Hiring a person to explain oncoming death to a parent?

Hospitals usually offer certified interpreters. Ask for one certified in Vietnamese. Even if you were fluent in Vietnamese, family should not serve as interpreters. In that moment, you should be his daughter, not his interpreter.

I think you should see if you can find someone to help you interpret. Do you live in an area with a large Vietnamese community? Is there a Monastery near by? I've lived in two cities where there wasn't a particularly large Buddhist population but yet they had pretty impressive Monastery complexes. The one by where I live now is like a little piece of Thailand once you go behind the wall. If so, they might be able to help. Monks do stuff like that.

Do you know a Monk you can call upon? If not ask the Social Worker or pastoral care at the hospital for a referral. They should have a list of different Spiritual guidance providers for various faiths.

In my opinion, don't even tell him. I doubt anyone could tell him anything in any language that will allay his fear, unless it's to tell him that he's going to get well. I'd go with that. Many people would want to know if they're dying. Maybe your father is not in that category. I think his sensibilities should be respected.

If you have access to such a person then I think that is a wonderful idea, asking if there is a doctor or nurse who is fluent in the language and also well versed in palliative care would also be a good option. Either way I'd want to meet with the person first to be sure everyone is on the same page about what they were going to say.

Ally, I'm impressed with your respect for your father and the language issues and wanting him to be aware of his situation.    

I've just checked and found several sources of Vietnamese populations near Houston, Texas:

https://www.bing.com/search?q=Vietnaese+communities+near+Houston%2C+Texas&form=IENTHT&pc=EUPP_DCJB&mkt=en-us&httpsmsn=1&msnews=1&rec_search=1&refig=e39092474a834bbe8ad5775d25023107&sp=-1&pq=vietnaese+communities+near+houston%2C+texa&sc=1-40&qs=n&sk=&cvid=e39092474a834bbe8ad5775d25023107

Sometimes these long URLs don't work well, so try "Vietnamese communities near Houston, Texas".   These are some cited sources (I got confused copying them and going back and forth, but they're all Vietnamese American facilities).  

There are several possible sources of assistance:

Vietnamese American Community Center
9530 Antoine Dr, Houston, TX 77086
(713) 320-7555

Vietnamese American Community Services
2120 Sul Ross St, Houston, TX 77098
Phone: (713) 527-9000

Vietnamese Civic Center
Civic Center
11360 Bellaire Blvd 900, Houston ·
Phone:   (281) 498-8438

Vietnamese American Chamber   (of Commerce??)
9750 Bellaire Blvd, Houston, TX 77036
Phone: (832) 409-1233

If I remember correctly, there are various sects within Buddhism, and w/o knowing any more, I'm not sure how to target search for a Buddhist temple in or around Houston, so I just searched on Buddhist temples near Houston.  These are the hits I got:

https://www.bing.com/search?q=Buddhist%20temples%20near%20Houston%2C%20Texas&qs=n&form=QBRE&sp=-1&pq=buddhist%20temples%20near%20houston%2C%20texa&sc=2-35&sk=&cvid=E3F3ACA515DF4E5ABC837E3919BB7023

The map on the hit page shows 5 temples in the Houston area. 

Perhaps someone in your family knows the specific sect to contact?


I'm sorry for your family and the trials you're facing, but hope that you find someone in your father's faith who can comfort and console him.

I would send someone from his faith to speak to him. Contact a local Buddhist community in your area. Do you know which type of Buddhism he follows? There are different beliefs.

You might even want to contact a professor at a nearby university that teaches a course on world religions to explain the differences to you if they don’t mind speaking to you. Then you could select the sect of Buddhism that would be most suitable for your father.

I wish the very best for your family during this difficult situation.

My dad was afraid of the big C,, cancer.. yup that got him... He was afraid of death, I think... really the Big C... equals death, right?

He is Buddhist and I think having a Vietnamese Buddhist monk come to talk to him would help him be at peace in coming to terms with death. IF THIS IS WHAT COMES TO MIND, THEN DO THIS... IT WILL BE GOOD FOR HIM.. DO NOT QUESTION THIS...It will be good for you too.

My parent's priest came to us in his street clothing.. nothing fancy or showy... It was good.

TAlk about happy times, his past, what he liked as a child, what you appreciate in him, laugh, music, dance...food.. give him what he likes... make him happy.. do not dwell on his condition so much.. he knows.

