Follow
Share

My mom, who has lived with me for six months, entered hospice very suddenly two weeks ago after years of weight loss, stasis ulcers, and more recently auto-immune blood problems and repeat blood transfusions. She was diagnosed as having colon cancer even though her tumors were recently biopsied and labeled benign because she is not a surgery candidate and the doctors said that her tumors likely are malignant or will become so. Her decline has been swift. She spent a weekend in the in-patient hospice facility and we were both thrown by how out of it she was on the increased pain medication. She wasn’t eating or drinking or using the bathroom, and she was having dreams and visions. I thought she was ready to pass, but then with slightly reduced pain medication, she rebounded and was cognizant, eating, even occasionally saying she was comfortable. Now, a week later, she was in excruciating pain that oxycodone and morphine at home could not control, and she has been re-admitted to the in-patient unit temporarily. I feel so jerked around by the experience. Caring for her at home since she entered hospice is a huge challenge because she can barely get up and is always in massive pain, but she won’t go to the bathroom in a pull-up, so I’ve been helping her to the bedside commode. But when she is in-patient, she is simply knocked out by the potency of the medication. I guess my question is: is this what hospice is? Should I expect her to just spend her remaining time completely passed out? And if you have experienced this, did you have any indication that the end was near? Today, I have prayed several times that she could simply go and be relieved of the pain, but even still, I wonder if it’s just a pain episode and she will be back home again soon (the in-patient facility is very quick to release). I’d love to hear other experiences. I know I can only take one day at a time, but I am a planner, and this experience is making me feel insane.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I'm confused by your description of her cancer/noncancerous tumors. Is she dying of cancer that has metastasized? If that is the case, it want my loved one knocked out and not feeling pain.

Is it possible to get your mom admitted to a Nursing Home so she has round the clock medical care?
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
jessully Sep 2018
Thank you for your answer, Barb. I was confused, too. Unfortunately, her diagnosis and prognosis were never clear, but she passed away the night I wrote this, so I guess we both knew what was coming.
(2)
Report
This is a very tough place to be as there are no easy answers, if she is in pain she needs enough medication to control it although I suppose you could ask that it is reduced somewhat to see if she regains consciousness. Remember though that Hospice is about end of life care and she was frail and failing even before the biopsy, I think you need to balance the decision to keep fighting death against the quality of the life she has and an evaluation of how much time you can realistically hope to gain.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
jessully Sep 2018
Thank you for your answer. She passed away that night.
(1)
Report
Do you know which of her problems is causing the pain? Have you and she discussed her end of life wishes? If I had pain caused by inoperable tumors, I would want to be sedated. Pain management would be the only goal.
I don't have a lot of experience with hospice but in my one experience no one could tell us when it would end. One family member stopped eating completely and took very little fluid (no Ensure. Just flavored water) and was alive for months. The night before she passed away, the hospice nurse said she saw no signs of impending death. So I think this is just something you can't plan. I'm sorry. It's really hard.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
jessully Sep 2018
Thank you for your answer. I never found out for sure what the pain was from. She passed away that night. The difficult part was that she found out so late she had cancer that she never even believed it. She was in some denial and then just in excruciating pain. It was not pretty, but at least she was well medicated for the final hours.
(6)
Report
I’m confused by the conflicting statements about the tumors being cancerous and not cancerous too. I can tell you from my experience that hospice was like a roller coast ride. There times when my MIL was stable, eating well & breathing well and we were sure she would outlive the drs prediction. It was like she rebounded. But as the end got near, as we approached 3 months on hospice (and the dr said she had 3 lmonths left when he recommended hospice), she did decline fast. She went from eating small meals to take a bite or 2 (I think just to keep us happy), she stopped having bowel movements and she lost her breath frequently. If she’s dying of cancer then I don’t think she’s just having pain episodes. Cancer is very painful especially at the end. I am sorry you & your mom are going through this.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
jessully Sep 2018
Roller coaster ride is so accurate. She passed away 3 hours after I wrote this.
(1)
Report
I've had 2 relatives pass away in Hospice from cancer. My mom had pancreatic cancer and the last couple of weeks did not eat or talk, She was on pain medication but not morphine ( the doctor had given me a prescription to use when needed, but the nurses felt like the other medication was enough. The nurse with her the final night said she did not see any changes in breathing or body fluids that would signal death was near.
My brother had bone cancer and was in a Hospice Facility for the last 2 weeks. He ate well every day and was very talkative, We worked on his computer together and got all the passwords, bills, etc. taken care of thank goodness. About 3 days before he died, he started having trouble breathing (oxygen) and was be given pain medicine and morphine on a regular basis. But he never lost touch with reality. The last day I was called about an hour before he passed and told that he had suddenly taken a turn for the worse. It happened really quickly.
Being with both of them the last few days made me realize how different it is for everyone. I kept waiting for him to stop eating and sleep more. It never happened.
I am thankful for Hospice nurses and doctors who were so good to take care of both of them since I was not there.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

