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I have already spoken to the Executive Director and Nursing Director more than once about the fact that the large screen TV is always on movies that are too loud/violent/yelling and/or are not appropriate for Memory Care residents. Sometimes they are movies that are too scary, even if they are comedies, such as those that include ghosts and evil beings. I have brought it up to both management and staff over and over, and they always change the TV channel if I ask, but then I walk in the next time, and it is on something terrible again. I think these are shows that the young staff want to watch and not what the residents would enjoy watching. If I suggest old movies or TV shows from the 40's, 50's or 60's, I get blank looks from the staff. I think old musicals would be enjoyable to most residents as well. I know my mother loves those.
My personal opinion is that some of the TV the staff chooses to show to residents is abusive to their aging minds, just as showing violent TV to children is abusive.
I feel I am fighting a losing battle with this. Mom is a fall-risk and not allowed to stay in her room alone anymore, so she cannot watch her own TV anymore, but it breaks my heart to walk in the facility and see Mom sitting there parked in her wheelchair in front of the TV and there is something that is shocking or disturbing to her being played out on the screen.

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I agree with you. Perhaps calling the ombudsman is appropriate given the lack of cooperation from the director.
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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I had Moms TV set for Cozi or MeTV. These stations had all the old shows on them. I would come in and see news on. Mom didn't watch news when she was with it. I put a note on her TV, please leave TV on station I have it. No news.

Yes, tge violence will affect these residents. When Mom was with me, she watched Emergency until there was a bombing and she got upset because she thought it was our house.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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cover9339 Jul 20, 2025
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In this case, good for the facility. Sad to say many of the shows you speak of were geared only to a certain race.

How realistic today is a wife at home while the husband works, doing housework all dressed up? Even Billy Gray from Father Knows Best mentioned how the show was not realistic.

Do you think "Hazel" was representative of what was going on at the time?

One of the only shows that tried to be realistic was "Julia" starring Diane Carroll which had an African American in a title role and not as a maid.

Violence? Didn't many old country western shows have shootings and people being unalived?
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puptrnr Jul 21, 2025
You seemed to completely have missed the point of the op. Being a captive audience with no choice to leave coupled with a broken brain and being forced to watch violence on tv is cruel at worst and ignorant (and selfish) of staff at best. This discussion has nothing to do with what was on tv 40 or more years ago and everything to do with how best to navigate a situation which is suboptimal for the op’s loved one.

I would try to call another meeting with the director and include your neurologist and or psychiatrist to help you to explain your position from a medical perspective.
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I agree with Geaton completely. I also think the facility staff is who is watching this stuff and changing the channels.

I totally HATE violent movies or TV shows. When my Ex was staying here, all he'd want to watch was violence! Blood, murders, killing creatures (think Alien) and similar garbage. I would get dinner ready and tell him to change the channel, or starve. He would get annoyed, but knew I meant business. I'd rather watch comedies, musicals, adventures or game shows.

My Ex was a Vietnam Combat veteran with PTSD. He'd constantly watch any war movie, TV shows like Tour of Duty, Black Sheep Squadron, or movies like Platoon, Apocalypse Now....over and over. Or hours and hours of pro wrestling! Anything else to him was "boring."

So glad he is out now...and at his lovely apt. he has cable TV with 200 channels of violence and gore at his fingertips. I'm so happy don't have to hear it or see it. My blood pressure went from 140 to 114 since he's gone. My Doctor is amazed!

