Follow
Share

I have been caring for mom for 14 years now, however, it is becoming dangerous for her and my family. She is denied Medicaid. Makes too much money. The immediate issue is that the hospital is releasing her and when I told them she cannot come back here, they said either I pick her up or they will deliver her by sheriff. Can they do that?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
1 2 3 4
I doubt they can deliver her by sheriff, unless you live in the house she owns.  You need an eldercare attorney as soon as possible.  If she cannot afford a facility, many states will allow a trust such that the state or the facility gets all her income and she gets into a facility.

Just tell them it is not safe for her at your house
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
Thank you. I did tell them it is unsafe for her and my family. We will see as they said tomm. the sheriff will bring her home. I own the house with my husband. Mom never owned anything. Unstable upbringing as she married two abusive alcoholics and never owned a home. How can my mom have so much say in my life. A life I have given up long enough to care for her. My child deserves a clear and present mom. My husband deserves a wife who is not always cranky. I want to hang out with my family. We haven't taken a real family vacation in literally years. I am 55. Do I not deserve a life now. So sad. Siblings don't care.
(12)
Report
Get an attorney to help you. Tell them it's not safe, and you will sue if they keep bothering you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
Hello-Thank you. I actually have an appt. on 2/27 with one. I am tired of the hospital threating me. I feel so exhausted. I have been a good daughter but just do not understand how I can be forced to care for her over my own family.
(9)
Report
Tell them it is an unsafe discharge. Refuse to pick her up
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
I did. They said the will deliver her by a sheriff. I realize I have provided her a roof over her head for 14 years, but isn't that what a good daughter should do. I just have nothing left to give.
(8)
Report
I don't think they can force YOU to pick her up. Maybe. However, if your home is her official residence then , yeah . .legally that is her home and I would think they could discharge her there. 14 years is a long time. You can't just kick someone out. Who's paying the taxes, utilities, where does she receive her mail? blah blah blah. In the eyes of the law - that home is her residency. She is either a tenant, or she is the owner/occupier.

So now the question is - is it HER propperty? Or yours? If yours - legally, you would have to find a way to evict her - legally. I stress legally.

If it's her property - then perhaps you should move and let her back into her own house and let the chips fall where they may. IF your mom is still considered 'competent' . . she could evict you if she wanted (I'm not saying that would happen - but just to illustrate my point of residency)

You don't say if you have POA, Guardianship? or if there is a living trust involved - or whatever.

Perhaps its time to HIRE a caregiver?

For the sake of Hospital discharge . keep in mind -who REALLY has the right to live there (whether it's safe for her or not).

My mom lives in her house (totally unsafe for her to continue to live there) - but its her house. And I have no control over her at this point in our lives. I'm sure there will be a day I will be able to get control and move her to a safer and more financially feasible situation. But we're not there yet. Probably need a handful of more trips to ER and such - could be months . .could be years. She is 89, and a very stubborn and determined 89 at that. The LTC she was in discharged her a couple weeks ago - but they made her arrange for 24/7 caregiving in order to let her back into her own house.

It's possible the hospital sees YOU as the official caregiver and - I do believe they have a right to discharge her to her own home/residence of 14 years and you have been there as her caregiver for 14 years.

