Moffie, this is a common problem. I'm not sure what the 'right' answers are. I just know that I was in sort of the same position, at least as far as my mom not wanting any help to come into the house. She couldn't wash well anymore and refused to allow me to do it. It was getting ridiculous. Finally, I arranged for an aide to come here and help her with washing. She hated it. She hated the girl, hated her coming over. I kept assuring her that this was a medical professional, I went so far as to say 'nurse', which she might as well have been, I told her that the 'doctor' ordered her to come to the house... Whatever I could think of to get her to chill when this aide came by. It didn't work well, my mom did calm some after a few visits, but not much. . My mom wouldn't miss an opportunity to call her fat or be disagreeable in other ways. I couldn't believe it...wait, yes I could... Anyway, I was pretty frustrated. She wasn't letting anyone help her or trying to be in the least cooperative, I was getting fed up with it being so hard and ridiculous, so I just made the decision for her. I told her that somebody was going to give her a bath whether she liked it or not and that I would make sure that she was safe and didn't fall, that she would be warm and have a towel to cover herself, or whatever, but SOMEBODY was going to have to help her bathe and that was just a fact of life whether she liked it or not. It took a little while for my mom to get used to the fact that I HAD to get a JOB done, and I didn't have time for her hysterics about it, at least, not after weeks of the issue remaining unresolved.. And I talked the whole time I bathed her. . She cried and carried on, and I just kept telling her how good she was being, it was fine and isn't this warm and nice?...until she finally chilled and it all just became another routine. Anyway, if things get really bad sometimes you just grit your teeth, take the bull by the horns, and make sure that things that need to get done simply get done...whether the elderly like it or not. I felt bad that the whole bath issue had to be so difficult, and I'm sorry that my mom was really upset when I literally would force her to bathe, but I felt like we just had to get through it, both of us. The elderly have that soft, paper thin skin. It's important for their health that they get washed. One way or the other. My mom actually came to really enjoy her bath time. She even asked for a bath now and again, or to have her hair washed. We got into a good routine, the same routine that took 2 hours, but mission accomplished. I think it's time for someone to step in and take the bull by the horns and just come up with a routine that your dad will get used to. Start small, at first. Get a bowl of warm water, some good smelling soap, soft wash clothes and just tell your dad you're going to wash his hands for him. Tell him that he can relax and enjoy it. Once he gets used to you doing that much, pretty soon their arms are clean, then their shoulders, then their necks...you get the picture...it gets a little easier to get them used to this help if you take it in baby steps and ease their way into that change...This whole journey is about whatever works....Your dad will have to accept that a bath, for his own good, per doctor's orders if that's what it takes, is now part of the routine and he'll just have to get used to it, just like any other change, really...
This can be tough. You don't want the elderly to be afraid and it's important that they always feel secure for everybody's sake, but there are times when they just have to be upset and deal with issues that come up for their care...
I don't think I'd wash my clothes with dad's. I'd wash dad's on really hot, with some bleach, by themselves. Same with sheets, etc. Just to be safe. I wouldn't want to contract a fungus if there was something contagious there. He probably needs to see a doc soon, too. Then the doc might be able to come up with some answers. It sounds to me like your dad might benefit from some oxygen, too. It wouldn't hurt to ask the doc about it.
Hi Moffie, The bath never an easy one-You just need to have him make a decision lay down the facts by being calm but firm. Fact 1: You have an infection that could be dangerous. Fact 2: You need to be clean and are not getting the job done. Fact 3: Either let me do it or we are getting a home health aide your choice. Fact 4: If you refuse you may not be able to live on your own and I will do everything to help you but need you to be on board with me and trust that I am doing the right thing. If this does not work call his physician and set up an appointment that you will attend and have him reiterate the facts and have a plan before you leave that he will adhere to; physicians can be a great resource to help reiterate the facts and assist with getting cooperation. The physician will also be able to write the orders for the home health aide to come out. Even though it they will only come out for a period of time you can usually get some extensions based upon the need of the patient. Hope this helps!
Start by calling the MD, get him an appointment to check out the fungus. Ask the doctor to send an aide or OT to help him shower. In the meantime get him some Desenex (or similar) anti-fungal powder for his shoes, shorts and armpits. Anyplace the skin folds put a little powder on.