I'm sorry to hear that I hope you're doing ok 💜
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Jessully, I'm sorry for your loss. I wish you comfort in your grief.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My dad was in hospice care for over 13 months. His change began July 4th when he became more agitated. He couldn’t express his pain verbally due to dementia. Hospice changed up pain meds and anti anxiety meds quite a bit in the next several days. His eating slowed down/ stopped by July 9th and he also remained in bed starting that time as well. He wasn’t drinking anything either. Hospice came daily. He was a bit verbal early in the week but as the days progressed he stopped talking as well. He passed on July 16th.
I hope this helps. Those last few days were very difficult to watch him transition.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

When HomeHospice finally accepted my DH, he was already in the process of passing. He became bedridden the same day and passed 3 days later.

You need to release your Mother - tell her gently that you understand her time is coming and it is ok that she will have to leave you. Praying is good, but telling her that it's ok to leave is better. If your Mother gets better, that's ok too.

I had to release my DH because he didn't want to leave me - but he wasn't living anymore. Towards the end, they will refuse food and only sip at liquids. They can hold your hand but have trouble speaking to you. They can still hear. Hospice has a book that tells some of what you can expect at the end. Ask about it. It helps to understand. Your mother will slip into a coma at the end but that can last 24 hours - I believe the time varies. Some people equate that with the person "lingering" for not wanting to leave you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Catgetsdown Sep 2018
I agree RayLin. When it became clear that my mom wasn’t going to recover to her previous state- which wasn’t great but at least mentally better and able to get around w help- after reading notes posted here, I told her that everyone was fine, we will be able to take good care of her disabled granddaughter, that me and my husband are happy and don’t need anything, we’re just fine. That I would take good care of her cats etc. That seemed to make her passing easier. She didn’t seem to be clinging on as frantically and relaxed more into her situation. I got a call from the hospice nurse that she was not expected to live another day and I packed my stuff and went over to be with her. I held her hand and spoke to her about all her loved ones and family as she took her last labored breaths. Sometimes, they are holding on because something is left undone or unsaid. Reassure her, say what you know she need to hear. It will help her on the journey. Take care,
Suzanne
(4)
Report
Hospice/ helpers/nurse have good idea when end is coming given illness. If you happen to be around as in like your own house they will ask do you want to be around for persons last moments. That’s a choice you have to decide. Then you’ll have to try to mental rebound and try to get your life in a condition to where you mentally and physically after.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I am so glad you posted this and I am seeing it this morning. My mother is going through something very similar and I have the strong gut feeling it is the end of her decline, also.

My mother has a chronic infection in her hip that they cannot get rid of due to cirrhosis of the liver and other issues. Her pain has been off the charts for over a year and hospice is at the point they cannot due anything else. She is on 100mc Fentanyl and 10mg OxyContin and these are not doing anything. A few weeks ago, they tried adding methadone to help with her bone-on- bone arthritis pain, but that knocked her for a loop and we had to stop it. This week, they tried morphine, but Mom said it did not do anything and it knocked her for a loop again. After both of these attempts, her pain seemed to get worse.