If you don't accept her - she can get you for elder abuse I bet. Just sayin. Watch out.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
Hello-The home is mine and my husbands. I think we have a right to live there. My mom never owned a home. I have watched out for her my whole adult life. The last 14 were under my roof as that is when she was diagnosed with the dementia. She paid utilities and that is it. She is a danger to my family and herself at this point. I have a minor child. I love my mom but have given all I have to give at this point. I have two sisters and shamefully no one wants to help. I have violent videos of her going after my youngest daughter swinging household objects at her. If this continues I feel as though I will have a heart attack or stroke. I keep missing my high blood pressure medicine as I have to keep it hidden because she took it once. So out of sight, out of mind. I forget to take it. Isn't it time for me and my family to learn to live with normalcy again. I had an unstable upbringing, and made a stable life for myself and once again the constant arguments with my sisters are taking my life over. Why should I be the only sibling forced to continue care. This is all so sad.
(11)
Report
See 1 more reply
Unfortunately you are in a state that does not allow for qualified income/Miller trusts. However your state does have a medically needy pathway so your mom can spend down a portion of her monthly income on her health care & qualify for Medicaid.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
Hello-Thank you that sounds promising. Do you know what a "medically needy pathway is"? I have an appt. with my attorney on 2/27. Maybe he can help me with that. Thanks again!
(2)
Report
See 4 more replies
Lets try another route.. hospitals HATE readmissions these days, it "dings" their ratings and normally they have to pay the cost for a readmission within ( I think) 30 days. Why is she in the hospital? You have told them you feel it is unsafe for her to come home.. So if it is possible,, back she goes with the same problem ( say breathing difficulties, chest pain, whatever it was) Along with a lot of "I told you so "by you.. This may not work, we don't know why she was in the hospital.. but maybe? And I have seen Pts sent out by taxi,, but not the sheriff. He must have a light work load..
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

No. They cannot. You can stay at the door and tell the sheriff that the hospital is doing an "unsafe discharge." Use that exact word. They are threatening you. Call the Social worker now and tell her that you are not "physically or mentally able to care for your mother at this time ." Tell her your mom will now require placement. Do not believe her when she starts with all the platitudes of "We can make this work; we will get you help. ' She cannot and will not do those things. Tell her that you will return her to the ER if they insist on leaving her with you, and that you will file for "unsafe discharge " and indangering an elder. You may need to go to court and ask for Court Appointed guardianship. Do know that once you do that you will have NO say on where she is placed and how any of her finances are spent; you will be out of the loop. Be sure to use "unsafe discharge" and for yourself "I am not mentally or physically able to care for my mother."
Helpful Answer (26)
Report
Mysteryshopper Feb 2020
Absolutely correct. People who promise to find you support often cannot or do not follow through - regardless of their sincerity. And, none of those people offering "solutions" will be there when the seriousness of the situation sets in that an unsafe person was discharged and YOU are now responsible for them! Please use extreme caution when someone (social worker, doctor, nurse, etc) suggests they know more about your situation than you do!! Two more phrases which might be useful would be these: "My schedule has changed and I am no longer available to provide ongoing care" and "Mom has nowhere to go and I am wishing to discuss realistic living arrangements."
(11)
Report
You tell the social worker at the hospital you are unable to provide a safe environment for your mother. You are unable to adequately tend to her needs and Mom needs a nursing home. Although Mom makes too much for community Medicaid, she would qualify for LTC Medicaid if she's medically needy. Is she able to do any activities of daily living by herself? If not she's medically needy. Tell the SW she needs to find suitable placement in a NH. Tell her your home is unsafe for her and she would be discharging to an unsafe environment. Maybe call APS yourself, if you are unable to care for Mom, they need to know. As usual I'm echoing what AlvaDeer is saying, please listen to her. You need to be strong, but if you cave in and I'm getting a sense you may, you may need to keep sending her to the ER as others have suggested.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Tiredmomma
I think it is a great time to go on vacation, at least until you can speak with an attorney Feb. 27. If the sheriff comes and no one answers the door, I guess they will have to return her to the hospital. It is my understanding that in my state folk do not qualify for medicaid if they are going to remain at home and they make over a certain amount of money but if they require a facility for care this does not apply if the cost of the facility is more than their monthly income. However, if they have assets (cash, vehicle, a house) over $2,000 they have to spend down to qualify for medicaid. It is amazing how family members are required to care for the elderly or be charged with elderly abuse but the elderly don't have to do anything that they don't want to do because they have rights. I hope that this works out well for you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
gdaughter Feb 2020
But this is mom's residence they have said, and so she may have a key...so she would potentially be there unattended to, which is an unsafe discharge if the family is on vacation...
(0)
Report
Did you attempt a psychiatric admission/evaluation?
If she is “going after” your minor child, it sounds like she is a danger to herself and/or others.
Your child is entitled to a safe environment and it seems that you could be held liable for not providing that safe environment.
You and your husband should also be entitled to a safe environment.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
Yes-the last 2 1/2 weeks she has been in for that exact evaluation. I have been told nothing about the treatment plan or any new meds. she may be on. That cannot be safe? I called Adult Protection as I am putting my child first. I am her mother. No negotiating on where my responsibility lies.
(8)
Report
One more thing, as Grace said, maybe tomorrow you can go out all day. Sherriff better not leave elderly person with dementia alone by herself. Wouldn't' he be putting an elderly person at risk then? Go to the hospital and meet with the supervisors. If they still don't help, talk to an attorney, APS, the police, whomever, but make it crystal clear you are unable to safely take care of Mom and she is an at risk adult if she is in your home.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
Thank you. I am trying. My cooler head (emotions aside) are telling me to accept mom back into my home if the sheriff shows up. She was sent to a hospital 3 hours away for psych evaluation in geriatrics. I am seeing my attorney next week. He told me in meantime to call Adult Protection Service. They are going to get back to me today but said I might need to do a guardianship and give said guardianship to the state. That hospital has told me nothing of the treatment plan they did with her or what meds. she may be on. So releasing her to someone who knows nothing about her last 2 1/2 week stay is ok with them? Do they have any responsibility at all. No one wants to deal with the elderly. So sad.
(5)
Report
See 1 more reply
You are required to be a good parent to your child more than you need to be a good daughter to your mother. If she has gotten violent with your child how can you even consider letting her back in your home.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Is she the same as when she went into hospital?

