Between my son and me, we have cared for my mother for 13 years. I alone have been caring for her 11 years. Last weekend my brother and his wife came to visit my mother. I started to vent about taking full 24/7 care for her. Tears were flowing from my eyes while I took out my frustrations. On top of caring for my mother, I am babysitting my 8 year old grand daughter until school starts. I am at my boiling point overwhelmed with too much stress.
When I mention a nursing facility to my mother, she tells me I'm throwing her away. Then my temper festers and I say hateful things. Like why can't my brother and wife take on some responsibility? She does not like my brother's wife and refuses to visit them. I don't know how my brother thinks I can handle everything with my many health problems. They are well off financially and have 3 empty bedrooms in their home. I tried to remain neutral and calm but since they have left, I am miserable.
I have anxiety and major clinical depression as well as dealing with pain management issues with my back and being isolated in a small apartment has been very challenging. My brother makes up excuses and always uses the same argument that the drive is too long and difficult to do. I think I have more than paid my dues to my mother and that she should be more compliant with my desire to place her in a good facility. I try to be kind to my sibling but now I wish I could just drop her off on his door step and give him the opportunity to spend time helping her as I have been doing. I really don't know what to do as I have been crying uncontrollably since they left to return to their home.
I am in the same situation. I have a sister and 2 brothers. Need to fine
a caregiver to come in or a daycare during day to help and give you a break. If mom can't get Medicaid to help pay for a caregiver or day daycare then let you brother pay. If he don't do that then stipulate he
Come get her. You gotta get a break, although it's stressful daily.
Mom should not put a guilt trip on
you about the nursing home. Find
something you enjoy and take time
For self to relax yourself. You in
control of your actions. All how you deal with your emotions. Stress adds to your sickness. You
take care of you first. Once you accept things as they are you will fill a lot better. I do a lot of praying.
Reading my bible brings calming.
There is a crown waiting for you.
You will receive blessing abundantly. Psalm is a good book
To read.
I have 3 brothers that did essentially nothing. The only real piece of help I did receive was when my older brother said, "It is time to give her care to the professionals." the "professionals" being Assisted Living. With all the guilt etc., mother tried to throw my way. This was for the best.
In addition I found that seeing a Therapist for myself also helped. Look around and find someone who deals with the caretakers of today. Mine is great and I have learned a lot about my self in general and my struggles as a caretaker. Good luck. It sound to me as If you have MORE than Paid Your Dues.
Call your brother and tell him you can no longer do this. Either they take your mom or she will have to be placed in a facility. See what he says.
Then DO IT.