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"yep, I;m stupid, and I learned all about being a man from you"...
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I agree with LivingSouth. If son is willing and this is hurting him, I would suggest that he stop caregiving and let the name caller fend for himself.
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I think the son should go on a nice trip and let Dad fend for himself for a while - might get a little more gratitude and respect.
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Im' sorry, I misread this--The Dad is the perpetrator! Yikes.... Even so,
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A visit from APS Adult Protection Services might be the thing the son (caregiver) needs.... Sometimes a little accountability for our actions goes a Long Way.
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Get you and them together and have a discussion about the issue, get all to agree to stop it and then have the remind his dad as one post said here, "I got it from you" Stop being offended and make light of it knowing this is just your elderly father who could be acting out his fear of being elderly and nearing his end of life. Hope this helps. God bless you for your care. If this doesn't stop or you can't/won't put up with this then let him know you won't help him any more.
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thank you so very much
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Cathy I'm in the UK where we have a few sites to choose from, and I can say hand-on-heart that I haven't found a better one than AgingCare. The individuals here are amazingly knowledgeable and supportive, and - perhaps because it is an American site? - the attitude is refreshingly positive. There are quite a few chaps contributing: you might like to suggest to the son that he logs on and has a look round. Or, you could try searching for topics you think might be relevant and show him the discussions.

It depends how you think he might feel about opening up about things. It can be difficult and painful to acknowledge that there is a problem in the first place - does he, do you think?
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The son might benefit from talking to a therapist or counselor.
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thank you so much for your thoughtful answer. your points are well taken. i will focus on supporting the son. are there any other good caregiver websites.
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It's good of you to be raising the point. Are you the sort of friend who can invite the son to discuss how he's coping? I think supporting him, rather than hoping to tackle the father's behaviour, is probably more likely to be successful. If the father's abusiveness (and it is abuse) is getting more extreme and is related to any kind of mental decline it would be very difficult for you to work on it directly.
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yes as a friend observing i am anxious. i guess the dad has always treated his son this way but it is getting worse. mostly lots of name calling.
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I think it might not be the OP's dad? - just any situation where an elderly man is intolerably rude to his grown caregiver son.

What does the son think? Are you anxious about signs of emotional wear and tear in him?
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Or is the son your brother? and the dad his father? I am having a hard time getting the years and words to line up.
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What are the dad's impairments? Does he have dementia? Personality disorder? Is this a recent change in his mental status ( which might signal a uti, stroke or some other physical event)? What was his relationship like with the son prior to caregiving? Is he randomly calling the son stupid, or only in regard to certain tasks?
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The father must be his own father. Is this your ex-husband?
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Since your son is 60 it would probably be good for him to deal with it. If my mother called me stupid (I'm almost 64) I would tell her I had inherited it from her side of the family.
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Has he always called him names? How much help does dad need?
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the son caregives and lives with the dad. son is being called names and wont stop. any suggestions would help lots. thank you so much. son is 60 and dad is 85.
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Oops sorry Mom is 93.. Same comment though..
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Your info states you are caring for Mom 96 and Mom 70?

So I assume your Dad doesn't need care.. If your Mom is in her 90's then again I assume your son is an adult and should just avoid him...
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Could you tell us a little more please? The easiest way would probably just to tell him to stop and if he won't, then don't bring your son around. How old are they? What brings the name calling about?
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