I am the care giver for my Mother who was diagnosed with Dementia about 5 years ago. I am married and have been retired for 4 years. My beloved Father recently passed away two weeks ago while he was living with my Mom in an Assisted Living Facility (ALF) where they were both very happy. I moved my parents into the ALF by myself with no help from my sister. The reason she would not help with them is because she wanted them in a Nursing home so that she can pocket their money, her inheritance, which she has been hiding in her account for over 10 years. I still have my POA for both of my parents which I have had for 8 years. My sister went behind my back and had another POA signed 3 days ago. At the same time, she opened up a checking account with only my Mom and sisters name on the account. They probably had a living will drawn up, too. Not sure how ethical it is to be a witness for an 84 year old women, with advanced Dementia, sign papers for a POA. One day after Mom signed the POA, she could not tell me the name of her POA.
I never really asked my Sister to produce the money and put it into a separate account until my father passed away and that is what started this chain of events that totally blindsided me. Yesterday, I videotaped my Mom saying that 1) she loves the ALF she is in now and wants to stay there, 2) she does not want to live with me or my sister, 3) she did not know what the paper meant that she signed 2 days ago (referring to the POA), 4) she did not know who her power of attorney is right now, and 5) she did not know what day it is. Today, the manager at the ALF told me that my sister found out that I videotaped my Mom and proceeded to fly into a rage. My sister said Mom won’t be staying here from now on and this is her 30 days notice. The Manager told me that my Mom was crying and trying to say good-by to her friends but my sister wouldn’t let her and was yelling to get in the car because she was leaving the ALF for good and didn’t have time for this. The Manager told me that she was even crying herself because my poor Mom had just lost her husband and now my sister is making her leave her friends and the “safe place” that she now knows as home. Now I am heartbroken that I cannot see my Mom and I am in shock and disbelief that my sister is pulling this stunt. My sister works 3-4 days a week and is only holding my Mom hostage until she can dump her into a Nursing home so she can take Mom’s money for her inheritance. Yesterday, I waited almost 24 hours to see if my sister would drop off my Mom at the ALF and she has not. I texted her yesterday and she will not tell me where my Mom is living. She only told me “Mom wants to be closer to home. I’ll let you know when we find a facility.” The ALF Mom is only 45 minutes from my sisters house.
The rent is paid up at the ALF until the end of the month. How do I get my sister to put my Mom back in the ALF? My sister is not talking to either my husband or myself since I asked about the money. Does anyone know if there are Elder Care services that will talk to my sister about fulfilling my Mom’s wishes to stay in the ALF? Do I need to contest her POA or just disregard it? Will I get in trouble if I find my Mom and bring her to my house? Please help, I need advice right away.