Why would a nurse from a home care agency ask the patient if they're demented?

I would welcome a tiger or a rhino at this point!!! I understand your concerns, and would not be ok with the question being put to her in this way.... she should have a criteria of questions to ask you mom, to be able to come to her OWN conclusions...

Sounds like you have a plan... take care of you first.... then see what can be done for mom... I am sorry you are having to have surgery and pray it is not going to keep you down for long....but if it does, take advantage of your down time.... get strong and healthy before taking on your moms issues again....

Guess the medical profession is as burned out as we are.... am hearing more and more of this kind of thing..... not enough people around who know what they are doing... but subpar care for mom is not going to happen either... you are in my prayers.... hope your surgery goes well.... and hope you find some help that you don't have to 'help'....

Thx to everyone for responding. And Madeaa, I understand and agree but it's "so hard to find good help" and I don't mean that as a funny. We're interviewing this new agency b/c mom had issues with the last one. She loves them until she hates them. She either dreams up or hallucinates the things they "do to her" I need to go to a drs apt FOR ME on Fri because I will need major surgery and I need someone for mom while I'm at the dr. (Mom will be in a facility while I'm recuping) Mom's "interpretations of home care" have what led me to realize she is becoming demented. I'm calling her neurologist and requesting a test to see exactly what I'm dealing with after I'm done dealing with my health issues. Hopefully, the dr. won't be as 'demented" and tell mom "Your daughter asked me to give you a dementia test". But if a rhino or a leopard walked into my living room right now -- nothing would surprise me at this point.

Sounds like the care worker is "demented." Find better care.

Both Mom's Dr and I have said the word dementia to her and she had no idea what it is? Even before she had it, she still didn't know what it was!

I would just give it time with the home care agency and see how they work out. Good luck!

No, you aren't being too hard on anyone. It seems insensitive to me for someone to ask a person who obviously has dementia issues if they have them! They may be as honest in their answer as possible, but the answer is likely "no" simply because the person isn't aware of the illness.

I'm surprised that this has happened repeatedly unless the person you are caring for is in such an early stage that the dementia doesn't show. And since you are burned out to a point, it seems obvious that the person's dementia is advanced. I'd call the agency and ask why that particular question is asked. They may have an explanation that I can't think of.
Take care,
Carol