I had one of those horrible female biological parents. Lots of abuse of me and animal abuse, and she took bad care of my dad for 5 years until he died. My sainted grandmother tried to keep me safe by keeping me, but that couldn't last forever and that's when the abuse started, when I moved back with mthr right before my father died. (For those of you who don't know, I spell her name mthr because she was missing something important inside). I rescued her from her hoard, had her cancer cured, and placed her in a home close by where she was well taken care of.
Evil mthr died in the recent past, and I've waited until the legal coast was clear so those who financially abused mthr would not jump in (those vultures that I felt were circling in a previous post). I called her cousin that found me on FB at Christmas and she previously gave me her brother's phone # who had been close to mthr. He had not answered any Christmas cards from me in years, and I'm suspicious they stopped when I mentioned mthr's abuse in a letter, but I can't remember exactly. The cousin said that she would not tell her brother so I could. I left a VM yesterday.
On the phone with the girl cousin, I played the sweet bereaved daughter role. No point in bursting their bubble from 1960, or so I thought. What I did find out is that mthr had been a twit as a youngster and that she had given her parents trouble (not in the running around kind, in the arguing constantly kind). I left a VM for her brother who mthr was closer to in age and interests. But - I had a rough night. I feel like I was not honest with myself. I ground my teeth last night for the first time since mthr died.
I'd like to have extended family for once - this is part of the family that she kept me isolated from, so they would not know her secrets. Do I message female cousin on FB and tell her I'm just not up to telling male cousin, that she is welcome to? He has my message that I wanted to catch up; but his sister is expecting me to tell him about mthr's death. Do I tell them about her abuse? Or do I just continue to agree with their cheerful assessment of her personality?