She will eat small meals and drink some water, but is extremely confused, even more so than a month ago. She also can barely get up to the toilet. She sleeps constantly unless someone is there to wake her.

Like you, I pray daily that her pain will be taken away. I don’t want to lose her, but it is horrible to know the pain she is in and know she knows there is no help for it.

Please know now that your mother is still with you. I have seen evidence of this since my father died years ago. She is now out of pain and in peace. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you, also, for your post.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
wi57twin Sep 2018
The last 12 days hospice did a lot of pain med changed and ended up on dilaudad the last few days.
(1)
Report
I am sad today my Mom passed on August 6, 2018. she was in Hospice at home a six month period. Mom lived with me until she transitioned at 7.01 Pm that Monday. I never placed her in a facility. At times it was challenging. however I charged on.

Mom was diagnosed with heart and Dementia about a year. She was 94 and a half. I was her primary caregiver Hospice was limited, visiting nurse every two weeks to check her vital signs. A home care helped in a bath/ mostly bed bath Three times per week I did her baths the other days. I managed her meds at all times refills came from her Doctor and Pharmacy. Pain management was some morphine and an anxiety medication. Mom was in continent so no need to take her to the bathroom, I changed her diapers frequently, turned her to prevent bed sores.
I learned to be kind and patient with her. She sometimes was in a different place. Talked about her past and she sometimes did not recognize me. I went along with whatever that day had to offer.
She was comfortable. Four days prior to transitioning I observed a change and it was really quick.
the day before her breathing was different than any other time put her on oxygen ( we had at home) called Hospice that night to check Mom. The Nurse Checked her vitals and her oxygen level was not normal kept her on oxygen.
I observed the Nurse’s demeanor. I never left her side from the Sunday night until she passed. Which was very peaceful. Thank God.

It was a gratifying experience for me to have cared for My Mother,and was fortunate to have had the opportunity to hug her many times and told her how much I loved her. Although she could not talk she squeezed my hand and puckered her lips.
I truly loved her.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I’m so sorry for your loss Jessully. She is at peace now.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Jessully: I am so sorry for your great loss. My mom passed in April. She would be on death's door then rally for about a year. It was so hard on her and hard of me. I'm just relieved her pain is gone.

May sweet memories of your mother bring you peace.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Jessully, I'm truly sorry for your loss!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Jesully I am so sorry for your loss. The final days on Hospice are so difficult. He is No longer in pain, and is at peace now! You be sure to take care of yourself during this busy time and remember that there is no rush, the pressures are off, and funeral arrangements can wait a day or two.

We had my FIL in our home on Hospice care for the final 9 weeks of his life, and also the prior 13 years as well, but during the Hospice time, to see the steady yet gradual decline was so very sad. He was bedbound the entire time, he had Lung Cancer and was so frail and weak from the prior Pneumonia, that even together, my husband and I could not lift him.

Our Hospice Team was wonderful, provided everything we needed, and we took advantage of all that they could offer us, including liquid nutrition shakes, musical therapy, bath aides, Chaplain services, massage therapy, his pain meds and of course all of the medical suppkies and equipment too.

Our 4 kids, spouses and Grandies were here frequently to see him, as well as my 3 sisters, and that was about as much physical interaction as he could manage. His other 2 kids failed to even visit, call or even send a card, so that part was very disappointing, but nothing less than I had expected of them, such selfish people.

The roughest part was trying to distinguish what was actual pain, or what was bothering him, as he was a poor communicator. In the end his agitation was what bothered him (and us) the most, as he did not understand just what was happening to him, so finding the exact combination of medication that Worked best was trial and error.

On his final day, I was quite unprepared, as I did not think the end was as imminent as it was. He developed a sudden and very high fever that morning, and while I was on the phone to Hospice, in that minute I stepped out of the room, he passed away. I kept hospice on the phone with me as I pronounced him dead, I was so scared!