I find it odd your Mom can't stay in her room and watch TV because she is a fall risk? Does she try to get up and down (without help) constantly?
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Reply to Dawn88
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Lee188 Jul 20, 2025
Yes, Mom is constantly trying to stand up from her wheelchair. She thinks she can still walk by herself. She also has private caregivers at night because she tries to get out of bed.
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Go to a store like Half Price Books (they sell more than just books) and buy some DVDs of older movies. Some thrift stores also have used DVDs. Even buy a DVD player (they're not that expensive) and offer to set it up on the TV. As long as it has an available HDMI port it shouldn't be difficult.
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Reply to swmckeown76
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I agree with you absolutely; this is shocking really. Decent care for the elderly starts at the top with administration. This is almost abusive. I would contact an ombudsman.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I agree 100%
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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Sad, and I would agree that it's the Staff is setting the Channels. I know that not ALL movies that air on Turner Classic Movies are appropriate for Memory Care residents, and my Mom was in Assisted Living with 'fading memory' (then died at 80 yrs.), but she absolutely loved the old Fred Astaire, or Bing Crosby, or Debbie Reynolds musical comedies. Judy Garland, too, was a favorite. Dick Van Dyke, Julie Andrews, all these lovely musicals were a joy for my mother, and I would call her to set her television to anything that was to air on that day or evening that she would enjoy. This was many times a highlight of her day, and we could chat about how beautiful Audrey Hepburn was in 'My Fair Lady' and other such great memories. My TV has lots of "old favorites" like Andy Griffith, I Love Lucy, well I could go on and on and..won't do so. What is happening at your mother's residence is potentially hurtful rather than tuned into something that might bring joy. It's simply just not right, and I feel that there should be someone at that residence with enough common sense and humanity left that could select "old movies" or programs (particularly musicals!) that could being a bit of happiness.
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Reply to fluffy1966
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Lee188 Jul 21, 2025
I agree with everything you said. I know I sound like a broken record asking the staff to change the TV channels to shows/movies the residents would enjoy. I just don't think some people, especially younger ones, understand how important that is for someone elderly, especially those with dementia. The same thing goes for music. Sometimes the music that is playing over the speakers in the common area where the residents spend most of their days, is modern music that the staff enjoys. I mentioned several times that the residents would probably enjoy music from their own younger days like Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Nat King Cole, etc. The facility did make a change there by purchasing headphones that the residents can put on and listen to their own music with the help of staff. But it would be nice if the music that played in the open area was geared more to the residents' age group.
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Local public radio plays classical music, tells the time and temperature every hour and traffic conditions. Also have the tv on the weather channel. Soothing music and then the weather around the nation every 30 minutes or so. Maybe live Jeopardy or wheel of fortune or judge Judy for those who like that. Local news at 4 and 5pm. Focus on weather and traffic and local news. Staff can listen to what they want on headphones, earbuds which they probably are, 24/7. Old people enjoy the local news and orientation. I hate old westerns and black and white tv. Nature shows, Smithsonian Cruise ships or trains, local news.
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Reply to Beethoven13
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I feel like the news is more shocking and depressing these days and that is what my 92 yr old grandpa in MC wants to watch. He gets all worked up over the state of the country and I really wish he would find something else. He can still go into his own room and watch what he wants which is of course news or old war movies. That part always shocks me as he has been diagnosed with PTSD also and I have no idea why he would CHOOSE to watch that. Unfortunately since he has control over his TV if he doesnt like what they are watching which is usually old classics he goes to his room and dwells on the things he wants to watch. I think his mood would be better if he watched something less depressing but I am not there to make that decision. If it were coming from the common rooms I would def speak up.
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Reply to laura9574
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Good Morning,

TV on a continual marathon basis is not good for seniors especially in Memory Care. But they love the old-time music. I would limit your mother' s tv viewing so much per day and have the music she enjoyed from her younger days'.

I know of Dementia patients who cannot remember my name but they can get up and sing and an entire song and sound like Judy Garland; it brings tears to your eyes.

Their long-term memory and music seem to stick. I dropped one of my subscriptions on tv because it was simply not life giving. The staff are so overworked changing the tv takes is not high on the mark but changing a diaper is.

They have too many people to care for and I totally agree with you but unless you hire a one-on-one attendant at a specific time of the day and mother sits in her room that's the only way this can change.
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Reply to Ireland
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You have to focus on what you can actually change.

Buy her noise-cancelling headphones and an inexpensive tablet.

Hire someone to sit in the room with her, so that she can watch what she likes.

While I agree that the programs you described aren't healthy to watch (for anyone), making that decision for all of the people that live there isn't up to you.

And considering the changes being made that has had many people working in old age homes leave; this wouldn't be a hill I'd choose to "die" on if it were my mother.
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Reply to LastHurrah
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Lee188 Jul 26, 2025
We already pay for MC and also private sitters every night. Probably won't pay for someone to sit with her and watch TV during the day as well. She wears hearing aids and would not want to wear noise cancelling headphones. She was not familiar with computers before she had dementia, and at 94 years old, she would not have a clue about using a tablet.

Not trying to make the decision for everyone else on what tv shows to watch, but I think most doctors and geriatric psychiatrists would agree scenes of frantic screaming and violence are probably not helpful for any patients with dementia.
Also, I am not choosing the "die on this hill." I thought this forum was for those who have loved ones with similar issues, who are looking for help or answers. My thanks to the many other participants here who have given excellent advice.
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Lived in 2 assisted livings and have family and friends living A/L and M/C. What I have seen and experienced - for the most part when at stage of fall risk, very common to not allow resident in room alone for safety. In common area, they are in constant view and falls prevented. Spouse falling, to ER 4 times in 2.5 months. Hitting head big concern. Hospice and staff advised dangers of alone in room and in situation of staying in commons area. No falls going on 2 years! Think of situation of raising young ones, how we keep them close in sight to keep safe. Also good as seeing/hearin others for socialization if some kind. For tv. This is tricky as guys watch guy shows and women have their favorites. Our facilitiy has good mix of shows to watch for each. Mostly music with beautuful nature scenes, activities. Mostly for us and folks we visited, it was a good blend. Agree your place does not seen to do this. Hopefully others may find a solution to offer variety of tv watching and non violent shows. And with your suggestions, maybe get them in habit of not just turning on tv to anything. Also, portable dvd players are good option.
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Reply to Memories42
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JanPeck123 Jul 25, 2025
I like the idea of a DVD player in the TV room. Maybe families of some of the residents might like to donate some videos that would be appropriate.
When my Mom passed away, we donated her DVDs to the AL community. Carol Burnett Show, Golden Girls, Mr. Bean, etc. Very G rated stuff. The residents enjoyed them in their "theater" room.
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A lady I used to visit in a nearby nursing home would never go into the lounge where the comfortable seating was because of what was on TV. "I don't want to watch killing and wickied stuff. I want to watch things that will make me laugh. This makes me afraid of the men here who like watching it." At least she was still ambulatory and could go elsewhere. I think you are raising a legitimate issue.
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Reply to graygrammie
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What about some nature programs?

