How do I deal with Dad’s incontinence?

Is dad living in your home?
If so replace ALL his regular underwear with the disposable pull up type.
Then he will have no choice, he would either wear that or go "commando"
If he is not living with you there really is not much you can do.
When friends stop inviting him to their house for fear that he will soil furniture, when you only allow him to sit on furniture that you have disposable or washable pads on, when people will no longer take him in their car, and they won't ride in his maybe then he will get the "hint". (I do hope he is not driving though)
If he is living on his own and had dementia he should be in Memory Care. At that point he would not have an option they would make sure he has disposable, absorbent briefs on.

Welcome, GracieLou!

Your profile says that your dad has dementia. If that is the case, it may be helpful for you to think of this as "broken brain syndrome". He can't logic this out anymore.

Consider replacing all of his regular underwear with Depends or Teva disposibles.

Do you accompany him to doctor appointments? You should bring this up to the doctor.

And buy Chux pads for your furniture!

This is such a touchy subject--when my FIL was aging out, he began to be double incontinent--bowel and bladder. And while the bladder leakage was bad, it was NOTHING compared to the bowel blowouts.

He wore animal print thong style underwear--so, absolutely no 'coverage' from that. Since this was my FIL, not my father, made it impossible to talk to him. The only thing I was able to do was get him full briefs, which helped a tiny bit.

I SHOULD have pushed DH to talk to his dad about this. But I didn't. Both of them were so embarrassed--well, shoot, I was the one cleaning up!

I did refuse to take him out to eat. That was my cut-off point--him messing his pants in a restaurant and sitting there acting like it was all fine. He passed away before we could really 'fix' this problem. I know for a proud man as he was, this was awful. I do feel like we let him down, in a way.

Though, realistically? I don't think he would have worn any kind of incontinence underwear, no matter how put out it made other people.

My Mom was like this too. I guess it was pride and not wanting change. Persistence should work. She was not worried about the accidents, and most times did not even realize it had happened. The smell and moisture was not offending her. We replaced the underware as said above. I think they do not know that the new ones are very light and not bulky. Get the right size for a good and comfortable fit. Disposable liners on all furniture (or they have washable ones) and good washable underlay for the bed. The portable commode in the bedroom made for a lot less accidents. Think about your space, and how long it take to get to the bathroom, and where possible make it easier. You also need a good diaper pail for storage until they are disposed, this will smell if not the right kind of pail.

It sound like MANY people with dementia. In my case , a fastidious man has developed a nose that does not work . He can not smell himself or how his room smells . Getting him in the shower is a major issue . His brain is Broken . He has a hard time getting to the bathroom in time. I think the message that he has to go , gets short circuited . He did have the prostrate surgery he needed. And has been better than he was . It does not seem to bother him , he just changes and puts the Wet things in his hamper . . I know his pride is involved .. I do 2 full loads of laundry every third morning for him . There is a thing called Anosagnosia .. In His reality, there is NOTHING wrong with him . HE CAN NOT CHANGE if his brain is broken . There are CareTakers meeting , check into it . Knowing you are not alone, helps . It may not help BUT it will help you ..

First of all, forget he is in denial - facts are facts - and this is simply unacceptable. If he is at home, he needs a caretaker and if that is not possible, then he should be placed. This is disgusting and filthy and can lead to infections and other problems. DO NOT ALLOW HIM INTO ANYONE'S HOME OR CAR IF HE REFUSES TO COOPERATE IN KEEPING HIMSELF CLEAN.....Tell him why and what the boundaries are. Also tell him he MUST COOPERATE or he will be placed where others will "dress" him to prevent accidents. And, of course, check out if there is any medical help. If he refuses, then he has to sit in his "s***". What else can you do?

Replace his underwear with disposable underwear. He will have no choice in the matter.

There are several varies of adult diapers on the market. They range from wetting pant to full diapers. I'm not familiar with men, but my mother wore pull-up type diapers. She was so easy to care for and willing to go along with whatever I suggested. Good luck!

Understand this is a humiliating time and help him through the emotional stigma.

He surely is either not completely aware or things every problem is a one-time accident.

Aging is hard for al of us to accept and this certainly must be very emotionally painful and embarrassing.

gracielou0407: Imho, perhaps he should be seen by his urologist, who can prescribe a medication, Myrbetriq to help with his problem. It's a medication for overactive bladder. Also, it goes without saying that he should be wearing a protective pad/Depends before he damages furniture any further.