Hospital forcing me to pick up mom with dementia.

I am glad you are seeking out a lawyer. You may own the home, but that is your mother's legal residence. Unless she has been declared incompetent, the hospital can discharge her back to he legal residence. Being diagnosed with Dementia or needing caregiving does not make someone incompetent. Actually, if she has been declared incompetent, you may be able to go the route of an unsafe discharge, due to you unable to care for her any longer. If she hasn't been declared incompetent, you will probably have to give her a 30 day notice to leave due to that being her legal residence. You may even have to resort to the eviction process. Your mother has been living with you all these years, paid the utilities and her mail going directly to that residence. You cannot legally deny her entrance to her residence even though you owe the home.

Is she the same as when she went into hospital?

If so, the hospital have no medical reasons to do other than return her to her pre-admission home. So the duty of care belongs to you.

If she is significantly worse that is different - the hospital have duty of care.

If it's time that Mom left your house (you sound like you are done & I get that) then take this on & get the advice you need to make it happen. That may be legal advice, financial advice, medical assessments & an elder care specialist to help locate the appropriate residence.

You could be overwhelmed (understandable!). Try not to panic, just research who can help you get to the end goal of Mother being cared for professionally. Best of luck.

You are required to be a good parent to your child more than you need to be a good daughter to your mother. If she has gotten violent with your child how can you even consider letting her back in your home.

One more thing, as Grace said, maybe tomorrow you can go out all day. Sherriff better not leave elderly person with dementia alone by herself. Wouldn't' he be putting an elderly person at risk then? Go to the hospital and meet with the supervisors. If they still don't help, talk to an attorney, APS, the police, whomever, but make it crystal clear you are unable to safely take care of Mom and she is an at risk adult if she is in your home.

Did you attempt a psychiatric admission/evaluation?
If she is “going after” your minor child, it sounds like she is a danger to herself and/or others.
Your child is entitled to a safe environment and it seems that you could be held liable for not providing that safe environment.
You and your husband should also be entitled to a safe environment.

Tiredmomma
I think it is a great time to go on vacation, at least until you can speak with an attorney Feb. 27. If the sheriff comes and no one answers the door, I guess they will have to return her to the hospital. It is my understanding that in my state folk do not qualify for medicaid if they are going to remain at home and they make over a certain amount of money but if they require a facility for care this does not apply if the cost of the facility is more than their monthly income. However, if they have assets (cash, vehicle, a house) over $2,000 they have to spend down to qualify for medicaid. It is amazing how family members are required to care for the elderly or be charged with elderly abuse but the elderly don't have to do anything that they don't want to do because they have rights. I hope that this works out well for you.

You tell the social worker at the hospital you are unable to provide a safe environment for your mother. You are unable to adequately tend to her needs and Mom needs a nursing home. Although Mom makes too much for community Medicaid, she would qualify for LTC Medicaid if she's medically needy. Is she able to do any activities of daily living by herself? If not she's medically needy. Tell the SW she needs to find suitable placement in a NH. Tell her your home is unsafe for her and she would be discharging to an unsafe environment. Maybe call APS yourself, if you are unable to care for Mom, they need to know. As usual I'm echoing what AlvaDeer is saying, please listen to her. You need to be strong, but if you cave in and I'm getting a sense you may, you may need to keep sending her to the ER as others have suggested.

No. They cannot. You can stay at the door and tell the sheriff that the hospital is doing an "unsafe discharge." Use that exact word. They are threatening you. Call the Social worker now and tell her that you are not "physically or mentally able to care for your mother at this time ." Tell her your mom will now require placement. Do not believe her when she starts with all the platitudes of "We can make this work; we will get you help. ' She cannot and will not do those things. Tell her that you will return her to the ER if they insist on leaving her with you, and that you will file for "unsafe discharge " and indangering an elder. You may need to go to court and ask for Court Appointed guardianship. Do know that once you do that you will have NO say on where she is placed and how any of her finances are spent; you will be out of the loop. Be sure to use "unsafe discharge" and for yourself "I am not mentally or physically able to care for my mother."

Lets try another route.. hospitals HATE readmissions these days, it "dings" their ratings and normally they have to pay the cost for a readmission within ( I think) 30 days. Why is she in the hospital? You have told them you feel it is unsafe for her to come home.. So if it is possible,, back she goes with the same problem ( say breathing difficulties, chest pain, whatever it was) Along with a lot of "I told you so "by you.. This may not work, we don't know why she was in the hospital.. but maybe? And I have seen Pts sent out by taxi,, but not the sheriff. He must have a light work load..

Unfortunately you are in a state that does not allow for qualified income/Miller trusts. However your state does have a medically needy pathway so your mom can spend down a portion of her monthly income on her health care & qualify for Medicaid.

I don't think they can force YOU to pick her up. Maybe. However, if your home is her official residence then , yeah . .legally that is her home and I would think they could discharge her there. 14 years is a long time. You can't just kick someone out. Who's paying the taxes, utilities, where does she receive her mail? blah blah blah. In the eyes of the law - that home is her residency. She is either a tenant, or she is the owner/occupier.

So now the question is - is it HER propperty? Or yours? If yours - legally, you would have to find a way to evict her - legally. I stress legally.

If it's her property - then perhaps you should move and let her back into her own house and let the chips fall where they may. IF your mom is still considered 'competent' . . she could evict you if she wanted (I'm not saying that would happen - but just to illustrate my point of residency)

You don't say if you have POA, Guardianship? or if there is a living trust involved - or whatever.

Perhaps its time to HIRE a caregiver?

For the sake of Hospital discharge . keep in mind -who REALLY has the right to live there (whether it's safe for her or not).

My mom lives in her house (totally unsafe for her to continue to live there) - but its her house. And I have no control over her at this point in our lives. I'm sure there will be a day I will be able to get control and move her to a safer and more financially feasible situation. But we're not there yet. Probably need a handful of more trips to ER and such - could be months . .could be years. She is 89, and a very stubborn and determined 89 at that. The LTC she was in discharged her a couple weeks ago - but they made her arrange for 24/7 caregiving in order to let her back into her own house.

It's possible the hospital sees YOU as the official caregiver and - I do believe they have a right to discharge her to her own home/residence of 14 years and you have been there as her caregiver for 14 years.

If you don't accept her - she can get you for elder abuse I bet. Just sayin. Watch out.

Tell them it is an unsafe discharge. Refuse to pick her up

Get an attorney to help you. Tell them it's not safe, and you will sue if they keep bothering you.

I doubt they can deliver her by sheriff, unless you live in the house she owns.  You need an eldercare attorney as soon as possible.  If she cannot afford a facility, many states will allow a trust such that the state or the facility gets all her income and she gets into a facility.

Just tell them it is not safe for her at your house