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niece74 Asked July 2019
How do I get an elderly family member in a skilled nursing or assisted living facility without them being willing?
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My uncle is 74. Severe alcoholic. He lives alone in a small shed. The living conditions are horrible. He does not have a functioning bathroom. He starts drinking from the time he wakes up in the morning. He has many health issues, Previous stroke and heart attack. CHF, COPD, etc. He keeps falling and hurting himself. Trip after trip to the ER. They will keep him a couple a days until he has sobered up and give him some fluids and then send him right back home. When he is sober (which is only when he is in the hospital or has a doctor's appt.) he is clear as a bell in his mind. I have tried every avenue I know to have him placed in a nursing home but been told that if he is not willing to go there is nothing I can do. Please Help!!
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niece74 Jul 2019
I know that is reality. I just can't bring myself to do nothing. I will continue to try every option out there until something happens. Whatever that may be. Thank you so much for your feedback. I want to hear what people have to say. So, I appreciate you taking your time to respond to my question.
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Daughterof1930 Jul 2019
Your uncle is blessed that you care for him. Unfortunately, unless you want to attempt the arduous process of having him declared incompetent and becoming his guardian it’s unlikely you’ll be able to change his living situation. He’s firmly in the grip of an addiction that’s ruling his life and that’s so hard to change, he’ll either have to want change or one day conditions will force it. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it
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niece74 Jul 2019
Thank you very much for your reply. That was my next step of consideration. I have exhausted all the other avenues that I am aware of.
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AlvaDeer Jul 2019
As long as he is rational when he is sober, and doesn't have chronic dementia, this is a life choice of his, just as though he made it at any age. It isn't really within your power to do anything about it. There is absolutely nothing that you can do, and this is why most alcoholics lose their families entirely. Everyone moves away from something they cannot control and cannot bear to see. Not everything can be fixed. I think you would benefit from seeing a trained Licensed Social Worker who deals with family issues, or a psychologist for a few hours to get it set in your mind that you do not have the power, nor the magic wand to change this. It is how my MIL chose to live her life at the end, at home and with a vodka bottle ever nearby. Not something anyone can do anything about. A visit to an Al-Anon support group would be very very good and you would learn how others are handling the ravage that alcohol does to families.
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