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I'm just worn out... emotionally, spiritually, physically. I posted earlier about my Dad passing last week and the hell my siblings are putting me through.


My mom (with dementia).. is really having a hard time dealing.. I have been spending nights with her, but tonight got a caregiver because last night couldn't sleep at all.. she asks me every 5 or 10 minutes where my dad is .. and lying to her doesn't work... not about my dad anyway.


My sister (who supposedly quasi made up with me... not)..is sending me ugly texts about dad's will and saying I have nothing to do with the will as POA. (I never said that I did).. I just knew something had to happen with it... but she starts out being really mean like I am fighting her on it.


My dad's will is very simple.. if he dies; mom. otherwise divide assets with 4 children. They were so anxious to get their hands on it.


All 3 of them went behind my back to the funeral home to get the death certificate.. without even asking me.


I feel like they just can't wait to sift through stuff to catch me in any mistake I may have made through the years. My brother makes it sound like being POA is such a plus.. but really it is a curse.. a huge curse.


The only reason I hold on to it so my mom won't have to suffer their idiotic decisions.


So I help my mom with dad's death.. I do all the administrative work needed, I fight off siblings at every turn.... when can I just mourn my father? I am just so exhausted.

Who is the executor of dad’s will?
Why do you say they went behind your back about the death certificate? They have a right to the death certificate. Wouldn’t you agree?
Who is mom’s POA? I assume you are.
You are correct about the POA. It is a lot of work and the only benefit is protecting mom and dad ( except for those who are thieves, makes things easier for them).
After you get rest perhaps things will seem more manageable.
All my best to you and mom. I know you both miss your dad.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to 97yroldmom
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They have the death cero. So what?
just get a certified copy from funeral home

i don’t quite understand. Is your mother with you or at the nursing home

stop taking their calls and perhaps get a lawyer to send cease and desist letters to them.
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Reply to PandabearAUS
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katie - you need to look after yourself as much as possible. You have done and are doing a stellar job. Take a break before you break. Please ignore your sibs, to the point of being rude if you have to be.

See if you can arrange for someone to be with your mum so you can have time to yourself. You are being stretched too thin.

I totally understand about the sibs. My sis was such that I worried about her digging up something too, or convincing someone that I had done something wrong. Then I realised that this worry was doing me no good, and what could sis do to me anyway? I had people who would stick up for me who knew what I had done - mother's financial advisor, the staff at her facilities, her doctors... So I quit worrying about it and so far she has not caused trouble. If she does I will deal with it then. Your sibs' behavior towards you is atrocious. Your mother is very fortunate to have you.

Please put yourself and your needs first for a little while. (((((((hugs)))))
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Reply to golden23
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Your sibs can't be so obtuse as to not KNOW that the standard will/trust goes like this: Dad dies-->everything goes to Mom. Mom passes--->whatever is left is liquidated and divided as per mom's request. Period. They may very likely be left nothing. Up to mom.

If there is nothing for them to inherit at this point, just tell them. If you have an attorney, give them her phone number and say to call the atty. Refuse to talk about it.
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Reply to Midkid58
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Katie, It sounds like your parents raised some awful children, lol!

Are your siblings hard up for money or just grasping? Do they not get that your parents' money is for your parents' care? Do you have an avuncular family lawyer you can call in to make them behave?

I think in your shoes I might feign exhaustion and tell them that they will need to plan the funeral. Hang out with mom and eat ice cream.

Do you have any sensible relatives who can take over the reins with mom for a bit?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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