87 year old mother gave up her drivers license about 5 years ago. Our 90 year old father has continued to drive. He has been in and out of rehab for infected diabetic foot ulcers for 3 years. Doctors now say he should not put any weight on his feet but will not tell him "no driving" as he says that is a family decision. We've been trying to get him to give up driving for several years without luck. Local police say unless he's in an accident they can't remove his license. Local and State DMV says unless police issue him a ticket or he doesn't pass the eye exam, they cannot deny him a license (his license is good until he's 93 and then he says he can renew it again). Our mother has been wanting to sell the car (car title in her name only) for a couple of years. This time while he was in rehab we sold car (my sister lives near them and is POA). He still has is license, but nothing to drive. He is back in their apartment now, but MD says he must stay off his feet in a wheelchair (they have meals on wheels, visting nurse 3x wk, someone to bathe 1x wk, PT 2x wk, OT, cleaner 1x wk). We told him we sold the car, to say he was enraged is an understatement. I think it would have been easier if he had mental decline as well, but his mind is sharp as a tack and thinks he's "perfectly fine" to drive. He now wants to call and buy a car over the phone (like Carvana). How best to calm him down?
Does she believe he's an unsafe driver? If so, and dad cannot or will not admit it, I'd have him tested for cognitive issues asap. My father was 90 when he willingly gave up his car and license because he felt he was no longer a safe driver. He knew enough to admit that, thank God.
If you know dad's an unsafe driver, let him rage on. If he's capable of buying another car on his own, you can always continue to disable it so he CANNOT drive it.
Always a mess with stubborn old men and their cars. I was very lucky my father had the good sense he did.
Best of luck to you.
That being said I have seen a few posts on this forum from adult children whose parents kept going out and buying new vehicles. It's not the seller's job to not sell to them.
Why isn't your MOM telling him it was her decision to sell the car because she didn't want him to wreck his foot? Does your Dad have a PoA? If so, who is it?
I got my very resistant Mom (at 94) to stop driving by tricking her into going in for an annual exam and having her doctor write an order for a Virtual Driving Assessment through the OT department. She failed, the OT broke the news that it would have to be reported to the Dept of Public Safety and that her license would be cancelled.
If your Dad got that worked up over it (not to mention the irrationality of continuing to drive in his condition) then I propose that he is NOT "sharp as a tack" as you think. His judgment is obviously impaired and he has no empathy for his wife, his family or others on the road. Both of these are symptoms of dementia. Just because he seems to have a good memory doesn't mean he can't have dementia.
Sharp person will understand.
My hubby decades younger due to Parkinson and freezing as it common with PD gave up driving. Little sad but no drama.
Tell your Dad , “ Dad , someone in your condition , who needs an aide come to bathe you , has no business driving a car !! “
Let him be angry . It’s not your job to control his emotions . But disable any cars he buys . Hopefully he gives up soon .
Limit allowing him to engage you in discussions about driving . “ No . “ is a complete sentence and walk away. Ignore it when you can . Don’t give him hope by discussing it . He’s going to have to self process the end of driving .
Another comment that can be said is ,
“Dad , your age and condition is the reason you can not drive , that’s no one’s fault , nor can it be fixed .”