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Mom's husband of 65 years and my Dad passed away a little over a month ago. Mom has dementia, macular degeneration and hearing loss. Otherwise she is fairly healthy. She has had 2 minor strokes which increased her dementia. We cared for my Dad in their home and are trying to care for Mom. We have sitters for all but 3 nights and 1 day. Mom's dementia symptoms have greatly increased over the last 2 weeks. She is obsessed with wanting to go "home" and keeps packing a bag. She of course is home. We have hidden the keys even though she has not been able to drive for several years she is now asking for the keys. She has always enjoyed doing crossword puzzles and someone has been helping her do them of late but in the last few days she can't even sit to try to do that due to her obsession that she is not home and wants to go home. She is awake during the night every 1-2 hours and every time she wakes up she "wants to go home". I feel after transition she would be better off in a Memory Care facility where they are trained to deal with her disease, they have socialization and structure. My sisters do not agree - the one night of caregiving that I do is really hard because I still work a full time stressful job.

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I'm not sure why the family members in charge sometimes just don't get it. I know it's frustrating. I might just explain to them they are not helping her by refusing to get her the level of care that she needs. And, tell them you aren't available for shift work any longer. Would your mother want to over load you with caregiving when you have your own stressful fulltime job and there is another option? I hope they will see the light and I'd also check with her doctor about mediation to help her sleep.
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It may take baby steps to get your sisters into agreement.

First you can tell them you can no longer do an over night as it is having a negative impact on your work performance. Be very clear that your ability to do your job has been impaired and that is why you can no longer stay over night. Do not say you are stopping overnights to force Mum into MC.

Ask POA sister to take Mum to the doctor to discuss her anxiety, looking for keys, wanting to go home, packing her bag, not sleeping, etc are signs of it. Send a note to the doctor ahead of time outlining your concerns.

When was Mum's last cognitive testing done?

Good luck.
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I hope you have POA. If you do, sisters opinions are just that. Do they want to take her in? Doubtful. Often, the non-caregiving family just do NOT understand what this caregiving thing is really all about. They don't usually mean to be difficult and obstinate and all that, but until you've lived it, it's very hard to understand.
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Different155 Feb 2020
My parents wanted to be fair when they did all their pre-needs so I don’t have POA! I am the Personal Representative when both are gone. One sister has POA and she “isn’t convinced”-
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Saying "I want to go home" for a dementia patient often means s/he is in need of comfort. Here is an excellent article on the subject with strategies to handle the issue from the Alzheimer's organization:

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/i-want-go-home-what-to-say-to-someone-in-dementia-care

Perhaps if you tell your sisters you can no longer do the one night of care giving for your mom then they will come to the realization that she's in need of much more care than can be given at home. At this point, she can become a real danger to herself and needs monitoring 24/7. Would your sisters prefer to wait for a crisis before coming to the realization that mom needs more care? I hope not. Consider doing some legwork yourself and check out some Memory Care homes in your area to gather info. That way, if/when they come around, you'll be ready to go with placement. What most people don't realize is that in MCs, there's lots to do and plenty of social interaction with others that is NOT available at home.

Wishing you the best of luck moving forward
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Different155 Feb 2020
Yes I have information on several Memory Care facilities and they have agreed to have a meeting with one of them - today in fact but they are all still saying they are “not convinced”. Will update later...
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