If so, the hospital have no medical reasons to do other than return her to her pre-admission home. So the duty of care belongs to you.

If she is significantly worse that is different - the hospital have duty of care.

If it's time that Mom left your house (you sound like you are done & I get that) then take this on & get the advice you need to make it happen. That may be legal advice, financial advice, medical assessments & an elder care specialist to help locate the appropriate residence.

You could be overwhelmed (understandable!). Try not to panic, just research who can help you get to the end goal of Mother being cared for professionally. Best of luck.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
mstrbill Feb 2020
Not completely accurate. Hospital Health and Social Services must also determine and be satisfied that the discharge would be safe, that appropriate care would be in place for the patient where they discharge to. If they discharge to an unsafe environment, they risk a major lawsuit. If OP no longer has the ability or help in place to care for Mom appropriately then hospital should not discharge back home. Any good Elder attorney would support OP, but she doesn't have to hire one if she's strong enough to stand up to the hospital and make clear that her home is no longer safe.
(5)
Report
See 1 more reply
I am glad you are seeking out a lawyer. You may own the home, but that is your mother's legal residence. Unless she has been declared incompetent, the hospital can discharge her back to he legal residence. Being diagnosed with Dementia or needing caregiving does not make someone incompetent. Actually, if she has been declared incompetent, you may be able to go the route of an unsafe discharge, due to you unable to care for her any longer. If she hasn't been declared incompetent, you will probably have to give her a 30 day notice to leave due to that being her legal residence. You may even have to resort to the eviction process. Your mother has been living with you all these years, paid the utilities and her mail going directly to that residence. You cannot legally deny her entrance to her residence even though you owe the home.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
I am not sure you understand what these final stages of dementia are. No she is not competent. I could never give her a 30 day notices. She can't understand signing her name. She can't understand how to use a phone. She can't understand how to go the bathroom by herself most of the time. Her care is out of my capabilities. She and we need to be safe. Dementia violence is not safe. She gets a demonic voice and growls at us. That scares my minor child. How can I be forced to allow this. I must protect my child at all costs. I am her mother and she is my first priority.
(14)
Report
See 1 more reply
sorry about that. wishes to your mom
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I have to think that the unsafe discharge COUPLED with the very aggressive, documented behavior toward a minor in YOUR home has to count for something. I would stay very calm but speak to social worker’s boss in the morning and get a call in to your attorney. Even if you don’t have one right now, maybe find one...