Medicare will only cover him for 20 days of rehab. Make sure you talk to the discharge planner about the risks of taking him back home. If he can't beat the infection, it may be time for Hospice. So sorry.
A few more details about the person's condition might help people help you... :) Is the person afraid/refusing to shower? Can they no longer wash by themselves? Are they flipping out over sponge baths? What exactly is up?
Very generic answer .. You can start here: https://www.agingcare.com/Bathing-Hygiene and see if any of the topics relate to your situation. If none of that works, come on back and give us some of the details SA suggested.
OK--dad is 88 and has severe anemia from blood loss somewhere in his small intestine. They won't/can't go in to find it at his age. He gets transfusions when his hg is below 7.0 and iron infusions sometimes. He also had colorectal cancer 11 years ago and has a colostomy bag. At this point, he has no energy to do anything but sit in the recliner and watch tv or read the paper (sometimes). He gets out of breath just walking to the bathroom. A couple of times a week, he stands at the bathroom sink and cleans himself up some with a washcloth. He changes his bag when it needs it (or so he tells me). He also has recently developed a pretty intense bedsore at his tailbone - he sleeps in the recliner too, because he can't breathe when he lays down...and now he is in the hospital for cellulitis. He's on IV antibiotics. He has terrible fungus infections on his toenails and also I just found out he has fungal infections under his belly. So far he is refusing home health care. He and my mother live alone, but close to me. I've taken over most of their care, but he will not let me clean him up. He is perfectly happy to sit and smell bad and says he doesn't want anyone in their house. I never quite knew what that smell was, because it didn't smell like poop or pee...now I find out it's fungus. Yuck. I know these infections are dangerous at his age..and can spread to other areas and to my mother and to me. I wonder if washing his clothes with mine is a good idea? Anyway...my first obstacle is getting him to accept home health care or my care. I'm sure this is a common problem. I'm very sorry this is so long. Obviously I need some direction and anything and everything will be much appreciated. Thanks!
This can be tough. You don't want the elderly to be afraid and it's important that they always feel secure for everybody's sake, but there are times when they just have to be upset and deal with issues that come up for their care...
I don't think I'd wash my clothes with dad's. I'd wash dad's on really hot, with some bleach, by themselves. Same with sheets, etc. Just to be safe. I wouldn't want to contract a fungus if there was something contagious there. He probably needs to see a doc soon, too. Then the doc might be able to come up with some answers. It sounds to me like your dad might benefit from some oxygen, too. It wouldn't hurt to ask the doc about it.
Good luck!
If this does not work call his physician and set up an appointment that you will attend and have him reiterate the facts and have a plan before you leave that he will adhere to; physicians can be a great resource to help reiterate the facts and assist with getting cooperation. The physician will also be able to write the orders for the home health aide to come out. Even though it they will only come out for a period of time you can usually get some extensions based upon the need of the patient. Hope this helps!
He also had colorectal cancer 11 years ago and has a colostomy bag.
At this point, he has no energy to do anything but sit in the recliner and watch tv or read the paper (sometimes). He gets out of breath just walking to the bathroom. A couple of times a week, he stands at the bathroom sink and cleans himself up some with a washcloth. He changes his bag when it needs it (or so he tells me). He also has recently developed a pretty intense bedsore at his tailbone - he sleeps in the recliner too, because he can't breathe when he lays down...and now he is in the hospital for cellulitis. He's on IV antibiotics. He has terrible fungus infections on his toenails and also I just found out he has fungal infections under his belly.
So far he is refusing home health care. He and my mother live alone, but close to me. I've taken over most of their care, but he will not let me clean him up. He is perfectly happy to sit and smell bad and says he doesn't want anyone in their house. I never quite knew what that smell was, because it didn't smell like poop or pee...now I find out it's fungus. Yuck.
I know these infections are dangerous at his age..and can spread to other areas and to my mother and to me. I wonder if washing his clothes with mine is a good idea?
Anyway...my first obstacle is getting him to accept home health care or my care. I'm sure this is a common problem.
I'm very sorry this is so long. Obviously I need some direction and anything and everything will be much appreciated.
Thanks!