How can I stop dad from calling son stupid, etc?

Since your son is 60 it would probably be good for him to deal with it. If my mother called me stupid (I'm almost 64) I would tell her I had inherited it from her side of the family.

Cathy I'm in the UK where we have a few sites to choose from, and I can say hand-on-heart that I haven't found a better one than AgingCare. The individuals here are amazingly knowledgeable and supportive, and - perhaps because it is an American site? - the attitude is refreshingly positive. There are quite a few chaps contributing: you might like to suggest to the son that he logs on and has a look round. Or, you could try searching for topics you think might be relevant and show him the discussions.

It depends how you think he might feel about opening up about things. It can be difficult and painful to acknowledge that there is a problem in the first place - does he, do you think?

"yep, I;m stupid, and I learned all about being a man from you"...

What are the dad's impairments? Does he have dementia? Personality disorder? Is this a recent change in his mental status ( which might signal a uti, stroke or some other physical event)? What was his relationship like with the son prior to caregiving? Is he randomly calling the son stupid, or only in regard to certain tasks?

It's good of you to be raising the point. Are you the sort of friend who can invite the son to discuss how he's coping? I think supporting him, rather than hoping to tackle the father's behaviour, is probably more likely to be successful. If the father's abusiveness (and it is abuse) is getting more extreme and is related to any kind of mental decline it would be very difficult for you to work on it directly.

Could you tell us a little more please? The easiest way would probably just to tell him to stop and if he won't, then don't bring your son around. How old are they? What brings the name calling about?

Or is the son your brother? and the dad his father? I am having a hard time getting the years and words to line up.

The son might benefit from talking to a therapist or counselor.

thank you so very much

A visit from APS Adult Protection Services might be the thing the son (caregiver) needs.... Sometimes a little accountability for our actions goes a Long Way.