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A hospice nurse was in to see mom last week, and has since tested positive. Now my husband (who is an essential worker) is afraid for his job, and is insisting that I stop going over to help. They cannot be alone, and everyone is stressed out and working as much as they can. I don't feel like I can not go over, they need me to help mom get fed and trips to the bathroom and ready for bed. How should I delicately handle this? I feel as if I have to choose between my parents and my husband. He has been very understanding for the most part until now.

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Everyone who has had contact with the Hospice nurse must remain in quarantine.
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You parents need to be in quarantine. They cannot be in contact with you or anyone else, until they test negative or the 2 weeks is up. There is no other safe recourse. If you get sick, who will take care of them then? This is in addition to the risk to your husband and anyone else who lives with you. Contact the hospice providers and figure out how to get them care while they are in quarantine. You may have to hire specially trained caregivers with high grade protective gear. After they are cleared for contact, move your parents to AL. If they need constant care they should be in an environment that will provide it, not dependent on outside support.
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pamzimmrrt Jun 2020
Oh yes, lets move the parents to Al,, where all the numbers are higher, and most of the deaths in my area have come from, and are still happening. And how do the hospice workers get "high grade protective gear" when we front line workers can not get it? I feel like since she has already been possibly exposed she may want to stay with them for the time being. And get a break from her husband
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Raw garlic is a powerful antiviral. Take a big teaspoon of fresh crushed garlic (swallow it down like a pill..then follow with plenty of water) before breakfast and lunch. Include some raw greens eg baby spinach leaves, sprouts etc with each meal. This will boost your immunity tremendously. Google "medical studies on the efficacy of garlic as an antiviral". You will find some very impressive studies. It would be of benefit to your mother and your husband also. Garlic can, in very sensitive people cause a little gas. Having a healthy meal within 10mins after taking it is important. And a few digestive enzymes taken with the meal...or Apple cider vinegar with honey & a dash of warm water will cut any gas. Garlic is a wholesome food. It has many many health benefits, and no side effects (despite what any website may say)
Your husband is in fear. And it is irrational. The solution to fear is .1. knowledge and .2. Love. The medical studies (studies from pubmed which will come up on the search are written in simple terms, so he can read & understand them also)
You only get one Mother per lifetime. Enjoy her love & kindness while she is here
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PAlynn,
I understand your need to care for your parents. God bless you for being there!
I also know it's a lot to ask of your husband, but is it feasible for you to stay with them during the incubation period?
It might make sense if you've been with them after the Covid positive caregiver was.
Hang in there!!
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Jeffi1952 Jun 2020
What about her husband, she was with him since being with her parents ,he is an essential worker and has to tell his employer, he may as well quarantine and go with her to her parents, not to mention anyone who has been in contact with any of them. I feel bad for them, but as an essential worker, he needs to man up now !!!!!
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I would call my dr & ask ...get someone else who is tested negative ...you can let them into the house but you leave ...if you came into contact with hospice nurse...whoever comes to mom’s house should wear mask 😷. You should not have to choose. Wash hands often. & make sure mom does too. Hugs 🤗
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Excuse me. EXCUSE ME! You should be completely isolated from your parents, your husband and everyone else for at least 2 weeks then you go get tested and stay isolated til you get results. What don’t you understand about this virus??? . I’m floored. This is how the virus spreads. People can carry this virus with NO symptoms and spread it.
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Jeffi1952 Jun 2020
Agreed completely. She is not informed. Corona is a killer. Ignorance is why we are in this mess. How can anyone not know, it dominates TV, radio, not to mention all the masks, everyone looks like The Lone Ranger running around . If anyone can remember the good old days. No disrespect to anyone, but wise up people. God Bless all.
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You have to do the personal care that the hospice aid does not do. Hospice has volunteers,but they just do limited social visits so the caregiver can meet needs.
Medicare pays for you to get respite care to give you a break. A nursing facility wont take her till a 14 day is past. It sounds like your "it". Protect yourself and tell your husband, you gotta do it.
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If you don't have children dependent on you, is it possible for you to stay with them if that's what you are feeling and thinking? Yes, you were in the nurse's presence. Were you socially distant? Did you wear a mask? Did you wash your hands frequently? Another option is for your husband to self quarantine from you for 14 days. Both of you should be tested. In terms of husband's employment, I would suggest him discussing his company's coronavirus policy regarding going to work.
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Another thing to consider is you and your husband's age and underlying health conditions. Also, consider how many times a week are hospice or other caregivers entering the home and how many different people does that represent? Your dad has also potentially been exposed, so the possible viral load in the home could be 2x.
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Ask your husband if he would feel comfortable if you wore a mask, goggles, gloves and hair covering along with scrubs or other clothes and shoes that you do not return home in, in order to help your parents. You would also have to wash your hands and face thoroughly before leaving your parents' house and shower immediately upon returning home. I understand why your husband is worried; however, you could just as easily get infected at the grocery store where there are positive people walking around who are asymptomatic.

