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I am the care giver for my Mother who was diagnosed with Dementia about 5 years ago. I am married and have been retired for 4 years. My beloved Father recently passed away two weeks ago while he was living with my Mom in an Assisted Living Facility (ALF) where they were both very happy. I moved my parents into the ALF by myself with no help from my sister. The reason she would not help with them is because she wanted them in a Nursing home so that she can pocket their money, her inheritance, which she has been hiding in her account for over 10 years. I still have my POA for both of my parents which I have had for 8 years. My sister went behind my back and had another POA signed 3 days ago. At the same time, she opened up a checking account with only my Mom and sisters name on the account. They probably had a living will drawn up, too. Not sure how ethical it is to be a witness for an 84 year old women, with advanced Dementia, sign papers for a POA. One day after Mom signed the POA, she could not tell me the name of her POA.


I never really asked my Sister to produce the money and put it into a separate account until my father passed away and that is what started this chain of events that totally blindsided me. Yesterday, I videotaped my Mom saying that 1) she loves the ALF she is in now and wants to stay there, 2) she does not want to live with me or my sister, 3) she did not know what the paper meant that she signed 2 days ago (referring to the POA), 4) she did not know who her power of attorney is right now, and 5) she did not know what day it is. Today, the manager at the ALF told me that my sister found out that I videotaped my Mom and proceeded to fly into a rage. My sister said Mom won’t be staying here from now on and this is her 30 days notice. The Manager told me that my Mom was crying and trying to say good-by to her friends but my sister wouldn’t let her and was yelling to get in the car because she was leaving the ALF for good and didn’t have time for this. The Manager told me that she was even crying herself because my poor Mom had just lost her husband and now my sister is making her leave her friends and the “safe place” that she now knows as home. Now I am heartbroken that I cannot see my Mom and I am in shock and disbelief that my sister is pulling this stunt. My sister works 3-4 days a week and is only holding my Mom hostage until she can dump her into a Nursing home so she can take Mom’s money for her inheritance. Yesterday, I waited almost 24 hours to see if my sister would drop off my Mom at the ALF and she has not. I texted her yesterday and she will not tell me where my Mom is living. She only told me “Mom wants to be closer to home. I’ll let you know when we find a facility.” The ALF Mom is only 45 minutes from my sisters house.


The rent is paid up at the ALF until the end of the month. How do I get my sister to put my Mom back in the ALF? My sister is not talking to either my husband or myself since I asked about the money. Does anyone know if there are Elder Care services that will talk to my sister about fulfilling my Mom’s wishes to stay in the ALF? Do I need to contest her POA or just disregard it? Will I get in trouble if I find my Mom and bring her to my house? Please help, I need advice right away.

Call APS, stat.

This is a crisis and your mother is at risk of harm. Ask them to call the manager at the ALF so that they understand exactly what took place from an official source.

The whole family has just been devastated by the loss of your father. I'm sorry that it's having such terrible repercussions for all of you; but try not to panic. God willing this will all get sorted out and you'll be able to put it behind you.

Your poor, poor mother, and poor all of you. Please let us know what's happening, and good luck.
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ChattyCathy77 Apr 3, 2019
Thank you for the advice. I am going to the Dr’s office in an hour to get a copy of her notes on Mom regarding Dementia. I want to be able to provide APS with all of the paperwork so they know what they are up against and not have to dig for anything.
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There’s no way anything your mom signed while having advanced dementia is valid. It won’t stand up. Agree with calling APS, and also an elder care attorney for advice. So sorry this is happening, please let us know what you learn
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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I agree call APS.

You need to find out who drew up the POA. Yours needed to be revolked. If a lawyer, he should be told Mom was deemed incompetent. If she did it off the internet and didn't have witnesses and a notary present when Mom signed, I doubt its any good,

If sister tries to get Mom in a NH, she will have to pay privately or file for Medicaid. If she files for Medicaid she is going to have to show financials back 5 years. Mom will not get Medicaid if it shows money has been transferred or large amounts drawn out with no back up. So sister will be stuck unless she pays back the money.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I am glad to hear that your “Mom is safe, in a good environment, and her needs are being met.”  Maybe your Mom does NOT need to be moved back to the ALF that she was in previously.  Maybe this facility is appropriate for your Mom since she is safe and her needs are being met.

