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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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She lives with me and my husband. Before hospital stay for aspiration pneumonia she was independent at night. She now calls me 4-5 times a night to help her use the commode (which is new) and refuses to walk during the day too.
This will probably never change. Her hospital stay has caused a drop in her cognition. She is now afraid to get up because she might fall or lose her way in a place that she has decided is unfamiliar (and it is, due to her drop in cognition, etc.) You can't train them, you can't lecture them, you can't make them understand that they need more outside help - because you are there and are the solution to the problem. You are now well on your way to becoming a care slave.
You can struggle and try things, but most likely they will not work and you will eventually become exhausted. You can save a lot of difficulty and misery for both of you by starting to look for an assisted living facility for mom.
I'm so very sorry and perhaps more blunt than you would like, but better to understand the trajectory so you can bypass it early and get mom into 24/7 care while you still have some of your mind left! I wish you luck in doing so.
You more than likely cannot get her "independent" again as she has lost a lot of ground being in the hospital with aspiration pneumonia. It's amazing that your mum even survived aspiration pneumonia as most people don't. My late husband barely survived it back in Nov. 2018, and when he was finally able to come home he was completely bedridden in our living room and under hospice care. You may now have to have your mum wear Depends at night so you can at least get some more sleep, and whether she wants to or not. And of course if things get too bad you may have to look into getting her placed in the appropriate nursing facility.
Did she go to rehab after the hospital stay to regain her stamina? If not, why not? She may stay this way if she doesn't get physical and occupational therapy in order to become more functional again.
Did she have any rehab after her hospitalization? My mother and father both had rehabs after their various hospital stays that Medicare covered in full for 21 days. Rehab is the norm for most elderly when they are discharged. If your mother did not have it why on earth not?
If she needs help using the commode, you might need to get overnight help in. Especially if you and your husband work.
Also, be very aware your husband might not be thrilled at this new normal and the decline that will be coming. You might need to be prepared to place her, so have a plan in place in case that needs to happen.
It is difficult without a thorough evaluation by the medical team including for dementia, to tell how much of this is from the illness, because this is quite an abnormal response. It's really time for some rehab work here. I would also be honest to tell Mom that once she lets herself get into a bedridden state she is going to end in a nursing home when you can no longer singled handedly manage her care at home (nor do you intend to TRY to do so). It's time for good evaluation by PT/OT and then tough love or realistic evaluation that this last illness has had a more profound effect than you could have imagined and in home care is likely no longer a viable option.
Pneumonia does a number on the elderly. Takes a while to get their strength back. They are good till they aren't. A hospital stay with Pneumonia can do a number on people. Ask her PCP for an order for in home Physical Therapy. The PT an evaluate Mom.
She is probably weak after the hospital stay. It doesn't take long as we age for legs to weaken from non-use. She should have been discharged to a rehab center from the hospital. Is it possible to have her admitted for short-term rehab now? Let her doctor know she needs help standing and walking after the hospital stay.
Alternatively, is there a local out-patient rehab she could go to? They will give her exercises to re-strengthen her legs, and after a few visits, this is something you can oversee and have her do at home.
Please consider getting some mobility aids for her - a walker, or a wheelchair,... whatever helps her get around.
The nighttime interruptions are difficult for everyone. Try limiting her liquid intake in the late afternoon/early evening. You can try putting a portable commode chair next to the bed to make it easier for her.
If she does nothing to re-gain her strength, she will need to learn to use a wheelchair or power scooter to get around. If she is relying on you to help her walk, this is unsafe for both of you! What if you lose balance and you both go down? If this becomes more than you can manage, you will need to look at placement in a care facility. Perhaps just telling Mom that will motivate her to try and become more independent.
Call the hospital and speak to the social worker about why she wasn’t sent to rehab. Sometimes they will speak to the elder when they are alone and the elder will say no, that they want to go home. Hospitals sometimes send patients home too soon if they are skipping rehab. You may have thought no problem for you and now see it’s more physical care than you thought it would be. Call the hospital. Then call her primary. It’s a fine line between offering the help that’s needed in the moment and enabling poor habits that will accelerate her decline.…and yours.
Your mom might be able to walk but refuse to do so on her own because she's afraid of falling. I think it would be worth spending some time and effort to find out whether this is what's going on for her.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You can struggle and try things, but most likely they will not work and you will eventually become exhausted. You can save a lot of difficulty and misery for both of you by starting to look for an assisted living facility for mom.
I'm so very sorry and perhaps more blunt than you would like, but better to understand the trajectory so you can bypass it early and get mom into 24/7 care while you still have some of your mind left! I wish you luck in doing so.
It's amazing that your mum even survived aspiration pneumonia as most people don't.
My late husband barely survived it back in Nov. 2018, and when he was finally able to come home he was completely bedridden in our living room and under hospice care.
You may now have to have your mum wear Depends at night so you can at least get some more sleep, and whether she wants to or not.
And of course if things get too bad you may have to look into getting her placed in the appropriate nursing facility.
Rehab is the norm for most elderly when they are discharged. If your mother did not have it why on earth not?
If she needs help using the commode, you might need to get overnight help in. Especially if you and your husband work.
Also, be very aware your husband might not be thrilled at this new normal and the decline that will be coming. You might need to be prepared to place her, so have a plan in place in case that needs to happen.
She should have been discharged to a rehab center from the hospital. Is it possible to have her admitted for short-term rehab now? Let her doctor know she needs help standing and walking after the hospital stay.
Alternatively, is there a local out-patient rehab she could go to? They will give her exercises to re-strengthen her legs, and after a few visits, this is something you can oversee and have her do at home.
Please consider getting some mobility aids for her - a walker, or a wheelchair,... whatever helps her get around.
The nighttime interruptions are difficult for everyone. Try limiting her liquid intake in the late afternoon/early evening. You can try putting a portable commode chair next to the bed to make it easier for her.
If she does nothing to re-gain her strength, she will need to learn to use a wheelchair or power scooter to get around. If she is relying on you to help her walk, this is unsafe for both of you! What if you lose balance and you both go down? If this becomes more than you can manage, you will need to look at placement in a care facility. Perhaps just telling Mom that will motivate her to try and become more independent.
Hospitals sometimes send patients home too soon if they are skipping rehab.
You may have thought no problem for you and now see it’s more physical care than you thought it would be. Call the hospital. Then call her primary.
It’s a fine line between offering the help that’s needed in the moment and enabling poor habits that will accelerate her decline.…and yours.
Are you being unrealistic about what is going on here?
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