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Both parents are in their 80s and need help but won't accept it. Dad is physically limited, several health issues, with memory starting to lapse. Mom is quite able physically but short-term memory is quite poor. She no longer leaves the house, as she feels she must stay home and take care of Dad (She used to be quite the social being -- center of attention and queen hostess. Lost that luster several years ago as Dad's health declined). They live alone and a dear family friend helps with groceries and appointments, daily visits. They need more care (bathing assistance) but don't feel it's necessary. Tried all the tricks to convince them, but both parents have enough wits about them still to refuse all suggestions.


I am POA and hiring an attorney to organize their assets in preparation for future hospitalization/nursing home admission(s). We do not know who will need what when or first, if that makes any sense. I live out of state but try to stay connected and go back for short-term stays as frequently as possible. Appreciate any recommendations on attorney or getting them to accept home health aide help with bathing (even once/week).

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Fees will really depend on whether they need trusts.  If no trusts, I would think less than 1K.
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I am assuming wills and/or trusts are done?
You don't really need an attorney to organize their assets. A Licensed Fiduciary will do as well (and by that I don't mean a money manager making his money off investing). You seem to have the paperwork. If they have wills in order that is great. You can manage their estate or you can ask a Fiduciary to do much of it, paying bills, etc, or do it WITH the fiduciary. Spend one hour (likely 350 to 450 with the attorney and ask for recommendations of Fiduciary (they work with them in Court Cases where State is appointed to manage for Seniors with families at war.) A Fiduciary in California asks approx. 90.00 an hour and are licensed. Some states don't require licensing. Once all bills are going to them, and etc. the management comes down to only about an hour a month in a simple estate. So explore that is but one suggestion for you.
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sullyba Oct 2020
Thanks for this. While I don't wish this to happen, I know in my gut that one or both parents will need care, likely in a facility, at some point in the future. What I've been offered is the services of an elder law attorney (and his office/partners) to prepare for nursing home application/admission and eventual Medicaid application(s). So it's analyzing their assets and strategizing with that in mind down the road. My siblings are in agreement that planning for this makes sense and is one of the only things we can really make happen at this time. Our parents are managing for now with some assistance but my dad especially will need a home health aide's services sooner than later. Am I over-planning this way? I'm told that to not be prepared just means all kinds of delays when it comes time for an admission to a facility.
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Cost can vary depending on where you live. Even the County where they live may cost more or less than the next County over.
The best way to do this would be to look up Certified Elder Care Lawyers in their area and call and ask what the fees are.
If they are very resistant to accepting help it may come down to possibly filing for Guardianship. (don't do this if you can possibly avoid it) But if both have dementia it might have to be done.
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sullyba, you mentioned that both your parents have various memory issues. Usually an Attorney will have both of your parents in a conference room without you being present to talk to them first. From that meeting, the Attorney will decide if one or both of your parents are still capable of understanding the legal documents. If not, then your parents cannot sign any legal documents. And you cannot sign for them.

Like others had mentioned, the cost depends on location. If you live in a large metro area the hourly rate will be much higher then that in a smaller city. Also, it depends if you use a large law firm, or an one or two person office. I went with a firm, in case our Elder Law Attorney moves away, the firm has other Elder Law Attorneys to choose from.

An Elder Law Attorney is good to have if one needs to get Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] for ones parent[s] if they should need to go into a nursing home and have run out of funds. Said Attorney can climb through the maze and explain the terms.

My parents, mainly my Mom, refused any strangers in the house, thus any hired caregiver was shooed out of the house. So I just had to wait, like many of us on this forum, for a serious medical emergency to get any changes made for the care and safety of stubborn parent(s).
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Thanks for the insightful responses. The Elder Care attorney I've spoken with has laid out a two-phase option that ultimately is a lot of money to prepare for the nursing home admission/hospitalization of both parents. First phase is to prepare for nursing home admission / Medicaid application for both. Second phase is to guide us to the finish line with the remaining parent. I know the nursing home and Medicaid application processes are very complicated and vary by location. And I did have another elder attorney from another state review the proposal -- they said his fees were actually a bargain compared to their state.

No trusts involved. We already have my parents' wills, living wills, and POA as I mentioned (though this attorney would re-write it if he could because what we have is rather generic; theirs would be more detailed in all major areas). But he also says he won't push it if meeting with my parents become difficult.

It's possible neither of my parents will end up in a nursing home but I'm told taking these actions to protect their assets is worthwhile. Since we're in that wait-until-something-happens phase (like so many of you), I'm anxious to try and do SOMETHING. My parents don't have a lot but I want to maximize what they do have (not for my own benefit but for their quality of life and care); this is a lot of money to spend in an area I have no expertise.

I hadn't considered a Fiduciary. Would that person also have a long view of asset protection in the event of life changes and needs of care? Forgive my naivete. And thank you all so very much.
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worriedinCali Oct 2020
Any reason why you don’t want to set up a trust? When your parents pass, you will have to go through probate if there’s no trust. Have you looked up the fees for probate? A trust eliminates the need for probate. It can save a lot of money in the end, if there are assets that would have to pass through probate.
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