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I have my 91 year old mom with dementia and Parkinson's and my 90 year old dad with shortness of breath and kidney failure. Up until a month ago dad could take care of mom at night keeping her covered up. It stresses him out if he thinks she is uncovered and cold. He can't sleep good with her with her legs in the air and talking. I am at my wits end cuz dad calls me to cover her up. Neither one of us is getting much sleep. Is there some kind of cover you can buy to keep them tucked in? Any advice will be appreciated.

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Do you think your mom actually needs to be out of the covers? I would really hate it if someone tucked in my feet so that I could not get them out of the covers or sleeping bag or whatever and just reading those recommendations makes me cringe. My feet get hot and I hate them to be confined. I sleep alone because I am just not able to have someone else in the bed with me. They'd end up on the floor. Perhaps your mom needs her own bed now. Her own room even.
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Reply to ArtistDaughter
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MaryKathleen Feb 12, 2020
I know how you feel, At 85 I still have night sweats or hot flashes. I can't imagine getting any sleep if I was made to stay under the damp covers.
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Gave a weighted blanket to family members. 2 were returned... My hubby decided to try it... He liked it at first..
Today he said it slides off and takes the other covers with it.
Yup, we are in that gap where we sleep better apart... We both snore, so we tell each other.. I DO NOT SNORE ... snork snork.. :) quite loudly I have to admit.. I woke myself up a few times.
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Reply to MAYDAY
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I took a box and opened it up and put one part under the mattress to hold it the other portion stuck up this made an area where the feet and lower legs would be covered but no weight so that my Husband moving his legs and feet would not move the blankets and sheet off of him.
I did use the polar fleece blankets, they are warm but breathe and they are light weight. (They also wash and dry fast so if they become soiled cleaning is easier.) I used the Twin Extra Long and they were perfect for this.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Can you dress her in warm pj's? Maybe get dad a pair so he knows that she is not cold.

Maybe a room heater.

I would also be getting them twin beds so he isn't being awakened by her aerobic exercises during the night.

I would also put a white noise machine to muffle some of the noise.

I don't know how you keep an active sleeper covered, I always had to use heavier sleepwear.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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My mom has Parkinson’s and she hates heavy covers. She may not want to be covered up.

Your dad wants it, not her. My mom would purposely live the covers only half way on her body.

I would ask her how she feels about the covers. The other thing that he may not realize is that motor skills diminish with Parkinson’s disease so my mom absolutely hated getting tangled up in covers.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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I wonder if you could use a rectangular sleeping bag or sleep sack. It would keep your mom from kicking the covers off. Could be a problem, though, if she needs to get up to pee at night.

Best of luck to you, honey -- you've got a big job taking care of two parents.
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Reply to losingitinmo
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This is a case where your dad needs to adapt to what your mom needs, not what he thinks she needs. NHWM described my husband's reaction perfectly - he didn't want heavy covers, he didn't like the bedding tucked in anywhere. He didn't like the oversized bedding I tried because he'd get tangled in the middle of the night when he got out of bed. Our solution wasn't energy efficient or inexpensive, but we just increased the thermostat temp so he was warm enough in summer weight bedding.
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Reply to Linda22
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If she really needs to be covered, maybe one of those weighted blankets would work? I feel for your dad,, I know I wake my hubs up. But he is the one who hates covers.. I snuggle in,, then the heat pump comes on,, off go my covers.. then it goes off,, up come my covers.. and the poor puppers in the middle of the bed gets covered/uncovered all night...
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TNtechie Feb 11, 2020
You may want to consider getting a new thermostat for your heat pump. A lot of older thermostats have a 4-8 degree swing which means if the thermostat is set for 68, the system doesn't come on until the room temperature falls to 66, then continues to heat until the room temperature is 70, which results in a 4 degree swing and has us adjusting the cover. Some older mechanical thermostats may have as much as an 8 degree swing. New digital thermostats (available from $20) have a 2 degree swing (or an adjustable swing) so with the same 68 degree setting the heat comes on at 66 and shuts off when the room temperature is back to 68. The 2 degree change isn't enough for us to need any cover adjustment.
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This is the exact reason I moved out of our bedroom. My hubby wants it HOT and HEAVY blankets AND a room heater. It's about 80 degrees in there. My bedroom is a sweet 62 and I have one comforter on and half the time that's kicked off.

Most elderly people are no longer sharing a bed. It has all to do with getting a decent night's sleep. My DH travels a lot and so he is really used to spreading out on a King Size bed and I literally have one tiny corner to call my own. AND he wakes up all night long and either turns the TV on! or turns his phone on and watches stuff or flips through FB. B/C of the dynamic of being in a King bed all alone 75% of time, he has the habits of yanking all the covers, etc.

I'd LOVE to be able to sleep next to my sweetie and actually GET a night's sleep, and sometimes I do, but it requires a sleeping pill, ear plugs an eye mask and the thinnest cotton pjs I own. And I still wind up moving rooms during the night.

I've heard good things about the "Buffy" (which has made me laugh b/c my name IS Buffy and they will give me a 25% discount for that alone!! But it's for people who are cold and they are quite expensive. Maybe I'll get one for DH who's birthday is on Valentine's Day. He, of course will be out of town.

Twin beds, or even 2 queens if the room allows it so dad can still see mom and see that she is OK. They do make sleeping bag type comforters that fit the bed and you just zip them up as much as you like. Cannot think of the name, all my grands have them. I'll come back and post the link to their site.
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Reply to Midkid58
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If your mother is wide awake and talking and waving her legs in the air, surely it's only going to stress her out instead if you try to swaddle her in bedclothes?

But your poor father. Are separate bedrooms out of the question? Does your mother need attention during the night (toileting, changing, reassuring, e.g.), or is she essentially just talking amongst herself?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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