His dementia consists of short term memory loss, repetition, cannot handle finances, nor can he drive. He is smothering me with wanting constant attention and when I have a caregiver come for a few hours he is constantly calling me to be sure I am safe. When I return he is usually intoxicated. I have tried to get him to stop but he says he is too old. So today I hid all of the alcohol and hope he doesn't go into withdrawal....or maybe I do. Then I call 911 and get a break.
You cannot allow him to form a shadowing habit where he can't be away from you for even short periods of time without the hysterics and the phone calls. From what you're saying here, it sounds like that is exactly what's happening. Do not let this happen. When the caregiver is at your house and you go out, do not take his calls. They know how to get in touch with you if they need to. Send him to adult daycare a couple days a week if you can. Also, you do not have to pay him constant attention 24/7. Ignore him when you need to. You have to preserve your mental health and sanity too.
It would probably be a good idea for you to start looking into facility placement for your husband.
The OP cannot 'dry' her husband out on her own. That's dangerous and could kill him.
Detoxing from alcohol has to be under a doctor's care in a hospital or rehab facility.
We have non-alcoholic champagne delivered to her house so she can still enjoy the bubbles.
It was a very difficult process, and she still doesn't forgive us, but at least we know she's no longer drinking!
Your mother was so far gone with dementia that you had to take her car away, deprive her of access to her own money, bank accounts, credit cards, and checks.
Do you still consider her competent enough to be living on her own though?
Or have you done the right thing and moved her into your home or an assisted living facility, or have round-the-clock or love-in caregivers at her place?
Sharon, I am so sorry you have to deal with this mess. My mother went through withdrawals in her 80s. She went into the hospital due to a seizure and of course, dad never told them she was an alcoholic. When I got there two days later, she was in full DT (Dilerium Tremens) and the staff did not recognize it for what it was. They considered it a reaction to the meds she was being given for the seizure. Once they had the right knowledge about her history, they began a different course of treatment. It was horrible watching mom go through that for a week.
Someone said that he needs to be in a hospital if you really want him to withdraw from alcohol. They are right. I don't think mom would have survived without medical supervision. While she was in the hospital, I went to their house and searched everything for bottles of booze. That's important, you don't want it to be available when he gets back -- IF he gets back home.
My dad insisted that there could be no alcohol in the house because she could not go anywhere to get it since she no longer drove. Oh yes she did get it! The hairdresser she was so attached to went to the liquor store nextdoor and bought my mom her booze. That hairdresser even had the audacity to turn up at the hospital and tried to slip my mom a miniature! Dad stopped taking her to that hairdresser. Even after your husband stops drinking, you will have to be vigilant.
If you do decide to just withhold alcohol from him (as others suggested), be prepared for him to possibly get violent with you. Make sure you have a safety net. Again, I am sorry you have to deal with this.
I wouldn't suggest him going cold turkey without the proper treatment. He would require in-patient to detox safely. He's been hit with a double whammy. Maybe, Memory Care and detox. These people have seen it all.
This also depends what started first. Was he a drinker before the Alzheimers or the Alzheimers started before the drinking?
Al-Anon is a good resource and they have Zoom meetings. You can attend in the comfort of your own home. There are also phone meetings you can join in if you need a meeting.
Remember the three C's of Al-Anon. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.
That may solve a number of problems. I was quite surprised how many problems went away when I got my wife to stop drinking caffeine.
Understand if you remove the alcohol he may die from withdrawal unless he gets medical assistance/drugs in a ER or hospital setting.
Leave the house and get a break for yourself. (daily)
At 88 it is unlikely to get someone to stop drinking.
Then, call an ambulance when he goes downhill, and don't take him back.
You deal with a demented alcoholic about the same way you deal with any alcoholic because they are all demented when drinking and they are almost always drinking.
I suggest AA. No one better to help you than Al-Anon, the families dealing with the same issues you are. They will have the best support, experience and helpful suggestions in existence.
Be brave and call 911. He needs to be evaluated by doctor. It is so hard to deal with this cruel disease of dementia.