My malignant narcissistic dad passed away suddenly a few months ago and my mother has turned into a completely different person. I flew out to be w her the next day and coordinate everything as she was very much in shock and confused. Plan was to move her back near me ASAP but then Covid hit and we were stuck at my house with my husband. We have been together for 8 straight months and she has fought with me about everything possible. She is high risk for Covid so hubby and I had everything delivered, WFH and stopped seeing everyone to keep her safe. She looked at it as prison and said she had to tip-toe (when we were the ones that had to!)
She kept saying she wants to go home to Nevada so finally I brought her to her home and she keeps picking fights w me! Wants me to leave her here and go home but how can I when she is not thinking clearly and should not be out in Covid? She doesn’t know how to use a computer to order online or pay her bills (I do all that now) and won’t heed advice from family or Drs telling her it’s not safe. She just keeps going on and on about how I’m controlling her and how others are going shopping with masks so why can’t she? She was supposed to sell this house and move closer to me and now just wants me to leave her here alone with no friends, family or support within 3000 miles because she needs time alone. Has two cars and won’t sell one so it just sits. She’s gotten in my face and just says things under her breath and tonight she pushed me! The fights have been intense and when I tell her what she did, she denies and said I’m crazy and she never said those things. Today she tried telling me her had fireplace is different and wanted to throw away the rocks at the bottom. I told her it was like that and explained WHO could break in and change it while she was away? But that just made her more mad. I put my foot down saying no way she’s ruining it and it caused a giant fight all day and again at night. Screaming at me and crying. Saying her life is over and she has no one when I’ve given up my own life to try to pay her bills, pay off my fathers debts, work with lawyers, even talk to her drs about what’s happening. Even if I try to tell her that it’s not healthy to eat ice cream and cookies it’s me controlling her. I keep saying what am I getting out of it? She thinks I’m just trying to hurt her. I’m losing my mind at this point. Haven’t slept in months, lost 15 pounds and shake when she starts up. Now... she’s not herself— very forgetful, very depressed and she’s very angry (45 years of emotional and verbal abuse from my father) and I would give her my own beating heart if she needed so how can I leave her alone knowing she can’t take care of herself?
She wants me gone and says I’m the reason she’s confused, so as much as I need a moment to myself and want to honor her wishes, I’m so afraid to leave her here alone!? Any insight is appreciated. I’m tired and our relationship is at risk. :( I’m very worried about her and want her to pack up and move near my hubs and I but she says she is not ready. I’ve seen she cannot take care of a whole house and two cars and stay safe and sane in Covid and so it’s much harder for me to manage from thousands of miles away. On my last nerve here and don’t know what else to do. She doesn’t want help — sees it as controlling. Even if her idea is ridiculous and I’m trying to protect her, she just sees me as saying she’s stupid and incapable.