I think too many people are relying on testing. If it's not done properly, the test is useless. Done properly, it is very uncomfortable and I would not subject my elderly parents to it unless they were in the hospital. And I've heard that everyone now is being assumed positive and given drugs for symptom management. There is no cure. Reality is, your parents need help. I would focus on you taking precautions. Your parents also should be wearing masks while you're in the house.
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My brother is in a nursing home. A hospice worker brought it in. The patient she was seeing got coronavirus and passed away. The national guard came in and tested everyone. Out of 23 patients on my brother's dementia unit - 17 tested positive. My brother being one of them. He remained asymptomatic - thank you God. Now 2 negative tests.
If my brother had been home I would probably move over to his home and get the proper protection gear and tons of bleach and soap. Can you get your parents tested? There are so many changes and ifs. If it was me I would do what my conscience tells me and take the measures necessary to stay safe. God bless safe passage whichever way you choose.
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sunshinelife Jun 2020
i work in medicine & would like to explain your brothers test results . He tested positive, then 2 negatives...correct? There are 2 possibilities. Either .a. the test result was a 'false positive'...or .b. he was infected and his immune system killed off the virus & built innate immunity. My educated guess is .b. The bottom line is health. Not bleach & hand washing. Health. A strong immune system. Your brother probably began life with good strong genetics, and probably did plenty of exercise in the early years im guessing.
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You should get tested for COVID too. Where a mask and take every precaution.
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Seems like you do, at least temporarily. If your husband fears for contracting it and the impact on his job, there may be some resources for him (i.e. hotels) that have volunteered rooms...so HE could move temporarily out of your home while you continue caregiving. Or...you could move in with your folks. BUT if this worker was only in once, her time there was limited, she wore a mask, washed hands, I imagine the risk is low. Having workers of any type come in now is taking a chance...Just as an example I saw a home-care (aide) site post about how they were encouraging their staff to only serve clients (BUT HOW MANY??) and stay at home otherwise. Now how reasonable is that? Then take into consideration that many aides take private duty on to make ends meet....what they do and who they are with on off-duty hours makes them risky imo. I would hope nursing staff being more educated would be more cautious and taking every precaution. If the situation were reversed, wouldn't your husband want his own parents taken care of? I'd go with your heart...but with your eyes open...take care...
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Do the nurses wear masks? If so, it may be a very minimal exposure, if at all.

I think it's a hard one whether to keep visiting your Mother - as the potential damage has already been done really. Now it will be a watch & wait for 14 days for symptoms - for your Mother, anyone in that household, you, your DH & then all your contacts.

I suppose the choices are not going to visit for 14 days, visiting but in/out with PPE (mask, gloves, an old coat as a 'gown') or staying the 14 days with your Mother?

If any symptoms, ask to be tested. My fingers are crossed for you!
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I would call your mom's doctor, your doctor, and the CDC Covid-19 hotline for advice as soon as possible.
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Get Mom tested. And then get her in an assisted living. Dump hospice. They are over-worked and unable to keep up with all the "business" -- so what happens is what happened to my mother who was ignored and got a UTI because the hospice nurses were not shouldering any responsibility and dropped the ball, expecting the assisted living nurses to step up to the plate but they were depending on the hospice nurses to lead the way, which they did not. Let the buyer beware. My mother died in such pain and agony. I have been considering a large lawsuit.
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sunshinelife Jun 2020
you have a 2years window to sue. Read the fine print on the contract you signed with the hospice. Write & politely request your mothers medical files from a. her primary doctor b. the last hospital/medical center she was in .c. the hospice. Do Not express any anger in your emails. Just business. Then call some medical malpractice attorneys in your area and have some consultations. Some do offer free phone/visit consults. Otherwise they are usually about $300/ Winning a medical malpractice suit is difficult. Take me for lunch to a fancy restaurant when you win :)
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Call the hospice office and doctor and request Covid testing for both parents. You and your husband should be tested ASAP as well. You all have the potential of exposure if you have been visiting mom. Once out of the way then you can make plans or get advice from mom’s doctors. If she tests positive they may want to hospitalize her because of the level of care she needs. Or you will need to suit up like the hospital workers. How stressful this must be. I hope it goes well. Blessings to you.
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If the hospice nurse has COVID, you may have been exposed as well. You will need to self isolate for 2 weeks - either at home or with your mom, who has also been exposed. After 2 weeks and if you do not have COVID, then you can decide what to about your mother. It seems you may wish to have all home health care aides and nurses wear face masks while in your mom's place.

Talk with your husband about his concerns and your concerns. Maybe make a chart to list everything down. Some couples continue to social distance at home during this pandemic. Others choose to wear face masks, gloves, social distance, and be diligent with hand washing while out of the home so they can relax those protocols when together. The goal is to come together for a solution that each person will be comfortable with.
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That is a scary situation. Your mom needs to be tested ASAP.

I don’t think you should be visiting daily back & forth. either you don’t go and hire a caregiver full time for the time being or you go and stay there, have your husband fend for himself...he’s a grown up.