Our Nurse arrived shortly, and took care of all of the necessary arrangements, and then he was gone from our lives, after so many years of him a part of our household, the transition felt unreal for several days.

It is strange that all of our stories are so different, yet so simular.

We have now lost all 4 of our parents and now We are the Elders, and that is kind of strange to wrap our heads around as well! All 4 of our parents had difficult end of Life journeys, but I am glad to say that I did my best to help them all, til the end.
God Bless all Caregivers!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I’m sorry for what you are going through. I too knew little about hospice when I agreed to it for mom (suffered from congestive heart failure and stroke-related memory issues) as she wouldn’t take her meds, go to the doctor, bathe, etc., so when kaiser advised that hospice would send a nurse, social worker and bathe aid to the house, I thought it was the answer! It was fine at first but then hospice suggested that mom be weaned off her prescriptions as they were “probably causing gastrointestinal issues due to her low body weight,” and suggested giving her low doses of morphine instead for pain and discomfort when her legs and lungs filled up with fluid! I insisted she go back on lasix and the nurse wrapped her legs in an attempt to reduce the swelling. A few days later mom fell in the bathroom in the middle of the night and was bedridden after that. I had to hire round the clock care and watched in horror while hospice comforted her death with their many pain meds. That was just my experience with hospice. Others may have better experiences.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
IhearU Sep 2018
My mother has been living with me since 2006. My husband died in 2015, Christmas Day. Mama fell last Dec. 16th and sat on the floor for a few hours before I woke up and found her. She fell again the following night. At that point she couldn't even move her legs, let alone get out of bed. I moved her from her room to mine, then to the living room so I would know when she needed me. I never left her alone. I would feed her, change her, take care of her cats and make sure her "cowboys" were on TV. I found her a couple weeks later on the floor again, having fallen out of bed. I called ambulance and she spent 3 days in the hospital. She had to be brought home in an ambulance because she could not bend at the waist. After a few more weeks it became harder and harder to keep her bed dry and her clean. Since she could not sit up at all, I began feeding her. She ate well and loved toast. One day I said to her that she was just going to die on me. She replied, "do I look like someone who is dying? I'm watching my cowboy shows, your fixing me food and I eat it. I am not sick, I just can't walk until my legs get better." I called Hospice at the end of February 2018. They came and assessed her and started sending nurses and home care helpers and provided diapers and finally a catheter. Oh, and a hospital bed which is what I needed to help in changing her and the bed since hers was so low. They also showed me how to give her a bath and wash her hair with her flat on her back. After they started her on pain and agitation medication, she became whacko. Finally it got to where I could no longer understand her. I would feed her and hug her and tell her how much I loved her and I never gave her medicine as often as Hospice nurses said to because she seemed to be more agitated by it. She even mentioned one time that they were killing her. On March 9th a nurse came by and checked on both of us and asked me if I was okay with her passing here with me. I still had not gotten over my husband dying in our bed after minor surgery so I was not sure but asked why she asked this now. It was hard on me taking care of mama, I am an old lady too. (67 yrs old) I thought they would take care of her awhile and I would visit until she could at least stand and get to the bathroom. But she told me that she thought death was imminent and called Hospice to see if they had a room for her if brought in. It took over an hour for me to decide to let them take her at 4:15 PM and I planned to go see her around dinner time. They called at 5:30 PM and said she had had a shower and was resting comfortably. "A shower?" She couldn't even sit up. Anyway, I tried to visit around 7:00 