You keep saying...

She has dementia WITH behaviors (this is a medical term that should indicate to anyone who works in geriatrics, etc that the dementia has a danger component to it) that are escalating. Not only would she not be safe in YOUR home, you do not feel safe. As much as you love her, you cannot allow someone to come back in who has demonstrated such aggression to your child. And then go up the hospital food chain... say you have put a call in to an attorney as this staff member appears to be trying to strong arm you. Tell the next level up that you have told this person repeatedly that you will not accept responsibility for someone who needs far more care than you can provide because it would be unsafe for your mother, that you have made it clear that you can no longer continue to have the patient stay with you because of the DANGER they present to your MINOR children. That no one will be allowed to force their way into your home... you have been kindly allowing her to stay there, but between her increased needs and aggression to you and your minor children, it is no longer an option.

I might throw in that you are concerned that this facility may not realize it has employees that are possibly not trained well enough for their positions to be able to engage and assist their patients without resorting to threats. That could leave the hospital very vulnerable to lawsuits.

You would much prefer to work with the hospital (they through their contacts) to help get your mother settled into an APPROPRIATE environment. This should not be something they are unequipped to help with.

After you have been firm, reiterate that you both have the same goal, that mother is discharged to an appropriate environment that is safe for her and those around her. How do we work toward that goal?

You want to look reasonable, logical and calm to the hospital, the sheriff and the attorney you end up using. The hospital should be in a defensive position, not you.

The eviction type thing could be an issue, but keep reinforcing unsafe discharge and danger to minors. And keep your house unavailable to anyone trying to bring her back to stay with you.

I hope someone responds with more firsthand knowledge... I just wanted to throw out some language that might get results for you BEFORE something major happens. Best wishes.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

Yes, hospitals can force a discharge, usually the hospital will stop the discharge if the family claims that the home = an unsafe discharge. The words Unsafe Discharge should stop an immediate discharge. U.S. hospitals usually prefer to discharge a patient into competent care, which in your case, you're saying is NOT her home.To where were you thinking your mother would go, after her discharge? Have you considered an SNF, a Skilled Nursing Facility?

It sounds like you need to talk to the social worker on her floor to begin the process of entering your mother into a Skilled Nursing Facility. Which could result in a discharge directly into a SNF, nursing home

You will need to Liquidate her assets to pay for the SNF. You goal is to work with a social worker to locate a Skilled nursing Facility for your mother; the SNF will send someone to meet with your mother at the hospital, and you can visit, the facility. For future considerations try to choose a Medicaid facility, eventually she will run out of funds, and will need Medicaid, which is technically how everyone ends-up, in the U.S.

At this point you must clarify that your home is an "unsafe discharge," therefore you need to start, now.

We had an out-of-state family arrange the discharge of a 49 yr old pt., into a SNF. The mother of the pt. was in constant contact with the social worker on the 4th Floor (acute care floor), the mother refused to visit the patient., during the 5-week hospitalization . Nobody in that family appeared in the hospital, the patient., had a lot of friends visit, but zero family. It was a awful situation to witness.

OR, you can pay for Home Based Care Services, which equates to your mother being discharged back into your home. HBCS are services advertised on television as alternatives to Skilled Nursing Facilities. You have options.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 2020
Did the mom not visit so that she wouldn’t be pressured into taking her home?
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
I had mom in my home for 15 years so I totally get your exhaustion! My mom has Parkinson’s disease. I am no longer her caregiver. She is with my brother and sister in law.

