My mom is 70 with growing health concerns that are normal for her age...but she also has a 71-year-old man that has been living in the house rent free for about 4 years. My dad died 6 years ago, so I guess she was lonely and desperate for a living companion. The problem is that he needs constant round-the-clock care.
He has diabetes, has only one leg, is in a wheelchair, is very weak and frail, can't move himself, is an alcoholic and prescription pain pill addict, has PTSD, depression, and dementia, and a very short temper. He keeps loaded guns on hand because he's so paranoid. He refuses to wear pants or underwear even when our family (including children) come over to visit. I've walked in several times to find he's tried to cook something on the stove and forgot about it, so the house fills with smoke. He is endangering both of their lives daily.
He needs to be constantly cared for and wants my mom readily available to do it all: helping him in and out of bed, helping him in and out of his wheelchair, bathing, toileting, incontinence issues, bed changing, wound changing, feeding, taking him to his doctor appointments, moving him from his wheelchair to the car and then back from the car to his wheelchair, etc....
He also yells at and is verbally abusive toward her. He gets upset and repeatedly calls her to come home from family functions if she's gone longer than 2 or 3 hours.
The house is a mess and filthy dirty because my mom is too tired to do housework. There's unopened mail (probably with bills) everywhere. She has completely lost interest in doing anything because she's so tired, and she's neglecting her own heath. She is 70 and has her own health problems that we feel she is not addressing.
She thinks caring for him is her responsibility because she let him move in. Maybe he's made her believe this. She is increasingly easily influenced, and he takes advantage of that. She thinks he has no where else to go (even though he has Medicaid and Medicare), and is afraid of him because of his paranoid personality.
My mom's living situation is completely unacceptable. My sister's and I need to get this man out of her house so we can focus on helping her with her own health issues, appointments, housework, finances, etc. We're afraid this man is going to kill her with all of his demands and growing list of health concerns.
We don't know what to do. She needs to be rescued, but she won't throw him out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.