PM but could not find anywhere to park so decided to go when most people left. I could go anytime so was planning on around midnight. Well, they called again at 11:01 PM and told me she passed at 10:55 PM. "What?" My thought? They killed her. They OD'd her and killed her just like she thought they would. I do believe if I had kept her home she would still be alive. There was nothing wrong with her healthwise. She had fallen and hurt her legs and couldn't walk. They kept telling me she was declining and dementia was worsening....but she never had dementia and the only reason it appeared she did and that she was getting worse was all the medication they were having me give her. No one needs to be overmedicated like that and I was only giving her half of what they said to give her. Mama was 89 and I realize they don't expect them to live forever nor do they want them to, but I did. I don't know, losing a loved one is always painful, no matter how they go. You are never ready for it. I miss my mama and I miss my husband of 39 years and I always will. Hope God grants us all the strength to live well until we go home some day.
(1)
Report
I was traveling the day before my father died, and when I arrived back in town that evening, there was a hospice nurse in the nursing home room. She said his blood pressure was going down (I think it was something like 60/40) and his skin was getting grayish. He had been sleeping a lot during recent weeks, so I don't know if he was asleep or comatose, or at some intermediate stage. He lasted until the following afternoon, ca. 3 PM.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I went through this with my dad. When he entered the hospice, they gave me a little book that helped me know the signs. I now see it's available on Amazon. Called 'Gone From My Sight' by Barbara Karnes. It tells you all the signs to look for - when the person is 3 months away, 3 weeks away, 3 days away, etc. It helped me so much. Many dying people rally right before the end. I know from friends' experiences, and my own. Towards the end, Dad's feet turned purple. He began groping at the bedcovers, started having conversations with friends and relatives who have passed. Had lucid moments, too. When he rallied (I knew it was the end, my mom didn't read the book - she was in denial) they told my mom to start looking for a homecare nurse. I knew he wasn't going home. I was right. He passed two days later. I was okay with it because I was prepared for it. I knew the signs. 'Gone From My Sight' was a Godsend! You should get it. Good Luck to you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
shifting Sep 2018
Thank you for your post Andibeth. My mother died in Hospice in-patient care last year (August 2017) and just before I authorized in-patient care at Hospice Center as I could not adequately give her the care she needed, she called out to both myself and my husband as her Father and Mother and she used the formal words Father and Mother. I knew she was taking us as her actual deceased parents, yet it has plagued me ever since, wondering if we could have done more for her in her home than having to ask Hospice Workers to take her to in-patient Hospice Care. Yes, she was more highly medicated there than at home, and out of it most of the time, 2 days in-patient and she passed. Because she had already confused us with her parents, I thought she may be seeing herself as child state, we know she attended Episcopal Church locally with her parents, so we gave her rendition of Lord's Prayer, as we have heard it in the Church. As my husband began reciting 23rd Psalm, The Lord is My Shepherd, my mother opened her eyes, they were glazed, and she left us. My husband believes she heard us, and was taking a last look. I would like to believe that is true, yet I am unsure if it was her passing moment that caused her to open her eyes. Immediately after she passed, hymn of 'Be Still My Soul' was being played on piano in another room.
(4)
Report
I’m so sorry for your loss Jessully.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I do not knowyour moher age. There is always a guilty thing about caring for your mother. Ihad that experience for fiveyears with my mother. The end result is nobody knows how to treat a terminally ill patient as it is your case.Just follow the bliss there is no other way
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

