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My mother is 65. Is still able to do some stuff. She is a chain smoker and alcoholic. She still drives but finally recently went to the doctor. She is supposed to go to the cardiologist but refuses. Her hands turn blue, her feet swell, she coughs non stop, as of now hasn't eaten in 2 days because she nauseous. The past month she only gets out of bed when she has too. When she went to the doctor I know she didn't tell him any of this. I really believe he told her more, she just won't tell me. I really believe it's congestive heart failure as there is a family history. She's had many symptoms for years it's just getting worse. Any advice on how to handle this? I'm not sure if she honestly believes she's fine or is to scared to do anything about it

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"scared to do anything about it".

Would you go with her? If so, tell her. Maybe she would go with someone to hold her hand?
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She is an alcoholic. You can't have her recovery for her. You aren't responsible for her happiness. She is living out the retirement she planned for herself.

It won't be safe for you to step into her mire unless you prepare with clear and strong boundaries, and the realistic understanding that she may not be able to have a medical or any other type of recovery at this point. Not saying she can't, just saying it seems less likely given the info you provided.

Have you ever attended Al-Anon? Or talked to a therapist yourself about boundaries, or about having a co-dependent relationship with her? Many on this forum have been there and done that. Please heed their advice. I wish you much clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you travel this journey.
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According to your profile, she lives in your home. You are a business owner. Does your business take you outside your home?

Does she drive to get her own alcohol?

How did she come to live with you?

What are her finances?

What happens if (when?) she needs more than a place to stay? What kind of caregiving do you do for her now?
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Your mom has probably had these addictions for her whole adult life. That said, she probably is legally sane.

Choosing to forego medical care at 85 can be a sane decision.
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