How do I ask mom's friends for help when I need to briefly take care of business outside the home? I don't know them well, just casually.

As to this question, I would say the simplest way is in person. Attend church with you Mom and when they come to you with "Let me know if there is anything....." then approach the subject.

However, overall I am a bit worried by your saying you have moved in to do 24/7 care, because this is only the tip of the iceberg. Can you tell us just a bit more? You age and are you retired? Do you have other family? Is there any other support in the area in so far as family? Have you left a job, and how will you support yourself? This is looking like 24/7 care for decades. Is there a plan of care and a shared living expenses that has been worked out with an attorney. Are you her POA for medical and financial and do you feel capable of that and of this 24/7 care without placement.

Sure wish you good luck ongoing.

You can ask the church receptionist (or look online at the church website) to see if they have a dedicated Care Ministry. You can request help there first, then email her friends separately to let them know you've requested help for your Mom and she'd be delighted to see them.

It is not the responsibility of your mother's friends to take up any care taking needs. If you need extra help either temporarily or long-term, you can look for volunteers from church or community senior agencies if your area has any, but volunteers may not be able to offer the kind of help you need.

You need to hire whatever outside help is needed to keep your mother safe.

You know people say... If you need anything... We truly mean that, we don't know what you need but sometimes its just a few hours sitting with them or a meal made, -- but if you say it someone will step up. One time years ago - a members husband had gone into surgery and it was suggested that someone sit with the wife while she waited during the surgery. I was only maybe late 20's and I volunteered for a shift and you know I didn't know what was needed and when someone spelled it out I felt I could do that one thing. So don't be shy about tell them at church because they are willing some just need it spelled out. blessings

My church has this exact thing going on. We have a sister in our community who had a 'bad' brain surgery that has put her in 24/7 care.

She does reside in a NH at this time, IDK if she will ever be able to live alone again--it's been 9 months and she's not a lot better.

We have a sign up sheet that goes around each week and other sisters (or couple, if both know her well enough, but it's like 90% the women who go).

We sign up for a specific time and date and the family transfers that to her 'calendar' so she knows that someone is coming to see her that day.

9 months this has been going on and likely will be much longer. Her family gets a break--and we get to minister to this sweet woman.

We also gets emails if there were not enough people signing up. But on any given week, she sees 10-12 people.

Visits are 1 hr, IDK if I could handle longer ones--so your mom will need to have people who are very comfortable with her.

So--yes, I think reaching out to people who know her is good idea. So often we say "let me know what I can do" and we never hear anything back. You'll find out quickly who is serious and who is just 'saying it'.

Good Luck with this.

ByGolly just pick up the phone and have a nice chat with each one.

Tell them that it is an awkward question for you and they are not under any obligation to help, you are just trying to create a village to help you help mom and thought her friends would be a good starting point.

It is okay to ask and whatever they each decide is okay too.

Best of luck putting the village together for you and mom!

My opinion:
There's nothing wrong with reaching out to your Mom's friends. You have to start somewhere.

The main thing is to let them know that you are not asking for favors but are willing to pay them. I have done the same thing and pay $20.00/hour even though a couple of of my sitters have said that they didn't need that much or that they wanted to do it as a ministry. That's all well and good but in the end, if you want someone to be consistently willing to help out, you need to make it worth their time. I think that's only fair, so I pay them anyway. No one has ever turned down the money. It doesn't have to be awkward either - just handle it matter-of-factly.

If anyone is interested, I would invite them over for a short while so they can see where they will be and what they will be doing. Make sure they know that if they don't feel that it would be a good fit, then no worries.

And most importantly, pray about it - ask The Lord to send the right people and He will!

An example of what I might send out:


Subject: Sitters for Mom

Hello -

As most of you may know, Mom has recently returned home after a mild stroke and I have moved in with her to provide care.

She is currently doing well and yet requires an escort when walking with her walker.

Because she cannot be left alone, I am in need of sitters who can come and stay with Mom for a few hours (whatever days and times) while I run errands and take a break for a little while.

I know that she would also enjoy spending time with you and your company will most surely do her good.

I will be paying ($00.00) per hour as compensation for your time.

If you are interested, or know of someone who may be interested, please let me know.

Thank you for your ongoing prayers and kindness on behalf of my Mom.

ByGolly22: Imho, you may want to use experienced caregivers. However, that doesn't mean that your mother's church and quilting friends could not come over to socialize with mom. Introduce yourself through phone calls.

I think an email is kind of cold and presumptuous on your part. If they come to visit or call and ask you if there is something you need, then ask if they would be willing to sit with Mom while u run errands.
Does the Church use bulletins in their services? If so, maybe a note can be placed in the bulletin asking if anyone would be willing to sit
with Mom so you can run errands. This way ur not putting her friends on the spot. Or maybe the Minister can make an announcement.

The problem you have is you chose to move in with Mom before you knew what was involved with caring for someone who is 24/7 care in their home. Too much for one person. If Mom has money, maybe hire someone a few days a week, a few hours a day, so u have time to yourself. Ask brothers if they can visit for the weekend so you can get away.

I would hire professional caregivers instead. Ask for visitors and maybe some of that will turn into actual help but I wouldn't be comfortable relying on her friends so you can do errands. This needs to be paid for out of your mom's money. You are going to burn out very quickly doing 24/7 care so some regular hours with helpers will be necessary.