hi there
i am a medical resident & understand natural medicine reasonably well
i have a Grandpa i love very much who is a difficult person. . I am doing my best to take care of him
He has been doing much better lately, after applying/eating/doing some of the items i will list on the bottom of this tome..message:)
And i have been working in a cancer unit so have some understanding of what you are experiencing
Have them run IRON & B12 BLOOD TESTS..insist.
Its very very common in the elderly.
And you her symptoms you mentioned fit the anemia picture.
And give her a bowl of stewed prunes at night to get that bowel moving...or request the staff.
Wish I was closer to be of more assistance:)
However, "Knowledge IS Power".
I will leave you some information you will find of help:

a. Colon Cancer. You didn't specify what 'tumors' where found. However, most colorectal polyps do not become cancerous.Although colon & rectal cancers often start from polyps, the process is a very slow one. And polyps are removed during colonoscopies. Therefore making an offhanded 'oh she'll get cancer 'statement is arrogant at best..
We all must die...its the suffering we want to minimize or even better avoid

b. Side Effects
"For every beneficial central effect, they are Always side effects' for every medication a person is taking.
Every medication uses particular nutrients in the body
often medications are taken together that should not be. Do ask your pharmacist to check the list of meds your Mother is taking & make sure none are contraindicated. (i.e. should not be taken together)
With all due respect, I suggest that most (if not almost all) of her suffering is due to the medications she is being prescribed.
Toxic psychosis (Narcotics are the #1 Offender in this category)
you mentioned your Mother is taking multiple meds. The reaction of the body to these toxins in the body is known as toxic psychosis
There is a long list of meds that cause these 'psychotic like ' behaviors.
They differ from mental illness in that once the meds are stopped the problems stop
Im not suggesting you stop any medications...just that you are aware of the cause of problems..And ensure that you Mother is taking the abserlout minimum doses of any meds
a psychosis...confusion, irrational thoughts & behavior, aggression, hallucinations
C. Dehydration
The majority of people in care are dehydrated. Even though most patients have an iv line that provides fluids...i would suggest that you take a bottle of Distilled water with you at every visit and make sure your Mother drinks as much as possible
C1. Google Dr Bernard Jensen Potassium Broth. Its very simple to make & take
some for your Mother...& drink plenty yourself. Its very rich in mineral..potassium in particular that is in short supply & difficult to absorb when we are sick I have seen even the sickest patients get color back & the heaviness lift from them after a cup of this simple broth that costs pennies
I add "Goats Whey Powder" 2Tblps per cup (NOT cows, goats..Mt Capra is a good brand..Avail on Amazon
The fluids mentioned are Essential! The body is 98% water...if the water is not right..the body won't be. And the symptoms of dehydration are the Same as the symptoms of dementia...For most physicians...very difficult to tell the difference!!
My Grandfather was on 4 or 5 meds
Over a period of a year we slowly but surely replaced them with natural herbs etc
It has been a long & very difficult time. However, he now is pain free most days & nights. I am listing below the things we gave him for pain, & to increase his strength & wellbeing. He's 83 years old this year. We used to call Kaiser "his second home". Now he goes rarely.
Im sure your Mother can be much more comfortable & not pass over in state of calm if you are willing to keep learning & apply the knowledge to her and to yourself
Take care of yourself. You an important person in the scheme of Life :)
For Pain
Internally
Tumeric P
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Heather10 Sep 2018
Excellent post Sunshine.

I did the same for my Grandfather. He lived comfortably into his late 90s and lived four more years after being removed from hospice, where he was given a few weeks to live, using similar methods.

I have been advocating natural alternatives to 'script pain meds for quite a while here. As well as checking all medications and keeping only those absolutely necessary.

Thank you for your excellent well-informed input.
(0)
Report
Took care of my father till the end at home with the help of hospice. I could not have done it without them. I had never been through anything like that before and had no idea what to expect. They have a book about the last moments of life and I did not take time to read it which I should have, it helped. My Dad ended up in bed to never get up again. He went through the anxiety attacks and tried to get up which made his leg go totally cold and I exercised it till the blood flow came back. Hospice had a medicine pack we put in the fridge and it helped. I did not have to keep him drugged up. I helped give him baths and I changed his diaper and cleaned him up all the time. He quit eating and drinking. It was hard but I got through it. The very end with the gasping breaths really scared me cause I had my hand on his forehead when he took his first one. I know now things I should have done different to make it easier for him so now I'm am with my mother that has dementia and taking care of her. Best of luck and God be with you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

jessully:
( You wrote: "but then with slightly reduced pain medication, she rebounded and was cognizant, eating, even occasionally saying she was comfortable. Now, a week later, she was in excruciating pain that oxycodone and morphine at home could not control," )

Jessully:

The problem with oxycodone and morphine is there are painful withdrawal symptoms once the potent dosage is reduced.