Sometimes you need to do what you have to do, have you been tested?

Good luck and stay safe.
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Doesn’t the hospice provide a different nurse for visits? Have your parents been tested yet? The Hospice should provide them with a test.
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My children's grandfather age 92 was buried Saturday because his girlfriend was positive and continued to sleep with him for the 3 days after she was tested...and that it took for the virus to succumb him. Being he lived out of town no one could check on him, left news up to "her".
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sunshinelife Jun 2020
Im SURE if you asked your Father he was very happy to have his pretty lady friend curled up beside him....rather than wrapped in plastic & smelling of bleach. He was 92...that's a long innings. Sorry for the loss of your dear Father.
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Cetude, I thought the many false positives and false negatives were for the multiple unregulated antibody tests. The Covid-19 tests are supposed to be pretty accurate, othetwise they're worthless. I think you're getting your info from Trump, and he's not a reliable source. And they're working on standardizing the antibody tests...
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Alicew234 Jun 2020
I agree the test for coronavirus is supposed to be accurate and it's the antibody test that is suspect.

I just want to add I think it is best if we leave any mention of politics at all off this site. Caregiving is hard and the pandemic has made it much more difficult. Everything now is bad enough without introducing that divisive topic.
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Wear a mask and gloves and maybe some sort of garb if necessary...It is going all over places such as this. Hope Mom stays safe and YOU take care.....
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Good advice from previous responses. You need to follow the experts on how to safely handle this situation. Your mother is now potentially exposed to COVID. Symptoms won't show up for a few days up to about 2 weeks if she got the virus. You don't say who is living with her, but it sounds like your dad may also be there. Talk to your mother's doctor. Can she stay in a separate room and perhaps use a separate bathroom for several days until she can also be tested for coronavirus? And then, if she tests positive she should self-isolate. Are you able to live with her for 2 weeks until you know whether she caught it? And if she did, until she gets better? Speak with your local government's health department coronavirus support to find out what resources are available. A contact tracer may be getting in touch with your mother, and it would be good if you can ask them what resources are available.
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If you ever been to the grocery store or other store chances are you have been in contact with CoVID-19. The hospice nurse was supposed to be wearing a mask so don't worry about it unless symptoms appear--but it is difficult if not impossible to prove you caught it from the nurse since you can get it anywhere else you go to. Practice good handwashing. You do not need disinfectant. Plain soap and water kills the virus because the soap distroys the viral outer covering which essentially destroys the RNA.
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KaleyBug Jun 2020
I agree, my moms hospice nurse comes in wearing an N95 mask with a cloth one over that. Then she also sanitizes her hands as she walks in the door. I mask up when the nurse visits, I do not mask mom. After reading this post, I think I will at minimum put a face shied on mom, when the nurse comes. We suspended all our other helpers back in April.
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also note there are a lot of FALSE positives and false negatives. The test is not accurate.
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HonorAble Jun 2020
There is a lot of misunderstanding about the testing- PAlynn, you should definitely trust a positive test in your mom's setting during a pandemic.
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(Ive had to put my husband, self and young children in isolation because of Covid - this was before our schools were shut down.) Based on what I know (what is offical in Australia......I wont argue conspiracy theories)....if your not at risk (lung issues, comprimised immunity etc), dont have little children to care for, And your husband is capable of looking after himself (refusing to search Google for cooking recipes and cleaning tips doesnt count as helpless), than go and stay with your parents for two weeks. Assist your mum, whilst practicing strict hygiene, gloves and mask during that time (separate bathrooms if possible and seperate use of kitchen utensils). Stay there, and if your mum has no symptoms within two weeks of contact with infected nurse - she is in the clear and you can go back home also.
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If you go see her wear a mask the whole time you are there. Use disinfectant wipes to treat counters, doorknobs, appliance buttons, faucets, drawer pulls etc immediately on arrival. Come directly home, change your clothes, wash them, wash hands thoroughly. Other than going to see your Mother, don't go anywhere else for 14 days.
And make sure you wash your masks daily!!! Hand wash at night, hang up, dry in the morning.
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if your husband is as essential worker, then he is exposed daily anyway. First of all, make arrangements to have your mother and anyone she lives with tested. And maybe test yourself and your husband. You are exposing her going back and forth. And he needs to understand that he could get it at work. But caregivers in facilities Go back and forth and don’t stay at facility. So you can go and stay with her. Or you can go home daily. He is already out in community anyway. You have to stop and think about the various ways you get exposed and decide how best to proceed.
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We just went thru an incubation period. My daughter was exposed thru a patient. Even though it took a day for the results, my daughter came home immediately stripped and took a shower. Its been 14 days and she has showed no signs. The patient was sent home from the hospital over the weekend. Since she is essential, I watch her son.

I would say, quarantine yourself in ur home for the next 14 days. Take a bedroom and stay there? Wear a mask at your Moms. Strip and shower when you come home. Wash hands all the time.
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