I have Roku streaming without cable for free and like their selections.
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Reply to Patathome01
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I would recommend putting the complaint in writing and escalate it to the owner or board members if required.

The staff isn't there to watch movies or TV, it isn't for their enjoyment, so tough if they don't like what is on. They should be taking care of the patients that are paying through the nose to be cared for. This should be pointed out to the boss, the employees are being entertained at the expense of the patients and that is theft from the facility.

If something doesn't change, I would file complaints with every governing board involved with the licensing of this place.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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I live in memory care with my wife. The TV in the day room plays westerns all day with occasional moves to Golden Girls. The staff is very willing to change the channel when asked.
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Reply to Maurice53
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Document everything. Keep a written log of dates, times and details of when the TV volume or program content upset your mother, along with any conversations with the staff. Documentation helps show a pattern of neglecting your mother’s comfort, which is important if further action is needed.

Request a formal care plan adjustment. Send a polite but firm letter or email to the nursing director asking her to include quiet, calming TV content as part of your mother’s personalized care plan. Memory care facilities are required to follow individualized care plans, especially for things that affect emotional well being. Once it’s in writing, the staff is obligated to comply.

Sometimes staff are unaware of the effect that loud or aggressive T.V. content can have on dementia patients. Suggesting training on dementia friendly environments might help.

If the facility continues to ignore the issue, you can file a complaint with the state’s long term care ombudsman. (Every state has one). They advocate for residents and can intervene quickly. You can also file a complaint with the licensing agency that oversees memory care facilities.

I hope this helps you get a more peaceful environment for your mom.
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Reply to HaveYourBack
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I understand, the TV should be enjoyable to the residents and not the staff. Don't you wish you could put parental control over their stations? I think the facility is missing the point, while the TV is loud because of people who are hard of hearing it shouldn't be violent as to agitate the residents. Something like the Hallmark channel or Animal Planet which has variety and of interest to most would have a more calming effect on the residents. The point is while many offices/ businesses play obnoxious elevator music that is annoying, it's relaxing to them. Maybe this should be part of your argument? How would they feel if they were older and were forced to tolerate the stuff of today's youth? Nails on a chalkboard!! Do they want calm residents or irritated ones? Maybe it's time to get the families of other residents on your side? Ask around, maybe petition for change if it's not going to cause resentment with the facility. It's not taking any time away from caregiving to find one or a few stations that fits their likes. Program a few favorites and just use that button, don't let the residents have the remote! For the cost of MC it's not much to ask for.
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Reply to JuliaH
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Lee188: Put your complaint in writing.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Ask them to put on a channel that shows re-runs or The Hallmark Channel or HGTV. Younger staff know which channels those are. Otherwise, ask for your mother's TV to be moved to the day room and tuned to one of these channels.
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Reply to Taarna
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Weather channel, mighty cruise ships on Smithsonian channel, local news every day at noon and 5pm so they get a touchstone of reality, local weather, traffic, and the unfortunate but local news. HGTV and Cooking shows like Jamie Oliver cooks, Discovery nature shows. Lawrence Welk re runs on Saturday and Sunday or whatever day at 5pm. I personally dislike black and white westerns and movies. Would rather something uplifting and semi interesting like Smithsonian Mighty Trains, Mighty Ships. Stanley Tucci Italy. Lots of pretty scenery, some practical information, easy to follow game shows- maybe Jeopardy. I would indulge in an hour of Judge Judy. Nothing too complicated or heavy. The local public radio plays classical music and gives time and weather on the half hour.
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Reply to Beethoven13
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Mum used to go to a dementia friendly film club where they would watch old musicals and comedies. They were familiar and Mum really enjoyed watching them.
If, ten years before, you had asked whether she'd want to watch Calamity Jane or High Society, she'd have turned her nose up. Mum would have said, "Why would I want to watch that old thing?" Even though my daughter and I loved watching old movies.
But dementia changes how a person thinks and they often engage better with music and films from when they were younger. Mum really perked up when she heard music from when she was young.

I think that the care home staff are being thoughtless and cruel.
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Reply to MiaMoor
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As I read from some readers, put your complaints in writing. It costs toooo much money to live in one of these places. Remember, document what you say to the facility director.
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