I am so sorry that you are struggling with this situation. A friend of mine recently died. He had colon cancer and a stroke. He was being treated for his cancer. He had a stroke, was very confused afterwards and wrecked his car. Poor guy did not even realize he had been in an accident.

He was single with no living relatives except for a nephew that he didn’t have a relationship with. Anyway, he was supposed to meet us one night at a mutual friend’s house and didn’t show up. It was very unlike him not to meet us so we went to his apartment to check on him. He was disoriented and we called 911 to take him to the hospital.

The hospital ran test and we learned about him having a stroke. He told the doctor to communicate with us because he had no family. We had access to his medical records.

His doctor said he could not live alone ever again, no more treatment for cancer, and pressured us to become his POA, we refused not wanting the responsibility.

He knew that he could not come live with us. We told his doctor there was no one for him to live with and he needed to be in a nursing home. They admitted him in the home. He died about two weeks later.

I wonder if that would happen in your case, if no one will accept her then they will not have a choice but to find placement. My friend was already on Medicaid. There was no spending down for him.

I would tell them that she isn’t able to be left alone and you are not available to house her any longer. Sad but true. Tough spot for you. I would do all that I could to avoid her coming back to my house.

Does she have a key to your home? You could change the locks if she does. Someone suggested that you go on a trip. Why not? Yes, inconvenient but might not be a bad idea. Even checking into a local hotel for awhile if you have to, or one of those extended stay places that are available.

My friend who is a nurse says they send patients home in a taxi all the time. I have not heard of a sheriff escorting someone.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

It's interesting, all the replies coming in. Hot topic no doubt.

Go slow on this. Think things through. Only YOU know all of the pieces of the puzzle. With that said:

Your mom is her own person - that is if you don't have guardianship. Even with POA - you are in a sticky spot.

Unsafe discharge?? Really?

Let's look at 'Reasonable Expectation'. Your mom has a reasonable expectation at this point that YOU are her caregiver - you have been for 14 years. She also has a reasonable expectation that she live/resides legally under your roof. That is a reasonable expectation. Your HOME has been HER home for 14 years. Techinicaly she is a tenant under your roof. You just can't throw her out in a matter of one hospital stay if she recovers ok. Hard pill to swallow eh? I'm sure that is why the Hospital is ok with discharge with the sheriff in tow. They know what her reasonable expectation is and HER legal standing. Don't think for one second that they don't have a lawyer weighing this out. (don't forget . . you're mom tells all with the docs and nurses!)

Think again with 'unsafe discharge'. Your mom is depending on you. She has been for the last 14 years. You're going to shut her down - just like that! ? The hospital is seeing - safe discharge - been that way for 14 years.

so. .

Put yourself in her shoes. Then try and work together and get a solution that works for the family.

Yeah right. Easier said then done.

I'm not siding with your mom or you. I'm simply pointing out you need to be careful how you proceed with HER LIFE while protecting you and your family at the same time.

It's clear that she needs to be in AL or MC or whatever - Send her there, with love and dignity, or force . . .but do it legally.

I take your dilemma seriously and to heart. If it were me . .I would try and keep the sheriff and the hospital's lawyers out of it. Get with your lawyer - find a way to move her out of your home and into a safer nurturing place that she can call her 'new home'.

