My mother age 87 has lived with me since her discharge from a chronic care facility during October 2011. She has no dementia. She has a trach and has to receive daily nebulizer treatments. I am 63 and single. I have decided not to retire as I have no freedom to travel or do the bucket list things that others have the freedom to do. It's like being responsible for a child. To make matters worse she seems oblivious to my situation. She feels I am responsible for her and she made me promise never to put her in a nursing home which I would not do at this point as it would be a death sentence. She is very fragile and susceptible to the many infections in such places. My health has been great but I now have high cholesterol and for some reason the past two days I have upper legs pain. Earlier this week when I took her to visit her son and his wife and kids out of state I was so fatigued I lay in bed for two days except to perform her care. I told my family I am depressed but they just blew it off. My roommate moved to another state two weeks ago and took her precious Yorkies. I am very attached to them. My mother said what's wrong with you as you didn't wish me Merry Christmas. Duh! I said I am sad and trying to adjust so I am not celebrating this year. I have bought her a mobile home years ago and took her on wonderful vacations. But now I am so sad because it really is all about her. I feel all alone and when I come home from work I try to be alone till time to take care of her needs. She is my mother. I care about her. It's just so sad that her life has become my life and now with my leg pain what next. I have two friends here in Maryland and they care about me but I don't unload on them. So this is very depressing. Nothing to look forward to. Any emotional support is appreciated.
I'm 63 and single and my mom lives nearby in Independent Living. You could investigate something like that for your mom, Independent Living or Assisted Living, which is NOT a nursing home. She'd be around some other people, which lessens her dependence on you for everything. I've been responsible for my mom and dad for 12 years (dad died 4 years ago and mom is going strong at 94). I left my corporate job and started a home business because I was too stressed working in an office and trying to take care of my mom and dad's needs. So I definitely know how you feel. Now I work from home, so can be very isolated. I've worked hard to make friends and get out through meetupdotcom. Check it out for meetings in your area. They have all kinds of groups and you're in a metropolitan area, so there are even more options. Get out and make some friends.
I had a cat who died at 23 and I vowed that I wouldn't have another pet until my human caregiving days are over. That was too much stress on me - sick dad and sick cat. So only get a pet if the happiness will outweigh the extra work a pet entails. Hang in there...you can find some happiness and health beyond taking care of your mom.
At 63 you have a lot to look forward to. Don't put all of it off until you are no longer caregiving. Who knows how long that will be? You need to do some of your bucket list now. Yes, it will mean making arrangements for mother's care in your absence. And while you are depressed it is really hard to take the initiative for a project like that. So please, please get medically checked out for depression.
If you and Mom used to like to travel together, could you do some traveling with her? A cruise, even a short cruise around Lake Michigan, can be very relaxing, with all meals prepared and activities you can participate in or decline at your pleasure.
Would a roommate be a good thing now? Getting yourself a pet?
But primarily get your own health conditions treated, and then start making plans for your mother's care while you take periodic breaks for yourself.
you're racking up buckets of karma points. stay strong. care for youself.