn’t motivated to try when you’re doing everything for her, it’s hard, but leaving her on her own and backing off may help

Your Mother is holding you hostage. It's working for her.

Nephew is playing his 'male card' (no bathroom care work). It's working for him.

What would happen if you said No? "Mother, I am going home so you must get up or go back to rehab".

What if you won a trip to Paris & left tomorrow?

I'm picturing it now.. nephew shakes head, calls Doctor gets Mom re-admitted to hospital, then rehab.

I just spoke to my friend who is caring for her mother. Her mother insists on being in bed all day and if that is the case, she will NOT be able to walk any longer and she will have to be put into a nursing home. Tell her she must get out of bed no matter what and walk or you WILL PUT HER IN TO A NURSING HOME. That should motivate her and be prepared to do it if she doesn't cooperate.

I had a neighbor whose MIL never tried to get past a wheelchair and she was more senior than elderly. But the MIL participated in daily living.

Tough love may be needed if you’ve become the crutch that prevents her from dealing with reality. Stock the frig and leave. She wants to eat, she has to get to the kitchen. She needs to dress and shower, she figures it out.

When we had patients that wouldn't get out of bed in the hospital, we used to tell them we needed to change their bed. We would take the bedding off the bed and not put it back on until evening. We also said "the doctor insists you eat all your meals in a chair at the table." Once she is out of bed a gentle massage may help warm her up for physical therapy.

Your mom may also be suffering from depression. I know that depression can make doing anything seem like climbing a mountain. Please have her evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist. Psych medications can take awhile to build up to therapeutic levels in the blood stream. So be patient, but keep encouraging her to get up.

Get her to use a walker, cane whatever to start going to places she likes like going out to eat, going to a movie, go het ya's hair done, get a Massage, go get a Manicure or Pedicure.

Tare a Drive to the Beach, what ever she would like to do.

As far as thinking she's dying, let her think whatever makes her happy, don't argue about it.

I would get her a good walker and have her walk around herself for exercise every single day and tell her that the exercise is necessary. I also would take her to the senior community center for activities just so she'll have enough to engage her or schedule more visits where people can come to her or try to get her to visit outside the home.

The longer she stays in bed the weaker she will become.

Maybe you can set a chair and tray up in her room to have meals for a week. I don't want to sound harsh but tell her if she wants to eat she needs to make an effort and must sit at the tray/table to eat. Maybe first set the chair and tray next to her bed and each day set it a little father away from the bed. After a week have her come to the family table for meals. Once you get her up get her to take a few extra steps.

If she anticipates dying she may not comply. She may, however get her wish if she doesn't get up and start moving.

FMLA will end at some point, what does mom expect you to do then? Tell her you will need to go back to work and if she hasn't made progress, she will probably be looking at moving into SNC/nursing home.

Check with her DRs and see if they can't get her in rehab. If she's like my dad she will be resistant, but it is important for her to get moving sooner rather than later. Have them also check her for depression.

I wish you the best.