Palliatvie care/hospice is for the both of you, you do not need to get him into a car/taxi... nurses and docs come to him...yo do not need to physically take him... that is a comfort knowing that.. They have a 24 hour call number usually, and leave the palliatvie care messages for your nurses/doc... IT IS OKAY..DO THIS FOR YOU, HIM, AND YOR FAMILY...There is no harm in this whatsoever.

The hospital will have a chaplaincy team. Ask to speak to one of them; I'm sure they will be able to help.

But. Your father is still cognitive. How he approaches this stage of his life is for him to decide. I sympathise with your wishing him to find peace of mind and come to terms with his situation, but if he wants to keep fighting that is his right.

If the doctors are suggesting palliative care but because of language barriers they're only suggesting it to you and not to your father, they need to get themselves a specialist translator and stop expecting you to handle this extremely difficult and technical conversation. Grrrr!

Is the rest of the family being supportive? How are you all doing?

You do not have to "hire" anyone. Contact Hospice. They will have people that will talk to your dad, to you, to the rest of the family.
Hospice has Chaplains but I am sure that they could also find, if they do not happen to have one on staff a Buddhist monk.
Hospice is paid through Medicare, Medicaid and other insurance so you do not have to "pay" them it is billed just like any other medical service.
Either the hospital will serve as his "Hospice home" or they may transfer him to a Hospice facility or even to his home if that is his wish and possible. Any place he will be kept comfortable.

I do agree that having a Buddhist monk would be a good idea. The issue is that your father has never "come to terms with" his own mortality - which is why he is fiercely afraid of death. Perhaps the monk would be able to assist with that.

You should start with having a Vietnamese Buddhist monk talk to him and maybe chant with him. They are trained to help people through the important life stages. If this doesn't help, you can ask hospice to send a therapist or social worker, but they may not have a person who speaks his language.

How often are you with him?

Everyone is afraid of death because it's a very painful process.

I think he needs reassurance that a close family member will be with him throughout the ordeal and help make the decisions to alleviate the occasional discomfort and pain as well as ultimately the extreme pain and suffering at the end. It will be very difficult on the family member as well as your father. I don't mean just staying with him for an hour or so each day and just observing.

Please have his doctors explain his condition to him and use professional translators. Please have a faith leader of his preference come talk to him about death. You are on the right track. Praying that all will come to a place of peace.

Ask the Hospitalist to start this process. They're there for a reason and there may be protocol for even this language.

Dance around the subject of death while gently approaching it.. Get Hospice on board, and REASSURE HIM, HE IS NOT ALONE IN THIS... HIS LOVED ONES here on Earth, and in Heaven, Will help guide him the right direction.


My dad was a non believer... But believe me, when he passed over to the other side.. He came back to us in a way I never would have imagined... :) Yes, he changed his mind.... I cannot describe it in any other way.

I have read some of the replies on here and I agree with several of them that the doctor is the one to explain what is happening to your father to your father. That is not your responsibility and I would suggest having a case worker or someone at the hospital find an interpreter for him when the doctor is there and they can coordinate it. Hospice is another great suggestion I read and I agree wholeheartedly. They may need an interpreter too but they are the ones to help with this. The doctor is the main one to speak with your Dad. Tell the doctor to explain how serious his situation is so that you father doesn't have to ask you if he is dying. I know that feeling you have because my Dad was dying in the hospital because he took a turn for he worst suddenly with his CHF and his kidneys and all started shutting down. Dad kept asking me what was going on and where were we taking him. I was dodging his questions because frankly, I could not handle telling him that he was dying. I could NOT do it. Find help. Do not blame yourself. We all have our limitations. I helped him for several years and did my level best and we said our "I love yous" and I think Dad knew what was happening but searched my eyes. I loved for visitors to come in because it took pressure off of me and I would leave the hospital to keep myself together mentally. It is sad but very uncomfortable. You need professional help with this and I just wish I had had the experience or sense to get somebody to step in and explain things to him instead of ducking and diving. I miss him so much. Everybody would love a "do-over" but we don't get it with death. Gather help around you. Wishing you the best.

I think you should talk to a doctor and find out in detail the end process for late stage CHF. Your dad fears death because the pain and struggles are getting worse. The monk will not do any good. As I said before, you should make a commitment to help him through the end of his life. That will help alleviate some of his fear since someone will direct medical staff to provide comfort measures when his body has difficulty getting enough oxygen. Being there also means that you have offered to share the emotional burden of dying. A monk just showing up on one day and leaving him on his own is basically a waste of time.