How can I help my friend, who hasn't vacationed since 2005, talk her family into helping with her parents so she can take 48 hours away?

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How can I help my friend, who hasn't vacationed since 2005, talk her family into helping with her parents so she can take 48 hours away?

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My friend desparately needs time away from caring for her 90+, disabled parents. She has the opportunity to go away for 48 hours over Labor Day weekend at no cost to her, but to do that she must talk her sisters & brothers into taking care of her parents so she can go. She is unable to get anyone to take her parents to church on the Sunday & is now saying she cannot go. She desperately needs a break!
Your suggestions on ideas I can give her on what she might do would be greatly appreciated. She doesn't want to ask them not to go as she thinks she will never hear the end of it.
Thanks in advance.

Burnout Family Caregiver Respite

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Can you help at all? Maybe you can take them to church on Sunday? If that is all that is holding her back, it would be a lovely and small thing for you to do.

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I would if I could, but I am the person providing the break. She will be joining us at our cabin.

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How about some one else from their church? If this is a deal breaker, they must be regulars there, and know people. Maybe call the pastor?

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I think that you cannot, and you certainly cannot speak for her. If she cannot speak for herself, then I am afraid she will continue to be the doormat she currently is, taking care of family without a break.
Were it me I would be meeting with my family to say that I may not be able to continue in this care, and that my parents need to be placed. When they all hit the fan like so much you know what they will be perhaps willing to spell her weekly, and for a few days vacation. And if they refuse, I am afraid she is left with just exactly that decision, can she continue another 20 years without a break, or not?

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I have to say that she is being unrealistic about having them miss church 1 time being a deal breaker.

Encourage her to get someone in and let the parents and siblings figure out what they will and will not do while she is away.

When we ask for help we need to let people do things their way. Obviously not medications and such.

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My solution is similar to AlvaDeer's - she needs to tell Ma and Pa "road trip, I'll be gone all weekend. If one of your other children won't take you to church, you can watch services on the internet, I'll even show you how!' Then I would tell the brothers and sisters "I'm leaving at 7:00 pm on Friday and I'll be home by 10:00 PM on Sunday. You each have a key and the pantry and refrigerator will be stocked. Y'all can figure out your schedules, anything works for me".

I was once a good daughter too, keeping my mouth shut so that my mom wouldn't go off the deep end and driving myself crazy making sure she was happy before I made plans of my own. It nearly killed me but I managed stop that self-destructive behavior and learned to say NO. Maybe a gentle push in that direction (nothing drastic, baby steps!) will help her see that her life comes first. You can't get those old folks to church if you are dead!

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How can I help my friend, who hasn't vacationed since 2005, talk her family into helping with her parents so she can take 48 hours away?

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