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Siblings are causing problems for the POA. They are trying to override the POA when it comes to performing the duties designated in the POA. The POA named in documents are Durable Health Care POA and General POA. The siblings have caused a loved one to get removed from a facility and also caused that same loved one to get refused by a facility from being able to be admitted to a facility. What can the POA do to stop those that will not/refuse to accept the POA and the decisions the POA makes for the loved one. How can the POA get emails or documents sent to facilities by those trying to cause such problems. The stress is over-bearing for the POA.

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This is worth the expenditure of a visit with an estate planning or elder law attorney, which would include a discussion of a restraining order.    The attorney could first notify the siblings (via certified mail, return receipt requested) of their unlawful interference with the proxy's (individual named in a DPOA or POA) authority, and that these actions have repercussions.

That would include interference with proper medical care, unauthorized use of funds (if that's occurring), but emphasis could be on the interference, and potential medical and/or legal consequences if it continues.   It should also be stated that the meddling individuals have NO legal authority, and would be held liable for any actions or negative issues arising from the interference.  Hinting at blame for medical repercussions could help get the message across.

In the meantime, the attorney should notify the involved facilities that contact should only be with the designated proxy; a copy of the POA documents would be sent to verify that authority.

If the meddling continues, the attorney could apply for a restraining order for the proxy, preventing the meddlers from any contact at all with the elder person, as well as restraining the meddlers from involvement at any level.

This is harsh, but sometimes people just don't get the message.
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alisgrannie May 2021
Thank you. I have tried to contact elderlaw attorneys & each one says the don’t get involved in family disputes. Something has got to be done as their actions now have gotten my mom thrown out of one facility & another rescinded their bed offer due to an email my sister sent to that facility. I’ve asked to see that email & got basically the same reply from them as the attorney, we don’t want to get involved in a family dispute so we are refusing to send you that email. I feel there must be something in that email that could possibly be defamation of character but can’t prove it. I do know my sisters have lied about things even said mom doesn’t want to go to the best facility which she has never said-that director did tell me that. In fact I can prove it. What else that may be in the email, I have no idea. I was told by an attorney to send this particular facility that rescinded the bed my POA documents & a HIPAA form requesting all the info they have but have yet to get a response. Basically my sisters have now gotten my mom thrown out of 2 facilities & the only one that will take her is about 32+ miles from me and takes about 40-45 minutes to get to it & could take longer in rush hours. With me being the POA it breaks my heart to know as of yet they refuse to stop harassing me or listening to me when I say no or this is the way things are going to be. Truthfully my mom will suffer as this new facility has no doctor and only 1 RN on 1st shift 8 hrs a day for the entire place then on call if needed & med techs on shifts with a resident assistant on 2nd & 3rd shifts. The facility I wanted & that rescinded the bed has a doctor on staff & on call 24/7-365; RN’s 24/7-365 as well as LPNs and CNA’s 24/7-365. It is 18 miles from me and takes about 20 to 22 minutes to get to. At this “new” current faculty they have all kind of charges-extra fees for every time someone enters her room, brings a plate of food-meal in a divided styrofoam plate with no tray & such; I have to supply every medical supply as well as personal items while the one that rescinded mom is all inclusive and has a flat fee. She could stay at the facility I wanted her at 6 months over the only one that accepted her & that cost would be for a 4 month stay. I have to supply all medical supplies & personal items. I pointed out the facility I wanted mom at is a 5star facility with the health dept & Medicare and ranks 4th in the entire state & has not had a single COVID case whatsoever while the other has had deaths and quite a few cases is about 3stars. My sisters ignore everything I said about moving her possessions and moved her furniture & all her items from the facility she was at ignoring me as to the time we would met to transfer furniture & such as well as mom. Mom’s items were taken out of the one that discharged her without my knowledge & they took her items to the now only facility that offered her a bed. Items are missing & I’ve asked where were they & get “oh, I’ve got them & they refuse to give those to me. The day of the move my mom cried and begged me to take her with me but the dr says she needs 24/7 care to be available due to her health issues and dementia. It breaks my heart to know how they have done; thus far have gotten away with it...I’ve even told them what the POA says-gave them a copy even & they tell me we are mom’s children as well & have a right to be part of the decision making. I continue to remind them they aren’t a part of the legal document nor does it say I have to include or tell them anything regarding mom. I have the Durable Power of Attorney, Financial POA & Health care directive & such. They refuse to respect mom’s wishes in every circumstance. I don’t know what to do nor have I yet found an attorney that will assist me in letting them know they are not abiding by a legal document. No one wants to get involved & it makes me so sick and upset-mom will suffer in the end with lack of care & financially.
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Ask an elder law attorney to send sibs a case and desist letter. Don't get into specifics of the squabbles, only what sibs have done that is not their responsibility since they are not POA and not in mom's best interest. Make it about mom.I