Just my opinion of course. Good Luck.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Tothill Feb 2020
Blue24, there is the real possibility that this family is at risk from the mother, she has attacked her granddaughter.
(15)
Report
See 4 more replies
Think about bringing her home for a bit, and in the meantime, seriously look for a board and care, Assisted Living in your area. I wanted mine geriatrics very close to me, within 5 miles, nothing farther. Ask a social worker if they have any places for Mom. One geriatric was being released from the nursing home after falling and breaking her hip at an assisted living place. She forgot her walker. When the social worker said her time was up, the 30 day period, I had to find a place fast. I did, and they were shocked. So, it is possible you can find a place. Look into it, crunch the numbers, from what it sound like, this is most important, how she can afford it.
It will work out, one way or the other.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
She can't afford it. I actually am in the middle of selling my big house to downsize to a smaller one because my sister's and I agreed to share finances and pay out of pocket. So, here I am in smaller house with no bedroom for mom and my sisters backed out of deal. One sister has a spare bedroom and all mom's belongings at this point. Supposedly if I can find SNF that has a memory care unit then Medicaid will pay. So I am looking but no luck yet. Maybe attorney can tell me how to make mom's income look like less. She brings home $1400 a month and according to Medicaid that is too much. Memory care starts at $4000 a month.
(2)
Report
Bottom line, you have your reasons for not wanting her back in your home. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty about not wanting her back. You have given her more time than many others would or could have.

I feel your pain! I cared for my my mom for 15 years in my house and I would never want to go through that again. It’s too difficult. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care. We can look for other arrangements for their care. It only means that extensive care by one person wears us out! We become exhausted and burn out. How can we care for others if we are spent!
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
Exactly! Thank you!
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
I agree with the ones in this thread that say to tell the hospital that she is an unsafe discharge. She is a danger to your minor child.

"I have violent videos of her going after my youngest daughter swinging household objects at her. If this continues I feel as though I will have a heart attack or stroke."

YOU and YOUR family matter here. You very well COULD have a heart attack or stroke, with untreated high bp. PLEASE refuse to take her back to your home. Make sure the hospital knows what she did to your child.

And please keep us updated!!! I wish you had your appointment with the attorney before 2/27.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
Thank you for understanding. I feel like at every turn my family just does not matter to anyone. Mom was getting up every night yelling my name all night long. Banging on bedroom doors. My husband is a truck driver who gets up at 3am, He needs his sleep! So dangerous. I do not work, so if something happens to my husband there will be no way for me to provide anything for my mom. I wish I had my appointment sooner as well. He did say when I called yesterday in a panic to get Adult Protection involved. So I did. I will be happy to keep you updated. Again, thank you so much!
(8)
Report
No. Tell them she is an unsafe discharge and you cannot provide the appropriate and needed level of care. She is a danger to herself and others. Call APS they will help. The hospital is responsible for finding her someplace that will provide the care she needs.

Not just any attorney. Call and elder law attorney now, you need help now this is an emergency.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
You know, I have used the term "unsafe discharge" in every conversation, They just don't seem to care. I go to an attorney next week and will find out any lawful way to get mom placed.
(5)
Report
Not just any attorney and not on the 27th. You need help and advice now!

https://nelf.org

Elder Law foundation.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
Thanks so much. I did call an Elder Law attorney and they said to get Adult Protection Services involved.
(11)
Report
You mentioned that you have an Elder Law Attoney consultation scheduled for 2/27. Contact them and let them know an urgent situation has occurred. In my experience, they may try to work out something sooner.

Unfortunately, these types of situations are becoming increasingly common. There was a story this week that a N.C. NH discharged an elderly man with only 25 mins notice to his daughter due to nonpayment by insurance. They called her and told her to pick him up in 25 minutes. She was at work and unable to leave and explained that it was not possible. So, the NH arranged for wheelchair transport which left the disabled senior in front of her house. She found him crying and screaming and soaking wet from a passing storm upon her return home. They never notified her that they were transporting him. The medical system hasn’t been about people or caring for a long time. The best way to protect yourself is to have a lawyer because finding someone to help or intervene on your behalf is nearly impossible.

In the eyes of the law, your home is her home. She has had legal tenancy for over a decade. Worst case scenario, she returns...any time she is violent or displays a threat to herself or you and your family, call 911. Get video of each episode. It is possible to have her removed from the home for an involuntary psych admission. At that point you may have more leverage in refusing her return.

