I work in the Mental Health field as a case manager. I drive about 4000 miles a month and provide services in home and at school. I share a home with my aging mom (80) and special needs brother who is 62. Mom fell and broke 2 ribs this year. Later she broke a hip.
I have been trying to juggle caring for both my mom and brother and work. However, my mom has a long history of abusing her children. She is also very manipulative. She has chronic UTI's and full spectrum hallucinations. Even though she has severe memory issues, gets confused and can't manager hers or my brother's money without over extending them each month (she is my brother's payee) the doctors at the hospital refuse to give her any kind of diagnosis other than depression. She is a master at masking her behaviors and maintaining when dealing with outsiders.
The last is frustrating because my brother is terrifed of mom. Last weekend she had him in the living room with a rifle and she was armed with a spray bottle of antiseptic. She threatened to spray me in the face twice. She was convinced there were intruders in the house. I took the rifle from my brother and relocated it off the property. I took her to the ER the following day after taking two falls. She had been refusing to use her walker and had crawled over the railing of her bed.
She is largely incontinent and I discovered she has been defacting in her underwear and making my brother wash them while I'm at work. She has also been doubling up on her meds or insisting she has taken them when she hasn't. She keeps trying to take out loans and I am already having to pay for their groceries and scripts.
On top of all this she is verbally abusive to both my brother and I. She won't try to do anything for herself (except shower which she'll do when I'm at work-this is a disaster waiting to happen). My brother and I wait on her hand and foot in an effort to maintain some kind of peace. Then she tells people we won't let her do anything. I have two sisters who live far away and haven't seen mom in 14 and 18 years because the sound of her voice sends them into anxiety attacks. I have no support and continually use up all my sick leave and vacation time because of various crises that arise from my mom.
I can't take it anymore and neither can my brother. She is in senior care at the hospital right now (the psych ward). We need her to go into the nursing home, but like I said, the doctor says she is just depressed. How can I get her into a nursing home without having guardianship or a POA?