Has mom's doc declared her incompetent? If not, then mom can do as she pleases with whom she pleases.
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alisgrannie May 2021
She has been declared imcompetent....
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Apparently the POA doesn't understand the authority that the POA gives. The POA must present the documents to the facilities and inform them that only she/he can make financial and healthcare decisions for your mom. Read the HCPOA. It should state that the POA is authorized to discharge her from a facility. Others do not legally have that authority. Those documents mean something, they are not just papers to be carried around and held only by the agent. The POA must take charge of the situation.
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alisgrannie May 2021
The facility has the POA as do siblings - the siblings have even told them I was POA that’s as far as their acknowledgment goes. Everyones ignores what’s on the documents. No matter what I say or show them, it seems I’m invisible to everyone. I know how serious these are and what they say and have told them all they need to read them— they all have copies but I suppose they’ve taken the typing off the paper.
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When the person goes into care at a LTC facility that facility should have a copy of the POA. That makes clear, if the document is well drawn, who is in charge IF the person involved is not competent to make his or her own decisions.
Where you will come into problems is when the elder him or herself is able to make decisions. If the elder is competent, and expresses a wish to leave the facility, then they may do so with the assistance of anyone they choose, including the siblings.
Have you spoken with the siblings?
If this continues, then you may want to get guardianship. As POA, IF the individual is no long competent, the estate pays for you to pursue guardianship. Guardianship or conservatorship will make VERY CLEAR who is in charge.
Again, if an incompetent elder is in LTC you need to be certain that the LTC facility has copies of documents.
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Alisgrannie, since your sister's are obviously pulling these stunts to be malicious, it is time for you to pursue guardianship.

Contact the BAR association and request a list of licensed attorneys that handle guardianship.

I wouldn't go into all the drama, I would tell them that you need to be able to protect your mom and the facilities are NOT honoring your authority as DPOA and it is endangering your mom's wellbeing. I would also file complaints against these facilities for not honoring the legal document and allowing others to risk moms welfare. Because having both DHCPOA and DPOA gives you the authority to say those sisters can not speak with the facility or mom.

I know in AZ you can admit someone anonymously, meaning that nobody can call and find out if they are there. I would do that to keep them from harrassment of future facilities.

As far as the desired facility that "changed" their minds. I would think that you dodged a bullet. If they are this flippant about communication, what would happen when she was in their care and you had issues or questions?

Have you checked into board and care facilities that might be closer to you?

I know how stressful this is, it comes through your words like a flash flood. Please, for your sake, breathe and calm down before speaking with anyone else. Nobody wants to deal with someone that comes across as hysterical. I am not saying you are. You just come across as being so and that works against you. You must be the voice of reason, even if you scream and cry after any contact you must come across as the coolest cucumber in the room while you are dealing with people to get this dealt with.

My prayers are with you that you find a good attorney and a facility that meets your mom's care needs and makes her feel at home.
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Did your sister's choose a facility that was closer for them to visit?

Are they visiting mom regularly?

Is she getting more visitors in this new facility?