In my case, I had a very similar experience with my aunt with dementia. She lived in my home with my children and I but became increasingly angry and violent. One day she struck my daughter. I contacted every NH within 30 miles and was fortunate enough to find one that would take her. She was out of my house within 24 hrs. I packed some things and delivered her myself. The attorney was able to get her on Medicaid through legal spend down of assets, etc. It was awful so I appreciate what you’re experiencing. No one else in the family would step up and they in fact, made it more difficult.

Sending you strength and courage to get through this. Keep us updated.
Helpful Answer (13)
Report
Tiredmomma Feb 2020
Thank you so much for your response. What is going on with the elderly in this country is shameful and horrifying. I appreciate all your advice. I have contacted adult protection services and explained everything. A social worker is supposed to be calling me back. They said I may need to go through the whole process of giving a guardianship to the state. Again, thank you,
(8)
Report
See 1 more reply
I would call the sheriff's office today to see if this is really going to happen. I cannot imagine that the sheriff's office makes themselves available to deliver people discharged from the hospital. So I would start there. And make it clear to the sheriff that you are no longer able to care for her and you will not be home when she arrives. Does she have a key or a way to get in the house ? I would call the attorney you have the appt with and ask what to do, And call the hospital administrator today as well to advise that you are being threatened. this is really absurd. Please keep us informed of how this goes.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Cricket74 Feb 2020
They did this exact thing to my mom. They threatened to call the police and dhr on me if I didn't pick mom up. Told them she could not come back here to my house, they sent her to my home in a yellow cab after 11pm . I was infuriated
(2)
Report
Tiredmomma, Who is the person who is telling you your mother will be taken back to your house by the sheriff? This doesn't sound right to me. Since when does law enforcement provide transportation from the hospital?

I would call that person, and tell them you are recording the call (and do so). State the date, your name, your mother's name, the name of the hospital and ask that person to state their name. Inform that a copy of the recording will be going to your lawyers office.

Then proceed to tell them your mother can not be safely discharged to your home and that she has been violent in your home. Any push back and just state again- this is not a safe discharge to my residence at (say your address) for (mother's name).

If they keep pushing, repeat above and then say that is all you have to say and end the call.

See if that changes anything.
Helpful Answer (12)
Report

Tired, does your state not allow for Pooled Income Trusts to get your mom's income under the Medicaid limit?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
worriedinCali Feb 2020
Barb, I posted below that her state is not one of the 24 that allows income trusts. They do however have a medically needy pathway where excess income is considered the “share of cost” and it is spend down down monthly on the persons care thus lowering their income to be eligible for Medicaid. OP is in NC
(3)
Report
I would seriously consider contacting the local news outlets if the hospital follows through and sends her home by sheriff. Its just not right. If they do send her home please don't hesitate to call 911 at the first opportunity. And keep calling APS, make it clear they need to take emergency guardianship. I'm sorry you're going through this, I was in a similar situation but fortunately my hospital did the right thing.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Tiredmomma, please don't bow out. I'm responding to your latest post responding to Blue. Most of us here DO understand. I certainly do, and I agree there is something wrong in our system and there is a big hole that some people who do not have financial resources fall into that nobody has a good solution to. I went through it. The Doctors don't help nor do the nurses nor do they give any guidance or advice that solves the issue. OP means original poster, I used it here as shorthand to refer to you. I hope you can take the constructive advice given here and put it to action, most of us do really care and understand and post here to help people in situations like yours.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report
Mysteryshopper Feb 2020
So very true. We're lucky if we get: "She's being discharged and someone will call you next week to see how she's doing." Granted some homegoing plans are a little more detailed than that, but most of the situations on this site require something very precise and comprehensive. There is no one to provide that type of information and support. People who say they will get you help often simply disappear in the chaos. There is usually no one who honestly understands the totality of the situation or who has both the time and compassion to fully process it. Families are left to sort it out and hope for the best.
(6)
Report
1 2 3 4
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter