I’d like to thank you in advance for listening and providing advice.
3 months ago my Mother in Law -59 years old (who then lived in Chicago) had a psychiatric episode which left her unable to follow simple directions, communicate, bath and sometimes feed herself. At that time we made the decision to move her to where we reside (Milwaukee, WI).
Initially she was in the hospital for 3 weeks and was released into our care. At home she was doing well (for her) and we felt optimistic. During this time, she was in a day program for mental health and seeing doctors regularly. 5-6 weeks later the doctor unexpectedly took her off Ativan and we saw a quick decline, causing her to be readmitted into the psychiatric hospital for a month.
At the hospital they are bathing her, cutting her food and have her in a soft food diet (due to her choking for unexplained reasons-a throat study was done). The hospital is now pushing for discharge and we are not comfortable bringing her home (we have a baby due in 8 weeks, 2 year old, and 15 year old and both work Full time and live in a 1200 square foot house and do not feel like we can safely or conveniently take care of her given our other responsibilities, especially because she can’t be left alone it sounds like.
We have seen her go through ups and downs (sometimes shaky and nervous sometimes great, communicating and seeming somewhat independent. For example, yesterday she ate, was happy and communicated well and even asked if her SSDI check came. We prepped her that she couldn’t come home with us (she didn’t like this because she’d like to stay with us for free) and that in the morning someone would be coming to assess her for housing. The next day, she woke up, showered and went to her group therapy. An hour later, the group home assessor came and she refused to get out of bed, slurred her words and couldn’t answer simple questions. Needless to say, this was the 2nd group home that denied her. I then called the nurse and tech and they said she was fine, telling them what she needs help with and making requests. After the assessor left, she went to group and ate lunch.
I talked to 5-6 nursing homes who won’t take her because of the mental health.
At this stage, it looks like we will have to bring her home, attempt to stabilize her and and attempt to get her housing, but we are not sure if that’s in the foreseeable future.
Has as anyone dealt with being denied housing for a mental health condition and if so, what solution(s) did you find? P.S. we have multiple case workers through crisis management, elderly and disabled and a Community Care program that are not being helpful.
Whoops!!!! Just read below and came in to edit this. So glad that something was found. This is a continual problem. I know. There is someone with mental illness in my family, and my closest neighbor has dealt with this "system" for the last 25 years I have lived here, with her son. So it is tough, tough, tough going. Wishing you all the luck in the world. You are going to need to be SAVVY and to play the system for all it is worth. Those who buckle under will be run right over. Wishing you so much luck going forward.
Keep up the good work.
As of today we got word that the new case worker is working to find housing for my MIL. Luckily she has said that the hospital is not pushing discharge (but we shall see closer to Friday). Hopefully the case work can find her at least respite care until we can move her to a permanent facility because as many of you have stated, if she’s not fit for crisis care how are we supposed to manage her care!).
Of course your husband is upset and thinks she’s homeless. You’ve got to be the voice of reason here and try to make him understand that she needs a level of care that cannot be provided by him, or you. It cannot be provided in your home either.
Tell you hubby that as difficult as it is, it is so much better to provide a safe, loving environment for his children.
Your MILs actions show that she is manipulating the situation to get her own way, free room and board at your house. She isn't stupid and she will do whatever she can to get what she wants.
I am sorry that you are facing this challenge with a new blessing soon to arrive and the two you already enjoy.
Encourage your dear husband to do what he needs to do to ensure she gets a place to call home, that is not at your house. It is okay that you guys need to take care of your family first and not buy into her manipulation tactics. Keep telling him this until he believes it.
She isn't "homeless". She cannot be cared for in your home because that would not be a safe discharge. (Keep saying those words...unsafe discharge)..
You have not the capacity nor the obligation to care for her. Your first obligation is to the safety and care of your children.
Just say " no, we cant possibly house her."
in things for the last 3 months, calling over 70 different housing facilities of various levels, engaging with all case workers (she’s had about 4 intakes 1:1 plus follow up calls), managing applying for benefits, providing her transportation, touring facilities, researching day programs, however the case workers and hospitals almost use our involvement against us in a way because i think they know we won’t turn her away fully (although we’ve discussed the need to possibly need to do so if it means they will step up and help).
I am dead serious. Don’t do it.
Hospitals couldn’t stabilize her for long, and if they couldn’t, neither can you! This is not a job you are qualified to take on.... it’s not your job at all. She may never get truly stabilized. What will you do then?
It’s beyond unsafe and irresponsible to bring a mentally ill woman in a home with a two year old and a newborn! You are putting your whole family in danger if you do this.... and don’t think that CPS won’t remove all three kids in a second if they know you’ve put your kids in harm’s way, be it mental or physical, by bringing her to your home.
the hospital is she is not fit for the crisis housing they normally transition her to because of her daily care needs. We’ve asked how we are to care for her then and my husband was told “well she is your mother...”. Very frustrating as we really struggle saying she’s homeless and fear that if we will refuse discharge they will not offer her care in the future (unsure if this is a thing they can actually do).
Now we have been told by 2 organizations that she seems over medicated (they stopped Depetko and put her on lithium in addition to Haldol and Ativan) yet the therapist has told us that because we are not her guardian we do not have a say in her medication regimen.