How can I keep going?

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How can I keep going?

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Alpha, I am so sorry for your loss.

May God grant you grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.

Great big warm hug!🤗

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My mother passed away about 2am this morning.
Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to post. Truly, every single response was helpful and made me feel less alone.
This is a wonderful forum.

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I'm so sorry. I just posted, then scrolled down and saw your update. I hope your mom died peacefully and that YOU are at peace. You are a great daughter!

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It was different for me because my mother died at home, so I was in and out all the time this was happening with her. I slept on a trundle bed just outside her door, about 6’ away, with us both waking every 3 or 4 hours. She still managed to die while I was asleep. I am quite sure that it didn’t matter to her – she wasn’t really conscious at all. We were together in love, with or without angels. Do the best you can. Keep yourself in good shape, because the days after death are very stressful, and you need to be able to cope, for all your sakes. Best wishes, Margaret

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You don't need need to be there every minute. You HAVE been there. You have said goodbye. Going is hard on you and it is NOT necessary. People who want to judge you for this?? Who the heck do they think they are?? They don't get a vote, ya know?

Sorry that your mom is passing. Hope it is quick and as pain free as possible.

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It does wear on you. My Mom was on Hospice for a week before she passed and no, I was not at her side the whole time. She was resting comfortably. The family came in during the week and said their goodbyes. My nephew and I went on her last day and sat with her. My nephew had been living with her and she worried about him since both parents were deceased. He suffers from multiple disabilities. He told her he would be fine. I sang her favorite hymn. We said goodby and left. She was found 20 min later by the nurse. So you could be there all day and leave for a minute and she could have passed. I do not regret not being there all day. Its stressful sitting around in a room shared by 3 other people.

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Alpha, you have to do what you feel is right.

People saying you'll be sorry is so wrong.

Only we know our personal situations and what our loved ones would want for themselves and what we can deal with. I don't believe that we have to watch someone die to prove our love.

I am sorry for your loss and I pray that God grants you wisdom and courage right now to do what you are supposed to do.

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Only the Good Lord knows the day and the time that He will call her home, and if you're there when it happens , or you're not there, that is how it was meant to happen. Our loved ones never die alone, as God not only sends His angels, but also other loved ones that have gone on before us to take us to our real home. Please take comfort in that, and please take care of yourself, as you still have lots of living to do yet. Praying for God's peace and comfort for you during this difficult time.

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This is actually a reply to lealonnie1. I put it in the wrong place.
I have heard of this so many times, and experienced it in my own family. I wish I knew for certain what her wishes would be. Does she want companionship at this time or does she want to spare us the pain of watching her die? Again, as I said above, if I knew what would help her, I would do it-regardless of how it effects me. But if I'm only getting an experience that I can never un-see, with no benefit to her, what is the point of going?
Thank you for the hug and prayer--I need both.

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Is your Mom currently awake? If she is peacefully resting and on morphine sublinqual or by IV time will hold little meaning for her, and whether you are there hours or minutes won't make a lot of difference for her. I am hoping hospice is now involved; they give better support.

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She is on IV morphine and seems completely unaware of anything. I've just read so many accounts that say something like "YOU'LL BE SORRY" if you don't do everything you can, make every possible visit, before she dies. I don't want to have regrets, but seeing her like this is also a regret and is not something she'd want, even if she is aware. If there was the slightest spark of recognition, of course I would go. But there's not. I am only there watching her die. Hospice has been contacted but don't know how quickly they can become involved, under the pandemic staffing.
Thank you for your response. It helps.

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I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I went through something similar with my Dad; he was actively dying for about 10 days in his ALF, under hospice care. In fact, his vital signs were very good & stable right up until a couple of hours before he passed away. Your mother might be hanging on because of your presence in her room..........hospice explained to me how that sometimes happens. So I took everyone out of Dad's room right after I was told that, and we went out to eat. That very night is when he finally passed.

Sending you a hug and a prayer that your mom transitions quickly and with pure peace and no pain

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Please see above post that is directed to you.

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