How can I keep my father busy? My mom passed last month and our lives were mainly focused on caring for her, especially his.

Perhaps maintain some, some, of the routines you two were in while your mother was still alive: times of meals, tidying up the living areas, going through familiar motions despite the fact the household has changed dramatically. This might help until your father has fully processed the inevitable change, the absence of his wife, his life companion. An abrupt change in routine is so jarring when the death itself is so jarring even when everyone knew the inevitable outcome: you're never really 'ready'. If you need to 'switch gears' already, maybe give your father a 'to do' list that can help him re-focus his energy. Don't expect him to jump into 'outside' activities until he's ready for 'something new' while the fact of this profound change in the dynamics of the household are still fresh; those adjustments take time. Make an actual chart you can post where your father can see it; when he asks you for direction, what to do, for the umpteenth time, lovingly point him to his 'list' so he can feel useful and productive on his own. It's a 'learning curve' and everybody has their own pace and process.

Senior center? Depends on what he wants / is able to do. ask him.

Were you able to research volunteers ?
- Colleges (nursing, social work, geriatrics, counseling, teaching) programs
- Churches
- Volunteer organizations
- Post on Next Door or neighborhood meet up in your area + on-line where you feel it is secure
- Post at libraries
- Ask neighbors & friends to recommend others
- See if there is a LITA chapter where you live (Love Is The Answer)

* Ask for references
* Write out a little blurb first. You might want to create a new email address for this need.

It was invaluable for my friend who was bedridden in a nursing home. Volunteers (loved him) were his life line and gave me a little break from daily visits.

Mckeez1: Perhaps your father is still grieving and may not yet be ready for any hobby that requires social interaction. In time, he could join into activities that are present at many senior centers. My mother so enjoyed these activities, which also included trips to fun destinations. Some of her friends are still commenting to me on how much fun they had with her!

I'm sorry for your loss.

Your Dad needs some social interaction. He needs new experiences, someone to talk to about your Mom and things...nothing too jarring.

Did he like animals? Perhaps he can help the Humane Society walk dogs. There is always the Senior Center, however, that might be too hard to do with the loss of your Mom so fresh in his mind.

How about the neighbors? With Spring on its way, maybe he could help the neighbors with a garden project. What he needs is something that "needs him".

your dad needs to grieve give him time to do that. yes you want him to be ok because it will make you feel better, but he is lost. after a while you can make suggestions like a day care for elders, men play cards, etc. He will decide after a while what he wants and needs to do. He made need help after the grieving period but you know when you lose someone you loved you can't just go and and start to dance again! Good Luck - (been thru it)

How about taking Dad on a tour of Independent Living Senior Housing where Dad can find his peers. Make sure they have an activities director who keeps people engaged. Also, look for volunteer work that would give Dad a purpose like working with pets at the Humane Society. He could man the phones for the Red Cross or share a talent that he has.

Maybe go to senior center 3 times a week

Not seeing any responses from McKeez1. Some more information about her father would be helpful. Age? Mental state (ie dementia?, or normal, but just grieving), physical limitations?

It's hard to know what might be appropriate without knowing those things.

Understandably he is testing your patience.
And you DO NOT and are NOT cruel. You are doing what you can and you are reaching out for support - for yourself - for him. Give yourself credit. This is not an easy situation, it is very challenging.

What is his diagnosis? This is important to know in order to consider how to 'work' with him.
* I would initially suggest acquiring volunteers if possible. You could try local colleges (nursing, geriatrics, social work program directors); churches, volunteer associations.
* Does he like / appreciate music ? classical? ethereal (calming), like Kitaro?
* Will he / could he watch a You Tube video of nature ? a zoo ? birds? travel ?
* Is he 'good' with his hands ? puzzles ? paints ? drawing / pencils?

Depending on his diagnosis and his limitations (mental, physical), it would be somewhat easier to provide some ideas.

Gena / Touch Matters

Activities to Keep person with Alzheimer’s busy

1)Fold a large stack of kitchen towels. There was no "wrong way" to fold them, 
2)He can sort and pair a large basket of colorful socks. 
3)He can pair nuts and bolts, sort playing cards by suit or numbers.
4) He can put together Lego or Duplo blocks to make something (very simple and no "wrong way" to do it). 
5)Looking at photo book of “coffee table” books with large pictures and a little bit of text. Watching DVDs (mostly Disney, Pixar, etc or sports) happy endings and nothing negative/stressful/scary in them. She read the closed captions of the entire movie out loud to herself. Even if he can’t follow he can be"be in the moment" from the action or songs. It can keep him occupied.
6) fill coin envelopes for the bank

Nancy Hendley’s “At-Home Activities” videos on YouTube.
Link https://www.caringkindnyc.org/activity-videos

Hello. I'll just add to what others have said. Maybe you could get a volunteer ("friend") to keep your dad company, while you run some errands, go for a walk, etc. Perhaps a local college could help with this, through a volunteer club, fraternity, sorority, etc., as a service project. Perhaps someone in a Social Work university program could also help, perhaps through an internship program, where they would get school credit for it. If this happens, you could present it to your dad that he’s helping the student out. I don’t know if they still make the Wii TV software, but years ago I’d see people going through the motions of bowling, playing golf, etc., with the corresponding background on the “wii.” Some areas have programs for seniors, and a shuttle will pick them up and provide free transportation to a senior activity center, a few days a week. Also, maybe he could go to a preschool or local elementary school, of course with their permission, and read to the kids. I think some schools have this program, which seems to benefit all ages. Of course, as others have said, with Covid, I’m not sure if these programs still exist, but the world seems to be opening up a bit. Hope these suggestions help.

Wonderful suggestions here. I would agree with all and add that perhaps an adult daycare would work if not too expensive. It offers a routine.

Find out if your town or a close by one has a senior center that serves lunch. He can go and have lunch with other seniors and visit with them. Many of them also have activities, play cards, have puzzles out to do etc. That would be a great place for him to make friends and have people to interact with.

Seniors being alone IMO is not the best option. How about considering IL or AL, he will not be alone, among people more his own age. Have planned activities, meals, on site nurse and more.

My mother & step-mother are in a beautiful facility and well cared for. One in AL, the other now in MC.

Very sorry for your loss.

My mom was bored but I found she could not do things alone. She forgot the steps for projects, she couldn’t follow tv shows enough to understand by herself, although Golden Girls has enough short one liners, she understands and laughs/enjoys those. I got her a companion daily 1-5. It has been great. I introduced the person as my friend and we all had an afternoon snack just talking and socializing. Then my friend would stop by…. (Of course this was scheduled by me) and I would be in the middle of something so mom and her would visit or do something. They went to a military gravesite, a beautiful park and fed the ducks/fish, movie, and lunch. Since your dad might feel more comfortable with another man, I suggest talking to a local pastor to see if there is a competent man who would like to befriend your dad and earn a little money too. I gave my mom a debit card with some mad money on it since she likes to pick up the tab. Mom does so well with a companion that I now have this 7 days a week. It works out 5 days for one friend and 2 days for another. You may find a different split of days/hours. My mom likes to sleep in and is better in the afternoon, however, some outings were late morning/early afternoon. Loneliness is curable with the right companion. Many times, the companion will show up and mom will say “I am so glad to see you”. This has been going on for 2 years. BTW, when I interviewed the “friend”, I gave a history of mom highlighting her career, where she grew up and her wonderful husband who passed. I also made it clear that mom is a painful introvert so she will not interrupt but does talk if she can find the words. We have been blessed.

I am sorry for your mother's loss. Hope your father finds senior activities to do. I know that activities stopped 3 years ago from Covid but hope many reopened by now. The alternate arrangement is the memory care facility for your father's condition.

You don't mention his age.

Its going to be hard for everyone to adjust now that the person who took up your time is gone. You deserve to have time to yourself. I agree, check out ur local Senior Center. Was Dad ever a Church person? Maybe try that. Maybe they have a Bible study he can go to. The library may have things he can do. Bus trips. Check out the adult Daycares in your area.

Make a list of things he could do and when he asks "what can I do" there's the list. Maybe Dad would do better in an Assisted living. He would have activities and socialization. Outings too.

Sorry for your loss. I'm sure dad is grieving and lonely. Try to get out of the house a bit so dad can try to answer that question by himself. It would drive me nuts too so I don't think you're cruel at all to feel that way! Leave him a short list of things that he could do. Maybe suggest that first step to him - so, what tools do you think you need for this project? Oh, where is the hammer? Can you go get it please? Etc. Maybe if you get him going, he'll take over and do it.

Do you think he would go to a grief support group? Could be really helpful to talk about his loss.

Take him to the senior center and get him involved with the people there. Get him out for a walk. Exercise is always good. Enroll him in a group exercise program - silver sneakers is a program that has different offerings. Fresh air and exercise help clear the mind and improve mood, etc.

My mom always needed help getting started on any tasks. She just can't figure out all the steps and therefore gets stuck on step 1. Maybe it's the same for your dad.

Best of luck.

Can you present him with some small jobs? Like, "Dad, can you organize the junk drawer?" or "Can you organize these photos?" Something you can literally dump on his lap, rather than, "Can you fix the screen, Dad?" because that's something he can avoid.

Your mom was his purpose in life. Everything else now seems meaningless. Our society is terrible at incorporating the elderly into daily life. Do you have kids? Can they sit in his room and do their homework there? Check the library for programs (ours has Tech with Teens, to teach older folks how to use their phones, etc.). Contact the high school…at this time of year, the seniors are panicking over their service projects (at least where I live) and offer him up…help my dad write a memoir. A new person is always great.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and that your grief is being sidelined by caring for your dad. I wish you both the best.

I’m sorry for the loss of your mom. This loss has devastated your father.

Please remember that it has only been a month since your mother has died.

Allow your father to grieve in his own way. Everyone grieves differently.

Maybe he isn’t looking for ways to ‘busy’ himself and simply finds comfort with having your company and someone to understand how he feels.

You may not be able to spend a lot of time with him but he may need the companionship of others.

Do you think that he would participate in a grief support group like GriefShare? (griefshare.org)

Or perhaps he may enjoy attending activities at a senior center.

Wishing you and your dad all the best.

Try this site for information:

https://www.cabq.gov/seniors/senior-multigenerational-centers