If you are concerned that they are only doing this to make you miserable and not so they have easier access to mom, then it is time to go for guardianship and then you truly have the power to shut them down. Because I think that something is missing in your POA for them to be able to do what they have done. Every facility that my dad was in, I had ALL the authority as the POA and I could cut contact with anyone at any time, if that contact endangered my dad I would not have hesitated. Just because I didn't get on with the person(s) didn't make any difference, because I was obligated to act as he would have for himself when he was of a sound mind.

I would recommend that you do everything you can to find a way to work together for the benefit of your mom. It sounds like a pizzing match from what you describe and no court is going to be happy with a family using a vulnerable senior as a pawn to be in power. Yes, you have the legal authority (if granted in your POAs) and you do not have to share anything with anyone, unless it is something that your mom always did and it is in her best interest. You are supposed to act as they would if they were able to in their right mind.

Put it in writing that you want to work out the best situation for mom and all of her children, because at the end of the day, your mom's wellbeing, not her financial situation, is what matters.

You really need to worry about what is best for your mom, even if it causes you a bit of time. Especially if it means that she is getting more visits by being at a different location. I personally think that the "reviews" are misleading and do not always translate into better care. So that doesn't impress me that the facility you want is 5 star.

Please try to work for your mom's wellbeing and let go of the power struggle. If they are harming her then the courts will decide what is in her best interest.
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alisgrannie May 2021
No one lives in the city my mom is at now—they didn’t visit mom at the 1st facility hardly ever or on a regular basis nor did they visit with her prior to dementia much before going to the assisted living home. I was with mom everyday at the facility before covid then during covid about every 2/3 days at her window to talk with her on my cell phone. I took care of her prior to dementia as she was a diabetic, and had several health issues. I was with her everyday prior to going to facility due to her age and health needs—she is now 95. I cooked her meals and made sure she ate, did her laundry, took to dr appts, took care of meds, took on trips, brought her to my house if weather was bad and in case power went out so she would still be warm as I am on the hospital grid and if power goes out, it’s back on in about 10-20 minutes, take her out to eat, basically did everything by myself. I do live closer to the facility she’s in now but the one she was in was 5 miles from me. One sister lives in another state and the other lives further away than I do. My sisters were always on to the staff and causing problems for that facility and even reported them to health Dept. I was told by that facility they had had enough..they were not able to satisfy my sister’s any longer or able to needs moms needs the way they wanted them met. They got tired of their mess. They even disrupted other residents and families that were at the facility. They wouldn’t take her dr while at that facility nor before going to facility and one never really came to the hospital when she was taken to ER...the other only came for a limited time and would leave. I was there every time and stayed until released to go back to the facility or home prior to the facility. They told me that mom wasn’t going to control their life and if I let her that was me. I didn’t feel she was controlling my life...I just wanted mom taken care of properly then and still do and have always felt that way... Even with dementia mom ask me where are my sisters. Out of 5 days being at this new place, I’ve been there 3 days...I call her if I don’t go then sometimes even if I do go I’ll talk with her during the day. With me working, the distance away now and now gas, I won’t be able to get there everyday like I’d like to do. I still do her laundry, get meds, take to doctors, pay her bills- done this for over 20 years basically as my dad’s been dead 20 years. I still get supplies she needs even tho she’s at facilities. I helped my mom with dad when he was sick...I’m an accountant and she said since I’d taken care of her and her financial needs all these years and this was what I did for a living, she said I had the knowledge to do the same thing for her even when she couldn’t do for for self... I was outside the door in a waiting area and heard her tell the attorney my sisters were not the for her at that time and had nothing to do with her or came around now when she was doing her legal documents so she didn’t want them doing it when and if she got to where she couldn’t herself. She hardly had visitors before going to facility nor the one she was at and with this one being further for her brothers and sisters now, I doubt they will every visit as it’s in a very busy area of town and they don’t drive much at all and haven’t for a while. They live further away from her than I do.
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