It's often difficult then at that point to separate the pain of disease from the pain of drug withdrawal.

Please read Sunshinelife's post again and then read it over again. It is an excellent post.

There are natural alternatives to pain meds. They do not have the nasty side effects. Just have a nutritionist or wholistic doctor ensure there are no contraindications to any meds she must take, when the meds are reviewed
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
disgustedtoo Sep 2018
I already know narcotics won't help me (I currently take no meds, and hope to keep it that way!) After cervical spinal surgery, I couldn't sleep (didn't occur to me at the time - you've been under anesthesia for hours, probably not tired!). Had they told me I could take those stupid leg things off and walk about I would have done that instead! So I asked for something to help me sleep, though I had never had any sleep aid before. AFTER she shoots me up with morphine, THEN she tells me what it was! I was horrified! I am NOT in pain you idiot!!! So, what did it do for me? I slept about 15 minutes and it felt like 1/2 an hour. No more of THAT for me!!! After going home, I took what I thought was half of the medication - turned out it was really 1/4, but again I did not need pain meds. The disc removal took away the pain I suffered with for over 5 years!!! (and no, I am not a martyr - every doc I went to told me that was not the cause of my pain. Idiots.)

As for the post from Sunshinelife, the only thing I can attest to is to beware of potassium levels. Dehydration can lead to low levels, which can cause befuddlement and confusion. In mom's case, she was drinking too MANY fluids, which washes out electrolytes, which lead to potassium levels being too low (think also vomiting and diarrhea - leads to the same issues.) After getting rehydrated/replacement of lost electrolytes in the hospital, especially the potassium, she was back to her grumpy old nasty self!
(0)
Report
There is a good booklet you can order online called "Gone From My Site." It is by Barbara Karnes. It cost $3.00. This book explains the dying process and what happens to a person as they are dying. It tells you what you can expect One to Three Months prior to death, One to Two Weeks prior to death, Days or Hours and Minutes prior to death.

I send my clients this booklet to help prepare them for what they may experience.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

jessully - so sorry for what you and your mother had to go through and also the loss of your mother. Remember the good times with your mom and try to let these horrible memories go.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

So sorry for what you and your family are going through. My mom was on hospice and required 24/7 supervision from my family. Her illness caused things to get really extreme for her, I’ll save you the details...but we had her home on hospice for almost 1 month. For the first two weeks it was honestly so strange. She was so normal and would even ask the nurses if they were sure she was dying because she thought they were wrong. It was heartbreaking. To answer your question, there was one thing that I remember as the real turning point. It was when she was no longer herself. She became so angry. She looked at me with hatred and screamed for someone to help her because she was afraid of us. Cussed at me, fought us even. She called to her mom and other family that has passed away. When that started hospice told us it was close. She passed less than a week later.

Stay close to your family and tell her you love her every moment you can. I’ve gone back and forth as to whether or not I believe it to be a blessing to be there with a loved one as they go through the dying process or whether it’s torture. I suppose it’s both. Say what you want to say now. I promise you won’t regret it. Hugs.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I saw patients do some very similar things during my care of hospice patients. I saw them "playing with angels" as we worded it. The patient would reach above their heads while lying on their backs and seem to be interacting with something in the air above them. I would hear patients talk about/to a particular family member only to find out that the family member had passed years earlier. I found it would often be a parent or sibling they seemed to converse with most often. I have heard patients speak of being able to smell their Mother's cornbread. I noticed that if a patient had an estranged relationship with a loved one, they would often hang on what appeared to be a long time, only to pass away within minutes of seeing that loved one and making amends. I know most all nurses recognize the breathing pattern referred to as the "death rattle", and other clinical signs that death is near, but to see the individualized same behavior in the greatest part of my patients is phenomenal. I have hospice to thank for reinforcing my faith in God and that we do see people again. Wishes, Sherry Reynolds RN
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter