How can I keep 91 year old mom with dementia and Parkinson's covered up at night? Upsets 90 dad to the point he can't sleep.

- No to a sleep aide.
- Yes to separate beds.

If you could get a doctor to prescribe a sleep aid, then you would most likely need to make sure there are railings on the bed so she and he don't wonder in a sleep state.

A lot of us have been in the same boat. It is so hard.. and you are taking care of 2 older people, one who knows what's going on, and the other who has dementia and doesn't understand if the covers are on or off. Your dad is deathly afraid of losing her.. How long have they been married. Your dad is so still in love. That is wonderful. It's scary for him to think of losing her, especially on his watch. He is watching all the time. All the Time may not be good for him. He is not getting the rest he needs. And he needs to be able to sleep well at least a few nights a week.

Peanuts56 may be right, ask the doctor about sleep aids for both parents. They are in their 90's, ask about Palliative Care and Hospice. You may be able to get some kind of relief. I don't know if putting your parents in separate rooms, but separate beds with rail? This is tough...

I think it’s time for separate beds Can they sleep in separate rooms?

I read somewhere recently that the optimum temperature for sleep is 16 degrees centigrade. Have since noticed that when I visit my mother in the memory care unit and she is still asleep (she often sleeps in the day instead of the night) I find the air con in her room set very low....and she will be in the deepest of sleeps with only a single blanket, summer sheets, summer nightgown and a light cardigan. Perhaps consider that your mother has too many bed clothes, even if it is winter.
The extreme opposite would be if your mother is too cold, to invest in an adult 'onesie'. They were all the rage in Australia a few years back. Think of the all-in-one outfits that babies wear, feet enclosed, zipper down front and down one leg for ease of changing. Could be made from a polar fleece fabric. Some also have a folding option at the wrist that can either release the hands or fold over them to keep them warm. If you are not enterprising with needle and thread I am sure a dressmaker would be able to oblige.

If your mother is wide awake and talking and waving her legs in the air, surely it's only going to stress her out instead if you try to swaddle her in bedclothes?

But your poor father. Are separate bedrooms out of the question? Does your mother need attention during the night (toileting, changing, reassuring, e.g.), or is she essentially just talking amongst herself?

There are weighted blankets that may help. Or would it be helpful to address what she is wearing to bed? Warm pajamas, slipper socks, or they even make footy pajamas for women. Another thought is to address the sleep issue. Lavender in a diffuser may be helpful. How about warm milk or sleepy time tea? I guess what I'm wondering if she is cold or she is restless? Perhaps if she's restless as a result of dementia? Maybe a physician could be of assistance with the sleep issues.

I took a box and opened it up and put one part under the mattress to hold it the other portion stuck up this made an area where the feet and lower legs would be covered but no weight so that my Husband moving his legs and feet would not move the blankets and sheet off of him.
I did use the polar fleece blankets, they are warm but breathe and they are light weight. (They also wash and dry fast so if they become soiled cleaning is easier.) I used the Twin Extra Long and they were perfect for this.

It's amazing how little covers the caregivers put on the patients... So, perhaps a lil cooler deems a deeper sleep? I don't know..I start with a lot of covers, by morning, the covers are all tossled... Perhaps it's my pets doing that. I wake up with a few on the bed...

Gave a weighted blanket to family members. 2 were returned... My hubby decided to try it... He liked it at first..
Today he said it slides off and takes the other covers with it.
Yup, we are in that gap where we sleep better apart... We both snore, so we tell each other.. I DO NOT SNORE ... snork snork.. :) quite loudly I have to admit.. I woke myself up a few times.

Do you think your mom actually needs to be out of the covers? I would really hate it if someone tucked in my feet so that I could not get them out of the covers or sleeping bag or whatever and just reading those recommendations makes me cringe. My feet get hot and I hate them to be confined. I sleep alone because I am just not able to have someone else in the bed with me. They'd end up on the floor. Perhaps your mom needs her own bed now. Her own room even.

Thank you everyone for all the great advice l. Ya'll are the best.

I would think twin beds would be in order, then you can figure out the cover issue.

There are many options available today, I would research them out.

When my father had problems with the cover when turning over in the bed, we got a queen sized sleeping bag, lined the inside top with a satin sheet and added some straps so we could tie the bag down to the bed (straps went under the mattress). Dad could turn over without dragging the covers with him; the cover was tied in place to the bed and the satin sheet slid across his PJs. Whatever position Dad stopped in he still had cover over his body and only occasionally needed to pull the top up slightly to his chin. We added a thick strap to the zipper pull so it was easy for Dad to zip/unzip the bag, but he usually called for help from the MC staff when he wanted out.

Lots of companies make these---'Zip It' bedding, just google it. Be careful as the cheap ones can come apart in the wash!

My daughter bought the pricier ones and have lasted through MANY washings.

This is the exact reason I moved out of our bedroom. My hubby wants it HOT and HEAVY blankets AND a room heater. It's about 80 degrees in there. My bedroom is a sweet 62 and I have one comforter on and half the time that's kicked off.

Most elderly people are no longer sharing a bed. It has all to do with getting a decent night's sleep. My DH travels a lot and so he is really used to spreading out on a King Size bed and I literally have one tiny corner to call my own. AND he wakes up all night long and either turns the TV on! or turns his phone on and watches stuff or flips through FB. B/C of the dynamic of being in a King bed all alone 75% of time, he has the habits of yanking all the covers, etc.

I'd LOVE to be able to sleep next to my sweetie and actually GET a night's sleep, and sometimes I do, but it requires a sleeping pill, ear plugs an eye mask and the thinnest cotton pjs I own. And I still wind up moving rooms during the night.

I've heard good things about the "Buffy" (which has made me laugh b/c my name IS Buffy and they will give me a 25% discount for that alone!! But it's for people who are cold and they are quite expensive. Maybe I'll get one for DH who's birthday is on Valentine's Day. He, of course will be out of town.

Twin beds, or even 2 queens if the room allows it so dad can still see mom and see that she is OK. They do make sleeping bag type comforters that fit the bed and you just zip them up as much as you like. Cannot think of the name, all my grands have them. I'll come back and post the link to their site.

Corndog,
Before my Uncle passed I was with him and my Aunt.
My Aunt was constantly worried that my Uncle was cold and kept covering him up only to have him shove them off. My Aunt has dementia.
After reading your post, it occurs to me this was her way of trying to comfort him. I think she knew he was getting close to the end and that was the only way she could help.
It may be the same with your Dad.
It might be worth a conversation with his physician. If he's not already on antianxiety medication, maybe that's an option.
God bless!

If she really needs to be covered, maybe one of those weighted blankets would work? I feel for your dad,, I know I wake my hubs up. But he is the one who hates covers.. I snuggle in,, then the heat pump comes on,, off go my covers.. then it goes off,, up come my covers.. and the poor puppers in the middle of the bed gets covered/uncovered all night...

Hi are you able to buy
a " onesie " it's similar to a babies baby grow only for adults with button or poppers to allow for toileting.

Linda,

My mom hated her feet or anything else tucked in! I love being snuggled up in a cocoon but mom did not. I respect that. She would tell me that she could not remove a heavy cover off of her. I put a lighter cover on her bed. She couldn’t even handle a heavy bath towel. I dried her off and I bought lighter towels just for her.

Nothing heavy! No heavy clothes or pajamas. No heavy robe. She couldn’t handle it. The sensory levels are vastly different from when they were younger. Parkinson’s disease effects so much. It’s individual to each person. I saw it on a daily basis. My mom really struggles with things that people without Parkinson’s don’t. We may not understand how it all works but we have to respect it.

I dated a guy years ago that lost his arm in a horrible accident. He used to tell me, “My arm is itching. I can feel it.” I was about 18. I had no idea how he felt. It kind of freaked me out. I said to him, “How can your arm itch? You don’t have an arm.” He assured me that he felt the itching. People feel what they feel.

This woman’s husband needs to realize that he is making her miserable. He needs to be told that she is comfortable. He means well but he needs to back off.

This is a case where your dad needs to adapt to what your mom needs, not what he thinks she needs. NHWM described my husband's reaction perfectly - he didn't want heavy covers, he didn't like the bedding tucked in anywhere. He didn't like the oversized bedding I tried because he'd get tangled in the middle of the night when he got out of bed. Our solution wasn't energy efficient or inexpensive, but we just increased the thermostat temp so he was warm enough in summer weight bedding.

Try this buy a blanket one size larger than the mattress she is sleeping on. Tie a knot in the knotted lower corners of her blanket and stuff the knot as far as you can under the mattress.

Her weight on top of the mattress will keep the knots in place so she will be less likely to be uncovered.

You can also buy “sheet garters” that can also be used on blankets, that will make a corner to slide under the mattress. I think I’ve seen them in Walmart.

My mom has Parkinson’s and she hates heavy covers. She may not want to be covered up.

Your dad wants it, not her. My mom would purposely live the covers only half way on her body.

I would ask her how she feels about the covers. The other thing that he may not realize is that motor skills diminish with Parkinson’s disease so my mom absolutely hated getting tangled up in covers.

This is just a wild guess but could she have restless leg syndrome? Read about this a bit and perhaps talk to her doctor.
Does it seem that she is cold or is it that she is making dad wake when she moves about?
You could try putting an extra comforter over him and under her so she doesn’t uncover him. I like the twin bed idea as well. You could try putting him or her in a different room altogether to see if he would sleep through. Try a few things first so when you talk to her doctor you’ll know if you want to try meds. Good luck and let us know how it works out. We learn from one another.

Can you dress her in warm pj's? Maybe get dad a pair so he knows that she is not cold.

Maybe a room heater.

I would also be getting them twin beds so he isn't being awakened by her aerobic exercises during the night.

I would also put a white noise machine to muffle some of the noise.

I don't know how you keep an active sleeper covered, I always had to use heavier sleepwear.

I wonder if you could use a rectangular sleeping bag or sleep sack. It would keep your mom from kicking the covers off. Could be a problem, though, if she needs to get up to pee at night.

Best of luck to you, honey -- you've got a big job taking care of two parents.