Hospice at home for Mom with advanced dementia went horribly wrong. Anyone else?

I admire all the years you devoted to your mother and your desire for her to continue living. Do you think a life with advanced dementia has much quality to it? It should not have been you because you are most likely not too elderly with such life altering issues. There are people who visit this site who have to decide if it is time for hospice. It doesn't help them to hear that it is a bad choice. I am sorry your experience proved so difficult for you and I hope you find the strength to overcome your pain. There are situations where the quality of life has no quality. It can happen quickly. You should be proud of all the intense care you gave your mother and hopefully try to understand that sometimes the end of a life is the best choice especially when there is no quality left to that life. I personally would not want my years to go on if I was suffering from advanced dementia. In my mind there is no quality to continue living with that diagnosis. Perhaps your mother felt that way from within. I think you would do yourself a huge favor by finding ways to honor her memory.

Do NOT say you failed!!! You worked so incredibly hard over 5 years and decided to trust what should be a strong institution in our society, how could you know they would have other intentions.

You are incredible and don't let yourself tell you otherwise.

You know, the same thing happened to grandma. Not at the hospital but at the SNF. The hospital doc was of the opinion that a few weeks in rehab and she'll be good. The SNF doc on the other hand ordered hospice since she was so old. He cited stats for outcomes at her age. He deemed her underworthy of skilled nursing and had the hospice team talk to me. We talked and the hospice team didn't understand why she was referred to hospice and suggested home care instead if the SNF wasn't willing to keep her. That's where we are.

You did not fail your mom. You relied on the professionals like most of us do. My mother was in the ER for a UTI recently and the doctor ordered a wide open IV on a 96 year old. I wanted to slow that IV down but I did not. I told the staff it will put her in CHF, well it did she spent 6 days in the hospital. The chest x-ray showed mild CHF along with pneumonia. I felt somewhat guilty for not speaking up more, but I now know it was protocol in the ER for a potential sepsis. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I hope and pray you find peace.