In regards to the supervised visits, I would suggest MEDIATION either through the LOUISIANA STATE LONG-TERM CARE OMBUDSMAN PROGRAM website:  http://goea.louisiana.gov/index.cfm?md=pagebuilder&tmp=home&pid=107&pnid=2&nid=15

Or a medication company/organization such as:
Maps Mediation Arbitration Professional Systems Inc
3850 N Causeway Blvd, Ste 400 / Two Lakeway Center / Metairie, LA 70002 Jefferson County
 (504) 831-2141
https://maps-adr.com/mediation/

The Social Service Assistant at the LTC facility that my Mom was in thought that I was doing something wrong regarding my Mom’s finances so the SS Assistant ordered that my visits with my Mom had to be supervised.  And the SS Assistant helped Mom to change her POA from me to our family attorney.  I had to hire an attorney and petition for guardianship and conservatorship of Mom.  After 4 months of meetings between the various attorneys, Mom’s Court Ordered “Attorney Ad Litem” decided that Mom did not know what she was doing when she changed her POA from me to our family attorney and thus revoked Mom’s change of POA and returned Mom’s POA to me.  After I was renamed as Mom’s POA, I had to contact the State Ombudsman to help me get my supervised visits discontinued.  It did cost approximately $12,000 in attorney fees for our family attorney, Mom's Attorney Ad Litem and for my attorney because I petitioned for guardianship and conservatorship.

Hope that these suggestions are helpful.  Glad to hear that your Mom is in a safe place and that you were found "Not Guilty" of any abuse.
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Reply to DeeAnna
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You do have a policeman as a witness that your sister gave false information to the Office Manager. He heard the Office Manager explain that there was a restraining order in force. You can show that this was not true. The Office Manager can show that she believed it to be true based on information provided by your sister.

Gosh this is such a heck of a mess, though.

I'm thinking it should be possible to make the current nursing home very very nervous about whose side they're on. If they continue to rely on information provided by your sister after it has been shown to be false, and because of it deny your mother contact with her child -

You need a lawyer.

Get your goals lined up in order. What do you want to achieve, and what are the steps you need to follow? One at a time.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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You need to report this to the Department of family and children Elder abuse hotline at call 1-800-962-2873  or file on line.
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Reply to Pabook11
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CC, the answer to the, er, helpful policeman was to grit your teeth, smile sweetly, and say "you are supposed to accompany me in order to keep the peace and enable me to go about my legitimate business without interference. Which your authority as a police officer will ensure. As advised by your District Attorney. Will Monday suit you?"
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worriedinCali May 2, 2019
You don’t ask the police officer if Monday will work for him. That’s not how it works in the US. You call when you are ready for the civil standby and the officer assigned to that jurisdiction responds. You don’t then ask him if Monday works because he can’t schedule anything. Whoever is working that area when the standby is needed, is who they send. So when she spoke to him by phone, all she had to do was explain why she needed a standby and if she was ready at that time, then they meet at the facility. If she wasn’t ready, she’d Have to call back when she is ready.
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APS is pretty much your only recourse without going to court and if you are going to court then you really should hire an attorney. Were you able to get a copy of the doctor's notes on your mother's dementia? Is the doctor willing to write a new letter stating your mother is incompetent to sign a new POA?

Unfortunately, it's probably going to come down to the doctor's statement of your mother's competence. Since the doctor started this ball rolling by writing a letter saying your mother was competent to determine where she lived, she may not be willing to write a letter of general incompetence now. APS may take some time to investigate, document, and render a decision but you will most likely get at least visiting privileges to your mother eventually.
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Reply to TNtechie
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Take deep breaths and hold tight.

The investigation that APS opened into alleged abuse on the first of April is ongoing, yes? Your counter-allegation of kidnapping will probably form part of that.

Have you been told when you can expect this investigation to report back?

When you have its conclusions, you will be in a much better position to negotiate supervised contact with your mother. When you have that, the supervisor being ideally from the APS that most recently interviewed your mother, you will be much better placed to demonstrate that your mother's previous reluctance to see you was the result of coercion.

It's a long, long process; but fix your eyes on the outcome you want.

How much confidence do you have in your lawyer? It's better to stick to one who's familiar with the history, as long as you're satisfied.

Competent to decide where you live is, of course, not equivalent to competent to understand the implications of a power of attorney. Your lawyer doesn't see grounds to challenge the validity of your sister's POA?

Have you considered and/or discussed a guardianship application?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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If your mother has any money, most of the conservator costs will be paid by her. If you are granted conservatorship, most states allow the conservator to be reimbursed from the principal's monies for the cost of obtaining the conservatorship. The guardian ad litum the court will appoint to investigate your mother's situation and interview everyone in the family will most likely be a lawyer and all his/her time will be billed and paid by your mother. The guardian ad litum will be able to access all your mother's financial and medical records as well as the APS reports. If your mother has assets that are not liquid, the court may order them sold to fund the conservatorship costs.

Winning a conservatorship petition requires: (1) proving Mom is incompetent and needs a conservator, statement from Mom's doctor is good but you can use another doctor for an assessment during the conservatorship process; and (2) that you are the best conservator choice (letters from ALF, other family members, Mom's friends, etc would be helpful to show you have taken care of her in the past), your sister's past bad deeds that you can _prove_ are also helpful.
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