Help! I am at my wits end and my health is suffering from it. I am 46 years old. Between the little sister and myself we have been taking care of Dad since 1992 when my mom passed. Dad was young then and still worked but didn't date and we cleaned house and cooked for him, etc. Fast forward to 2019..he is 77 has COPD/Emphysema, mobility issues, 3 Aortic Aneurysms, and a multitude of other issues. He currently lives with me. We fight constantly. He does nothing really for himself. I cook all his meals, do his laundry, take him everywhere, clean up after him, clip his toenails, balance his checkbook. I am his maid, his nurse, his receptionist, his taxi.. I literally do all for him except well go to the bathroom for him. I know I sound harsh but I am done! He constantly calls me a "B" and expects me to not let it bother me. Did I mention I also hold down a full time job? I feel like my life has become a prison sentence with work release. I recently asked my dad to think about moving into a home and his response to me was "it will be a cold day in hell when I give up my life for any of yours". I asked him to please clean up his dishes off the table and put them in the sink..his reponse was "I enjoy watching you clean up after me besides my picking up my dishes constitutes me cleaning your house and I won't do it". HELP! I have to take antidepressants just to keep from crying all the time. How can I get my dad to understand? Is there somewhere he can live that would be considered an apartment not a nursing home? He has two dogs that I also take care of and he won't give up so that puts a damper on a lot of things. HELP! I am going to lose my mind...he gets mad if I don't stay at home to keep him company or I am gone too long. Recently needed to get a second job to make ends meet and was accused of taking it only because I didn't want to take care of him. Help.. I am desperate.
either its a rest home or the prison. his choice, give him 2 wks to organise it. if he isnt gone by then. you shall be taking legal action.
There are also elder daycare centers that he can go to so you can get a break. My dad is in Dialysis 3x's a week so that's when I do what I need to to. If he was a Vet you can get a CNA to come in for a few hours a week and get some 'me' or if you go to church or have friends that would be willing to help you don't say no that was my problem but I am learning.
It is good that you're reaching out. It does help to vent.
Get him a life line monitor of some kind and if you go out and God forbidshe falls or something it will contact 911 or any # that it is programmed to call.
If he's a Veteran ask them first about their programs for him and you! Go to the doctor he can help with some anxiety issues and a transition counselor.
Prayers help
Most importantly have you found peace with the fact that you are not responsible for his life?
Do come back and let us know how you are doing and what is working, we learn from one another and would love your input.
i would contact an elder social worker through the in an assist living place
Take time for you
This needs to stop otherwise you will be having other medical issues
Get to an support group for yourself
Sorry, just reread your post and see that he lives with you. I would still consult with Adult Services and ask if they can help. You need to get out of this situation. Tell them that you father is in danger because you might do him harm!
Do look into other situations for the both of you. I strongly recommend to look up your elder care agency. Mine is Elder Options, they have counselors & people you can talk too. If you don't have that try your Community Hospice for help and resources.
Enough is MORE than enough. If it were me, I'd be happy to move far far away and start my life over, fresh and new. You certainly deserve to. You've more than paid your dues to someone who's undeserving of your kindness for one more moment.
All the very best to you, dear woman
Stop doing for him. Just stop. He doesn't need to agree.
Have you found out how to start eviction proceedings?
Have you identified an Assisted Living facility?
Have you applied for Medicaid on his behalf?
Look, if he lives with you, you hold the cards. YOU get to say who resides in your home. Not him.
Why would you feel guilty? Have you done something wrong? Who is telling you that your mentally I'll parent is your responsibility? He's not!
Haven’t read answers so if I repeat I am sorry. Does your dad any medical reasons that effect his mental ability to be a kind human being, let alone a decent father to you? He has tons of physical issues that you and he are coping with.
Look, I think you have stated everything so clearly that other than asking about cognitive issues I don’t have any other questions for you.
You’ve stated that you have had enough. I don’t blame you one single bit. I’ve been mom’s primary caregiver for 14 years already. It’s really hard. How well I know.
I think you have done enough and if you place dad in a facility no one would judge you and if anyone does, so what! He has been your responsibility. not anyone else’s so they can’t possibly understand your situation.
I say, go for it! Place your dad in a facility. You’ve got a job, two in fact. Been there, done that. It’s really difficult. I have so much respect for you! You aren’t dependent on him. He is dependent on you, but hopefully not for too much longer!
Actually, you have three jobs! After placing dad you will go back down to two jobs and then hopefully back to one.
I wish you all the happiness in the world. Best of luck to you.